was this really stupied and possible opend a can of worms.....?

Question

i broke up with my ex of 3 years a month ago...it ended really bad he said a lot of horrible things and it was just bad...i wrote a email to him i wasnt going to send it i just wanted to get my feelings down...and out of my head...i basicaly said i miss you but im at peace with my choice and i think we are both better off...that he hurt me alot but i learned from him that i will always think about him and miss him...then i sent it...he cant write me back i blocked his email and i change my number i just had to get out my feelings...he cant contact me but still was that completley stupied...my friends would be pissed if i told them i.... just had so much to say....did i do the right thing

okay dont answer the question if your not going to read it...i was with him for 3 years...we have been broken up for 1 month. there are reasons i changed my number he went pyco..i didnt need the last word he said all he needed to i never got the chance..i broke up with him i do not want him back

Answer 1

Sounds exactly like what I would do too. I can never tell if it is the right thing or not BUT it made you feel better to tell him somethings that were mind and that is ALL that matters!

EDIT: I see a lot of good answers with a lot of thumbs down. I think you did the right thing it made you feel better and thats what you needed. Screw these other people they haven't been there and they don't know.

Answer 2

And if you r not at peace with your choice ...what then ? Did he realize you loved him ? Did you tell him ? Would he ever get the message ? Time flys and people change thier minds and some pre-plan for a eventful future ... Sometimes the timing is off and TIME does have a way of sorting out events .... If the worms needed fed they need to before they die .... You cannot take back things that are negative but you can relive what you left unsaid ... And if it was worth saying you need to say it ... That can of worms could be the beginning of a great fishing trip that last a lifetime...Do not ever rely on someone eles word ...but trust whats on someones lips and those words you hear from thier lips and the softness of thier voice.... .

Answer 3

You did NOT do the right thing. It has been 3 months and it doesn't sound like you have moved on at all. If you were honestly at peace with everything, you wouldn't have had to write that letter, you could have just moved on with your life. If you wrote that letter to me I'd find a way to contact you and give you a harsh piece of my mind. And it sounds like he is a terrible person, not a nice guy like me. It looks like childish as well because you are doing whatever you can to get the last word. And if you do something you can't tell other people about, it probably isn't the right thing to do.

Answer 4

Don't know thatI'd say it was "stupid" however, if it was only a month ago, things still haven't settled, you haven't given yourself a chance to move on, and you are probubly just missing the familiarity of being in a relationship. If he wants to, he will find you to get ahold of you. I don't know how bad it was twards the end, or the reason you split, but keep in mind, people don't just change. You have to decide if you want it truely over. what is right and wrong. Expressing your feelings after the fact and only a month later, gaurantee if you talked to him, it would end bad again. Peole don't just change. YOu need to give yourself a chance to move on, we all have gone through this and there are always things left usaid. Ask yourself why you truely wrote him, and you will probuly find that you either miss the dramma, you want him to feel bad about being apart, you aren't over him, etc...

Answer 5

It sounds like you wanted to send it all along, and you wanted to make sure you got the last word by blocking his email and changing your number. You probably wanted to get back at him for saying those horrible things to you last month and make him feel guilty. It's natural. You probably aren't over it yet.

The only way you're going to get past this is to stop obsessing. You're done. It's over. There's nothing more to hash out or argue over and you obviously don't want him contacting you so do not contact him again.

Next time, if you want to "get your feelings down" then take a notebook and write them down on paper. Then put the notebook away.

Answer 6

No, that was probably what you needed to get off of your mind and reach that final hurdle of breaking up.

3 years is a LONG time, and a large portian of your life, so I can understand you needing to voice your feelings.

Who knows if he got the e-mail, but if he can't contact you back by phone or e-mail, you'll never know what he thought of it.

I'd think you're safe on the con-o-worms not being opened, but if you were hurt badly, then you make the calls for future contact or not with him.

It sounds like you are still healing after only a month. You'll be fine. Get out and do some of your favorite things, that you missed out on in those 3 years. :)

Answer 7

No, you're fine, it wasn't stupid, it was a good thing to do.

I too wrote my then-soon-to-be-ex a letter when we were getting divorced. I actually saved it on my computer, and years later I stumbled across it and re-read it. Even though it was written at the time when I was hurting a lot, I realized that most things I put down on paper still stood true. For the record, my ex and I are now past all of that, and are on good terms, 7 years after the divorce. I am re-married.

I think you did the right thing for the right reasons. It would be stupid of you to send this e-mail and then sit by the phone nervously waiting for him to call back - harboring the hope that he will come back and everything's gonna be "ok". But it sounds like you're ready to move on. You're doing great. Good luck.

Answer 8

Understand that most men don't really read these emails. They may skim over the message, but it doesn't mean a heck of alot. They usually don't feel as deeply as women do. Neither do they spend alot of time pouting over past hurts. If you felt the need to express your feelings, so be it. Now it's time to move on. Next time, instead of sending messages that nobody reads, talk to your man face-to-face. Find the courage to do that. It's the one thing men try to avoid--confrontation.

Answer 9

I know you didn't mean it but that's really sort of an emotional hit and run. He doesn't get to express HIMSELF but you expressed yourself.

This is just my opinion, but if someone I had been with for a long time did that to me, it would feel like they just had to get the last word in.

Again, this is just how I would take it so it's just personal opinion. I'm in no way suggesting you're a bad person btw. Situations like this are stressful and we all tend to do things we regret when we're emotionally stressed out.

Answer 10

I don't know if it was the "right thing," but it was certainly understandable. A lot of times the heat of passion intimidates some people and they do not get to express what they really feel. If that lack of expression is keeping you from moving on, you should get it off your chest if you send it, okay or if you just throw it away, also okay. A lot of people should use the method to get beyond grief. I wrote both my parents, and a man who broke my soul. I don't know if it was the "right thing" but I felt a whole lot better.