I slept with a married man 1 month after I attended his wedding. I am now married and having my husbands baby and the man I slept with is now having a baby with his wife. We both are due around 2 weeks apart and we have attended each others baby showers. We are not best friends and don't speak often but I do know she considers me a friend. Should I tell her or let it go?
2007-10-24 09:12:29 · 92 answers · asked by bambi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow, what a friend! there should be more like you
2007-10-24 09:15:19 · answer #1 · answered by scott A 5 · 9⤊ 5⤋
Yeah, you should tell the man's wife and your husband what went down. Believe it or not, things done in the dark always come to light. If you wait or decide to stay quiet, this will come out in the worst possible way, and you'll wish you would've told the truth earlier on. I hope that you and the married man come clean about this because this will catch up with the both of you, no matter how long it takes. Marriage is not a commitment you're allowed to piss on (excuse my language). Seriously! You're very fortunate to have found a man to promise everlasting love to you. Not many people ever find that. Both you and the man need to apologize to your spouses and to one another. By sleeping together, you not only broke your own marriage vows, but you aided the other one in doing the same. Too many people today continue to take marriage, which is a gift, and make it into something that's not taken seriously. Please be an adult about this and rise above all that. Thank you.
2007-10-24 09:30:27 · answer #2 · answered by ravenna12 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't think of anything good that could possibly come out of your telling her, and I can think of lots of bad--let it go!
First of all, neither she nor you needs the drama and stress of something like that during a pregnancy, so if for no other reason than the sake of the innocent babies, leave it alone.
Perhaps he already confessed it to her and they are putting it behind them. Perhaps your husband finding this out about you would put your own marriage in jeopardy. Have I given you enough reasons not to yet?
If you are a person of faith, pray for forgiveness and pray that God would remove this as far as the east is from the west and that it could be forgotten forever. Hopefully no one will ever find out--take it to your grave.
The ONLY exception I can even imagine to not telling is if somewhere down the road you learn that he has been unfaithful to her again, and she is seeking a divorce. Then and only then (and only if you are willing to open this all up to your husband, your families, etc.) if you think it might help her divorce case you might tell her as a friend. Even in this case, it would be a very risky move that could certainly do more damage than good.
Don't try to get rid of your own guilt by laying that burden on somebody else. Bury it, and use it only to keep yourself from making that same mistake ever again!
2007-10-24 09:22:25 · answer #3 · answered by arklatexrat 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That was really a baaaad thing to do - on both your parts. Don't compound the mistake. Keep it to yourself. It serves no purpose to tell her.
*** Only one caveat... If he is sleeping around now with someone or many others and you know it w/o question... then a good friend would tell.
There is no need to upset her further with mention of your encounter with him, but she should know about it IF he is still doing it.
There are too many diseases out there now to keep something like that to yourself.
And again... I'm not saying you are a bad person, but you made a big mistake and never take it lightly and never do that to any woman again. You most definitely would not want it done to you.
2007-10-24 09:21:09 · answer #4 · answered by puppy.lover13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only reason to tell her would be to assuage your guilt. Your guilt is in fact your pennance for sleeping with a married man. Since you will accomplish nothing but ruining one friendship, one marriage for sure, and possibly your own(when your husband finds out you slept with a married man he might not feel inclined to trust you).
I'd say accept the fact that it happened, don't let it happen again, and move on. It was a one time deal for you and probably a one time deal for him.
2007-10-24 09:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by Bull in a china shop 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did you do it?!
This is a decision for you to make alone. Consult your conscious. Think about all of the ramifications. Your husband will know. Her husband is probably a slut and will sleep with others. She might find out later and ruin your life if you don't tell your husband.
Think. Hard. DON'T SLEEP AROUND!!! You are just ruining your life and all of the lives around. you. Remember kids know more than you think and will find out what kind of person you are. Change your ways NOW!!!
2007-10-24 09:18:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell her. Personally I would want to know if my husband cheated on me. No matter the timing. Do you need to tell you husband too? Were you married at the time? As for the future. It is best not to mess around with other peoples husbands or men.
2007-10-27 20:00:00 · answer #7 · answered by bssd12000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to do, cause this poor innocent woman's heart to break?!! What were you thinking!! What a horrible thing to do to another person. That pain of finding out your husband is an adulterer lasts forever, it doesn't go away. I am sure your husband will never trust you again either... and he shouldn't. Just think of how you would feel... Having sex with another womans husband is the LOWEST thing a person can do. You are no ones friend.
2007-10-24 09:24:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
For crying out loud, what purpose would it serve to say anything now? Are you trying to start drama. cause a divorce, get a divorce? Maybe it would be nice for both children to grow up in broken families.
Come on now, you are a married woman about to have a child, don't you think it is time to let go of the high school drama crap?
2007-10-24 09:22:01 · answer #9 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Does your husband know? I think that would depend on if you and your husband were together at the time... I'm not saying that it is okay for him to sleep with other women, but you knew he was married too. She will be just as mad at you... I think I would think about it some more before ruining a marriage.
2007-10-24 09:17:10 · answer #10 · answered by kandmsnapshots 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell her at least while she is pergnant that is just to much stress for her deal with. What were you thinking?? He was MARRIED!! Expect sh*t to hit the fan once she and your husband finds out...it will happen nothing stays a secret foever. Hope the sex was worth ruining so many lives...(your's, your husband's, your child, her's, her husband's, and their child) How selfish can two people be
2007-10-24 09:32:53 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋