I'm narsistic and have a hard time showing feelings and empithy. Our marrage is in trouble. I love her very much and don't want to loose her. Thanks
2007-10-24 10:00:11 · 20 answers · asked by Seaesta 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do not want to come off as rude, honestly. And my response will probably be overlooked if you are a true narcissist...I know, because I am a therapist.
If you are a narcissist, not just one with traits of a narcissist - then the best thing you can do is continue to acknowledge this and get some help for it. The reality is that narcissists RARELY GO or STAY in therapy because they do not want to hear what might be going on underneath it all, inside of you. Underneath alll the BS and big talk is probably a great deal of hurt and shame.
You can give the best gift to your wife, serve it to her in gold wrappying on a platter and if the following day some narcissitic BS comes up it hardly makes a difference. I dated a narcissist and it is really difficult - it always comes back to them and the "loving gesture" you are looking for fades quickly because it gets lost in the harshness, cool vibes one gets from the narcissist.
The loving gesture would be nice, but ultimately, my friend, you are just putting a band aid on a huge problem. Address the REAL issue - get to the bottom of what keeps you from truly being present with her, or anyone for that matter.
THAT is the most loving gesture you can give.
2007-10-24 10:23:00 · answer #1 · answered by Green Eyed Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG, at the beginning you ought to get your head screwed on proper. there is no open marriage. It ends in basic terms like this. Your "spouse" needed her cake and devour it too. she looks like a spoiled brat that has constantly had her way. For her to bypass screwing around yet you have been to stay homestead and be committed, then while she unearths out you have got here across somebody that for the period of all probability won't settle for and open marriage, so now you spouse says oh this open marriage is over. the place are your pants bud, you have been assume to be the top of the family individuals and placed on the pants and yet you enable your spouse call each and all of the photos and agreed to it. it is in basic terms organic nuts. Marriage is a bond between a guy and a women people, 2 grow to be one with a promise of fidelity, love, honor till finally dying do you area. That grow to be broken massive time. I actually think of your marriage is doomed. no remember in case you shut this open marriage, there'll constantly be doubt, there'll constantly be temptation that she or you could not face as much as because of the fact the door grow to be already open. i ask your self the way you have been raised, did mom placed on the pants in the family individuals? This different woman in basic terms ought to not face as much as you, yet she would be able to not join the adultery you're desirous to commit and that i cheer her for that. you definitely ought to get rid of the Zodiac indicators and open up the Bible.
2016-10-13 22:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by czech 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been married, but I do have a lot of families members and friends who are caught in this situation you are in right now. The best advice I can give you is take your wife out for dinner, or take her to one of favorite plays or movies that you know she loves. Also, you can make a romantic dinner for you two, play your favorite songs you two got married to, then make sure have a lot of different colors roses or flowers you know your wife love, makes its a candle light dinner. Give her a gift, or write her a poem from your heart. Tell your wife how much you love her and you don't want to throw your marriage out the window and tell her you are the only one for her, and there is no else out her in this world like her. Sir, what you say to your wife make sure it is from your heart and your very sincere about what you saying to your wife.
2007-10-24 10:12:22 · answer #3 · answered by ttbunny29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her every day how much you love her, and give her a specific reason. I love you because you were there for me when no one was, or because you saw the potential in me, or because you care enough to set my alarm clock every night.
Trust me the small stuff works. Also do small things for her, not a ton of them, just enough that she will notice. My hubby had same problem, and now he sets up my coffee in the morning so its ready when I come downstairs in my mad dash. Really it doesn't take much more than honesty and thoughtfulness. And a flower every now and then helps!
2007-10-24 10:06:38 · answer #4 · answered by #2 in the oven 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just showing her love everyday in the little things! It's not about buying her things. Leave her little love notes tell her and show her you love her! Think of the things you did to win her over as your wife and do them again! Help out with the housework! If you have kids, take over for her for awhile and let her rest! If you truly love her and want your marriage to work, she will see and feel this!!
2007-10-24 10:04:38 · answer #5 · answered by Jenny 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Fiance is not big on saying I love you a lot, but he writes me these cards or little notes saying how much he loves me, how I make him happy, how he feels better when I'm around... I have kept every single one of those notes and every time I read them it reminds me how much he loves me.
But you should also ACT like you love her. Not big or expensive things. If you know she's coming home from work tired, offer to make dinner or do chores before she asks. Take her to places SHE likes, do things SHE likes, even if you're not a big fan.
When my fiance does something with me that I know he doesn't love to do it shows me that he cares about making me happy and that means the world to me.
Put HER needs before yours.
2007-10-24 10:28:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the first answer suggested...
There is a book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Reading this book together would be a start....if you need more help than that, I would suggest a good Christian counslor to help you both learn how to communicate w/each other.
Best wishes!!
2007-10-24 10:03:26 · answer #7 · answered by Buff 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that u put in the time just to ask this question is showing enough, but if you want specifics, I would say that sending her roses is nice. I never really had that and I know it would tell me everything I know.
2007-10-24 10:06:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Listen. I love it when my boyfriend lets me talk. Especially when he tells me he loves my facial expressions and he thinks my voice is so sweet. It makes me melt.
You need to find a connection with her. Find time to be alone and just talk. Don't judge, accuse, belittle, etc.
Fixing a marriage takes a lot of work--professional help is always good.
2007-10-24 10:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Tikva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to what she says and try to do at least 1 thing she asks you to do each day to show you are listening and you care.
2007-10-24 10:03:55 · answer #10 · answered by Lauren B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋