I want to ask my husband for a divorce. should I do it now or wait until after the Holidays?

Question

I am sorry there are no kids.
we have bee married for 10 yrs, together 13 but I have not been happy for a long time..... It defenlty is not about presents it is more of a money issue.

Answer 1

Have a heart and wait until after the holidays to destroy your husbands life.

Answer 2

First of all, let me tell you how sorry I am that you & your husband are having problems and it has come to this.
Because of my personal faith, and also because of my own very painful personal experience, I feel that divorce should be avoided if at all possible, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
Most of the problems you have now will NOT be solved by a divorce, and in fact you will most likely create some new ones. I will explain more about what I mean by that at the end of this response, but let me directly answer your specific ? first.

Do NOT wait until after or around the holidays. That's what my ex did to me and it was incredibly painful and added insult to injury that he stuck around long enough to try and look all holly-jolly and get his presents before he took off!
He also had made plans with the kids to pop firecrackers for New Year's that he obviously had no intentions of keeping, and left me with all the after-Christmas tasks of taking down the tree, returning stuff that didn't fit or didn't work, etc. as well as that after-Christmas let-down that makes people blue anyway. Oh, and did I mention that the day he told me was exactly on the anniversary of my dad's death a few days after Christmas--I think he knew how sad I would be anyway and did it for spite!

OK, even if you take the things out of my scenario that don't apply to you, it's still a rotten idea to do this on or around the holiday season. Don't fake it with his family or yours through another holiday season, be up front about it and take the consequences.

Now, if you want some reasons why this may not be such a good idea at all, here goes:
$$$$$ If you think you are broke now, wait until you get through dividing everything and paying lawyers.
Kids (if you have them) Custody issues and visitation conflicts and every milestone they will ever have will be complicated and often contentious from now on
Yourself --whatever you are feeling now that is making you so unhappy may very well continue and NOT be caused by or related to your marriage. If it is your own personal restlessness or mid-life crisis or whatever, leaving your husband will NOT fix it--you have to work on your issues yourself

I recommend that you sit down with your husband and talk about doing whatever it takes to make the relationship work. Go to counseling, get away for a weekend, make lists of things you want that you aren't getting now, work through your differences, etc. If there is any way for you to make it work, do so. If one of you is being unfaithful to the marriage, break it off.

If you do decide to go through with it, I wish you the best--I know it's not easy. I have found a wonderful man, remarried and made the best of it, so there is life after divorce, but some of the pain (the loss of the ideal, the stuff with the kids, the baggage from the past that keeps popping up) never goes away.

Answer 3

If you go through the motions, your are not being fair to either of you. This being said, you have a love of variable that you have not mentioned.

Keep these things in mind:

If you have children and how it will affect them
How receptive he will be
If you/your children have a place to stay in the duration
Your financial sitiation
If both of you have worked to the best of your ability
If your state is a no fault divorce state
How strong your communication has been in the past
If you have received counseling, or he has in the past
If you have an attorney and have been building a case
If there is domestic violence involved - if so - GET OUT!

I hope this helps. This is just the 30 second question list, but asking yourself these questions can help you make the best decision for yourself.

May this go as peacefully as can be for you both... and as safely... Good Luck!

Answer 4

First, you don't ask for a divorce! You tell him you are divorcing him. End of statement and no discussion. It is now to late for discussion. What you will find is now he wants to talk and has many reasons you should stay! Still you should leave!
Second, Do it now. Waiting only will make you ambivalent and anger him more if he finds out you waited until after the holidays!

Answer 5

If you are unhappy then you need to do it now. Otherwise it will drain your life and put more stress on the holidays. If you already made holiday plans together with family, you can go together if it would be civil. Maybe a seperation is needed before the holidays and it you want divorce afterwards then continue with it. Don't stay in misery just to please others. Your own happiness comes first :)

Answer 6

my mum felt/feels the same as u at the moment....but she says its cuz of us kids that shes sticking it out...this has been going on since last yr nd there have been loads of complaications nd dont really wanna go in2 all the ins and outs but basically wat i do wanna say is that if there are kids involved then think really carefully how its going 2 affect them if u string out the agony at home!!

there is never a gd time to get a divorce! also i think that if u do wat until after the holidays then this may confuse things in their heads because then ur family(husband, &mayb kids) may think "wat? but u were ok these holidays. how can u say this now?" nd in a roundaboout way they may c it as that u were lying to them over the holidays....kids or not!!

thought u mite like the opinion of a 17 yr old stuck in the middle of the situation u cld create.

Answer 7

It would help if you'd given more details, such as whether you have children, how long you've been together and why you want the divorce. But barring the need to escape an abusive or otherwise unhealthy situation, why not stick it out through the holidays.

Answer 8

You should definately bring up the issue but not necessarily ask for it out right just yet. If he is aware of the problems it would give the two of you time to possibly work on it if you are willing. The holidays are very busy that would be just to much to deal with I think

Answer 9

Went through the same thing last year. Your best to do it now if there are no kids involved. After the holiday's then you'll be saying, should I do it now or after valentines day. If your sure its something you want to do, the best thing to do is just get it out of the way and stop delaying it. I delayed for about a year and a half so I'm living proof of why not to wait.

Answer 10

I would say do it as soon as possible. The holiday season isn't in full swing, and he could have time to deal a little before the season does come on full force. Though I would take into account if your husband has close friends and family he can talk to. If he does, then I would suggest get it over with.