I'm 42 years old and divorced the prob is that when I was 29 I was pressured in being sterilised or loose my kids by the state I haven't remarried since cos of this I feel so guilty any one help me with advice? I love my kids 2 bits but cos of this I am not able to start a relationship let alone marry the guy if I do!
Serious and non offensive answers please this is really hurting me.
Thanks
2007-10-24 09:04:21 · 12 answers · asked by mandy r 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Why would being sterilized prevent you from having a relationship or new marriage?? Not every man wants children and if they did you could always adopt.
2007-10-24 09:08:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So you have been sterilized. What is there to feel guilty about. You are 42 already which is to a point where you probably don't want or might not have been able to have kids anymore anyway so just tell the guy that you can't have kids. I am sure this will not prevent most men from being interested in you. What was done over 10 years ago can not be un-done now, so stop stressing out over it and get on with your life.
2007-10-24 09:18:06 · answer #2 · answered by countryguyhfc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still have a relationship even though you cannot have children. Not everyone wants to have children. At your age most people that want children already have them. Do not feel guilty, you did nothing wrong. You did what was best for you at the time. When you are dating you can discuss this with a potential partner. Most of them will not care. There may be a few that might but not many. Get out there and quit wasting your time. You still have a lot to offer someone. Good luck.
2007-10-24 09:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is barbarick that you were made to be steralized against your wishes and i am so sorry about that for you.
Whatever happened for them to do this was obvious out of your control and you were a different person way back then to now.
You love your children to bits that does not make you a bad parent but a good one it also proves that you can love and be loved.
We can all beat ourselves with a stick over past things but all that happens is the more we beat longer we beat and so much time has gone but more important wasted.
Do not waste anymore time if a man loved you then being steralized will make not one jot of difference to how he feels about you and I should know I was steralized at 29 as i did not want anymore children I ended up getting divorced from him however I then met an amazing man who had no children and knew I would not give him any do you know what he said:
"It does not matter I love you and your children and to me they are mine too"
So do not worry there is life after being steralized and not all men are going to run a mile away because of it.
2007-10-24 09:56:40 · answer #4 · answered by momof3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of women enter relationships and get married even though they can not have children or have more children. Not to make light of the situation but you can not go back 12 years. If you get involved, be honest with that person and tell him you can not have children If you feel comfortable telling him the whole story go ahead but if not just tell him you had surgery years ago and leave it at that. Actually at 42 there are greater risks of conceiving anyway. Most men that are in their early 40's are probably not looking to start a family anyway. Do not be so hard on yourself. We all have our own crosses to bare. Its have we deal with them and with ourselves is what matters.
2007-10-24 09:18:25 · answer #5 · answered by Patty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
o, dear, who thinks about getting a baby at the age of 42? do u know that the risk of getting a retarded child goes up to 50% when a mother is after 35? and u re 42! lots of women are menopausal at that age, so they can't get any children anyway. and if u find a man - just don't go for young guys under 35. if a guy is in his 40 or better late 40 - he doesn't want any kids. i know mine is, i am begging him to have a baby, he says he is tired of babies and wants a quiet life. so find yourself a man with grown up children. what u have is not a big problemn. and anyway, u have children already. love them
2007-10-24 09:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by yeahright 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
not every man wants a child. There are plenty of men out there that dont want children. and yeah I have heard of being forced to get sterilized, but only in certain cases/reasons.
you shouldnt feel bad.if you cant find a guy that likes you for you then he isnt wort it. you keep looking and eventually you will find a man who is ok with the fact that you cant have children
2007-10-24 10:10:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you be in a relationship now? Because you can't have any more children?
Why do you feel guilty? Your question does not have enough info.
Any guy worth being with would understand that you can't have children and be okay with it.
2007-10-24 09:08:50 · answer #8 · answered by Christine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can the state force you to be sterilised? V. confused? I think you need counselling to get you through this.
2007-10-24 09:11:44 · answer #9 · answered by deebee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why that should keep you from being in a relationship. I there are so many kids outhere without a home you can always adopt.
2007-10-24 09:31:21 · answer #10 · answered by chula 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋