Men & Porn ???

Question

My husband and I have only been married for four months and all of the sudden our sex life has seemed to have stopped completely. He spends almost everyday masturbating to porn. I have asked him if there is anything bothering him or anything and have tried all different ways to initiate but he always has an excuse. Any ideas as to what the heck might be the problem. He has gained alot of weight over the last year and is very self concious, but I myself have lost weight and must say I look damn good. So I'm totally lost. Oh & side note - what is it with men & porn ? Any help is always appreciated cuz I am at ropes end trying to figure this out. Thanks !

(Please no mean comments) !

I have watched it with him often in the past and we have even shopped for porn together, but he watches it while I am at work and then is uninterested in me when I get home!

He goes to school during the week and just works on the weekends. So his excuses are always that he is too tired. There are alot of other issues that probably play a part in it, but too much to go into all the details. But I guess being that I am paying for his schooling and making it possible for him to focus on school, it is even more frustrating that he has no interest in me anymore. I am starting to get depressed no matter how hard I try to reassure myself its no big deal. And when I asked him about his "strong" interest in porn - he just said all men do it and its nothing to do with being unhappy and that I am making a big deal about nothing.. but no sex seems like a really big deal to me. I am trying to be patient and find ways to spark his interest but nothing is working. Sorry for the venting, but please HELP !!! :)

Answer 1

Most likely, any problem or issue is directly with him, not you.

But, you are either a part of the problem, or solution. Since you are married, fully committed, then you must learn to be creative and constructive, instead of the ever-so-easy-to-be negative and destructive.

First things first, it's not always "men" and porn. There are untold women into the destructive pornography as well. But realize, that the way women and men are creative, is different. Not "right or wrong", just different. Men are visually motivated, women are emotionally motivated. In general.

So, regarding "your" situation, be his best friend and find out what things turn him on. You may be using all your energy and ideas of what to do to "initiate", and never hit the mark, only discouraging yourself.

Find out from him, what ignites passion and arousal. See if you can "lead" him out of his shell of self-consiousness. He most likely feels very bad that he gained weight, while you lost weight. Make him confident and pull him to the bedroom.

Try creative and different things to make him feel special and loved. Ask what he would like you to do, etc.

Your marriage and relationship is the most important. Understand, that porn is his escape right now. Become by all means, his escape and eventually, porn will go back to where it came from: the garbage can.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Well, one thing here is that he isn't being right to you! He needs to put the porn away and act like a mature man with a real woman in his life. Porn is gutter garbage and does not depict the true intimacy between a husband and wife.You never know he may have been into porn way before he ever married you and could be addicted to it! I would tell him enough is enough here and have one serious discussion about him putting it away because it is causing him to draw away from the true act of making love to you! If he continues to act out this way and keeps on ignoring you ...get him to a marriage counselor to find out what his problem is. Just because he is doing this does not mean you are doing anything wrong! Some men are just nasty and disrespectful no matter how good he's got it with a real woman. Don't take this emotional abuse from him or any man that feels its acceptable....because for you it's not and it is affecting your marriage and the intimacy in it!!!

Answer 4

Finally, it seems like you are a lady who is willing to compromise and can understand the benefits of porn in a relationship. Unfortunately, you have a valid problem from it. All I can tell you to do is talk to him and don't concentrate on what is going on with him this time since it seems you have already tried that route. Instead tell him how this is making you feel without judging him or accusing him of anything. He is probably oblivious to your feelings and concerns. He needs to realize how great it is to have a wife who would watch, shop for and enjoy porn with him. If only I were so lucky. Since he is doing this while you are away, he is probably masturbating to it and not having the proper energy or hormone level stored up in him to have the amount of interest that you desire. The only other thing I can think of is that he may be watching some other type of porn that he doesn't want you to know about for fear it would turn you off. Give those things a shot, and good luck with it.

Answer 5

My girlfriend and I look at porn together all the time. It's a great way to get in the mood for sex. She doesn't mind if I fantasize about the porn stars when on my own, either. It allows me to experience my desires in a way, without going out and doing it in the form of cheating. Plus, she understands that it's not like I would ever have the chance of actually having sex with those actresses. Porn is a great way to stay sexually healthy and enhance a relationship. The same goes for sex toys, both during sex or solo masturbation. Saying that one is okay, and not the other, is a double standard. As for the person who said sex toys and masturbation aren't okay in a relationship: a huge majority of dating/married couples continue to masturbate, even when receiving regular sex. Having some alone time to get intimate with yourself and fantasize is perfectly normal and doesn't at all hurt the relationship. If I wasn't able to fantasize, I might get tired of having sex with my girlfriend every day (bad for the relationship), or might want to find somebody else so that I could relieve the tension created by my desires (especially ones that she is unable or unwilling to fulfill). Those desires don't just magically go away.

Answer 6

You really don't no why he doesn't want to sleep with you I would think it's pretty obvious. The girls on the porn can't see him or touch the areas where he has gained like his stomach. He sees you and he is embarrass because he has gained but with the girls on the porn he doesn't have to hind or make excuses to why he hasn't lost the weight. I think he has the impression that you don't like the fact that he hasn't lost the weight. Have you said anything about how you lost your weight and if you can do it anyone can, that's all it would take for him to get the impression you don't like the way he looks so now he doesn't feel sexy around you. You even said to us how hot you are don't you think you have been flaunting your body in front of him in order to turn him on but he isn't taking it that way. Men are very sensitive when it comes to their looks and without realizing you could be making the situation worse by talking about your weight lost.

Answer 7

As a man with a past porn addiction and who is overweight I can say first and for most that your husband needs counseling. There is no other way to get over porn addiction, porn is not harmless it will corrupt a man's attitudes and relationships with women. Second do not encourage his porn problem by being willing to watch it with him. Third , because of this and not spending time with you he will feel guilty, do not ever throw this in his face when you are mad. Last you both need to go to a couples counselor together.

Answer 8

Men watch porn, it's normal. But for a man to rather watch porn than boink his own hot wife means something else all together. It could be that he is just that self concious about being fat and you being hot...then again, maybe it's something else. What kind of porn is he watching, it could be he's developed some sort of wild fetish that he thinks you won't be into. Talk with the guy, although I'm a firm believer that everyone should enjoy some porn, I'd much rather be making porn than watching if you get my drift.

Answer 9

Man every week it seems like I'm answering questions from women about their men and porn. The fact of the matter is that men are visual creatures, so us going to strip clubs and watching porn is always going to be present, GET OVER IT!

Now on to your specific issue, I think that you may actually have an addict on your hands. It is just as easy to get hooked on porn as it is to get hooked on gambling. But there are some other factors here also. He's self-conscious and getting fatter, you are obviously getting more confident and slimmer. This will play into his negative feelings for himself. Aside from that he's depleting himself sexually throughout the day so he has nothing left for you by night time. I have to ask is he working? And why not if he isn't? A man needs to feel like a man, so if he's not working I'm sure that plays into it as well. Bottom line he has some potentially serious issues.

Answer 10

Internet porn is soooo bad in a marriage. So many married women lost their self esteem and even went to series of depressive moments because of that internet porn.
First, since you're only 4 months married...ask your husband if he had been doing ever since..I mean before you get married...He might be an internet porn addict..You have to ask him to see a psychologist..That addiction to porn will eat his brain until he becomes useless...I have been answering a lot of questions about this internet porn thing and a lot of wife really get so depressed...Help him...Tell him to stop...Research about the negative effects of porn and show it all to him. One wife got so mad she had nervous breakdown that she was confined in a psychiatric ward.
Dont be offended though..Even if you're the most beautiful woman on earth, if yur husband is an addict to porn..he still will view porn...