I think that i am having a nervous breakdown, what is wrong, I need help....?

Question

My husband and I started out having problems and then my ex-boyfriend an I started talking (email and phone, never in person) as friends. I think my feelings have come back for the ex and he tells me that he still loves me. He is also married. I truely, truely love my husband. I can't tell him about this because i don't want to run the chance of losing him. I have not physically cheated but I am so stressed. My husband and I have kind of worked our problems out now. Not toomention some other life problems to add on top. Help me with some advice. Grown ups please, no children or teenagers answer please. Serious answers only. I can't talk to my best friend because she might accidentally say something to her husband and then he might repeat it. What do I do, do I need to see a doctor or what?

Also it is easy for someone else to say, quit talking to him. But that is easier said than done. So please give me some really good feedback. Best answer gets 10 points

Answer 1

well, having feelings for 2 men at the same time can be extremely difficult. what you need to ask yourself is who makes you happier? you say that you started talking to your ex after you and your husband began having problems...could it be that you are in love with what you and your ex used to have and are curious if it could be recreated? or perhaps you are worried that your husband isn't the man for you because you were having problems. But all marriages go though difficult times. You should ask yourself this: did you initiate contact or did your ex? you say you have not seen him in person recently and that he is married also. could it be that he is having problems and you are both turning to each other in a vulnerable state because you are comfortable with each other? I would not tell your husband yet as it will do no good and further fuel your problems together. however, i would talk to someone. You need to do some soul searching and decide what it is that you truly want and what is making you reach out to your ex in the first place. Are you stressed because you are afraid that you will cheat on your husband and just haven't done it yet? I think maybe talking to a doctor might help, if nothing else to give you someone to clear your mind to. You have not cheated yet, though some would say you are having an emotional affair with your ex. i think you need to take a step back from your ex and try to save your marriage. you married this man for a reason...and just as that is said the other man is you ex for a reason. you both moved on to marry other people that you love. feelings for an ex will always resurface when you are not together as all you are getting is the best of each other. but true love is being able to love and be with a person through the good and the bad...rough times and all. your feeling the butterflies because it is new again...it is fresh again. but the love with your husband is supposed to be a lifelong commitment to each other. why let an ex ruin that? try to fix what you have instead of jumping into another relaitonship with a man it didnt work with in the first place. good luck.

Answer 2

You say you and your husband have worked out your problems. You know when you got married you made a vow to be together forever. You need to tell your ex to leave you alone. He is married as well and talking to him is emotionally like cheating. I think if you put a strong effort to make things work with your husband you will feel less stressed. You should also go to a psychologist and talk to them. There are laws that prevent them from telling anyone what you say. This way you wont have to keep it inside or risk telling someone who might accidentally slip and make you lose your husband for good. Do the right thing for your marriage.

Answer 3

I realize that it is easier said than done to quit talking to the ex but...If you want to keep your husband and your sanity what else is there to do? I guess the best advise I have to give is, make a decision. Your husband or the ex. Keep in mind your ex is married. You can't continue this emotional affair and not get caught eventually, not to mention the stress. I don't think you need to see a doctor, there is no magic pill that will help you. You may want to consider a therapist. This will be someone you can talk to about this problem and will be confidential. Good luck in whatever decision you make. Remember that you need to do what's right for you but you can't have both.

Answer 4

Happiness is most important in life. I suppose you will have to sit back and truely think about what you want. You did take vows to your husband, and that should mean something. In my opinion, I think you should go see your ex and just see if there truely is an attraction, I don't think phone/e-mail is sufficient enough to be the deciding factor on if you leave your husband for this guy.

Communication is very important. If your husband finds out about this from anyone but you, it could be the end. You should be close enough that you can be honest, you owe that to him. Don't leave him in the dark forever, it would be unfair.

Think about it from his point of view, how would you feel?

Calm down and just take it one step at a time. Focus on your breath and just remember nothing has to be decided in the next 5 minutes.

I hope everything works out well for you.

Answer 5

It may be easier said than done to quit talking to the ex-boyfriend, but that's what you have to do. If you can't do that, you're telling us all what your marriage really means to you. That's blunt, but honest. I always try to put the shoe on the other foot. What if you found out that your hubby "couldn't" stop talking to his ex-girlfriend... how would that make you feel, as in the value of your marriage. In the middle of your post, you said you guys have kind of worked things out... that's a start. Build on that. Plus, try to remember all the good times and those little things that drove you absolutely nuts about your hubby and that made you feel you couldn't live without him. Its worth a shot. You dont' want to go down splitsville, esp. if there are kids involved. Anything worth having is worth keeping... Start over with a clean slate from this moment on, and try to re-build. I can almost guarantee you the ex-boyfriend has no intentions of leaving his family, and probably has a happy marriage.... your communication is just something fun and on the side. Think about it.

Answer 6

Why are you talking to the ex-bf? Of course, you have feelings coming back for him, but this is just another case of the grass is greener somewhere else. If he was so great, why is he an ex-bf? So the answer really is to stop talking to him and act like a committed married person, or get a divorce, then go remind yourself why the ex-bf didn't work out the first time.

Answer 7

well, everyone goes thru some problematic and stressful times in their marriage. it's a fact of life. you grow comfortable or become in a regular routine and then suddenly youre up against a wrench that fate throws in...such as your former love? or in some cases, some coworker (usually for the guys) or even a charactor in a novel or a celebrity...

these 'so called love affairs' of the mind (not heart) can help you or hurt you. help, by way of realizing what you have and could possibly lose... ...or, in many cases...the line of trust will be broken in the relationship. to step over the line or realize what you have/could lose? what do you do? it's boils down to that old saying 'the grass is greener on the other side'....its soooo not true for any length of time! then, those two people get into 'a life routine' and yada yada youre back to the same thing again. recognize the fated 'wrench' that is thrown into your otherwise tranquil life for what it is...a test of your commitment. turn the other cheek, and go hug your man and be glad that he isnt dealing with such a thing...he might be apt to leave you. good luck

Answer 8

I f you truly love your husband, then why are you doing this and why did you start? I is leading to adultry or divorce.
As a marriage you are commited and became have othat man. I am sorry, but I have to say, yes get awy from that man before something wose happens. If you are even having sexual thoughts about him that is lust and also a sin.
Do some praying , talk to a pastor, you can trust them. THink of all those you will be hurting, what if it was your husband and his wife? There will be several people hurt by these actions.........xx

Answer 9

Try to write down all the good things and bad things about your husband and your relation ship with him. Then write down the good and bad, especially all the people you would be hurting if you'd go back to your ex...Only you can make that deceision. When is the last time you saw your ex? Why did you break up ect? Give yourself an ultimatum (Iknow it's hard) and do one or the other. Essentially it is emotional cheating and I don't know if your husband deserves it.
Good luck to you!!!

Answer 10

Your ex is your ex for a reason. It's normal for exes to be drawn to each other again. Don't let these feelings overwhelm you. Try to remember why you broke up. How long have you both been married? Are you guys starting to feel bored in your relationships? Is that exciting feeling gone w/ your husband?

Just remember, your husband is the one you committed yourself to. He is your priority. How would you feel if he started talking to his ex and was falling in lust with them? It's hurtful for you to have an emotional affair. If you want your marriage to last, you have to stop before it goes further. Protect the bond you have by not letting distractions interfere.