he has made a "female" friend (he's a truck driver and claims she is too) and that they only talk on the phone. He said it's never been a sexual thing, only friends talking but, I know/knew about all of his friends but her. I had asked him about the name in his cell phone before and he said that "HE'S jsut a friend". So he'd originally lied about it before saying she was a man. I asked him why he'd not tell me about her and he said that he didn't think anything of it, that he didn't think i'd take it the right way (he's had female friends before and I did'n't care...i understand it's possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex) What I got from the whole thing is that he was using her as someone to listen to him use me as a punching bag for his frustrations. He's the type of man that blames everything on anyone but himself and he's very burnt out on work and I can't work because we have too many kids that would need child care. Can't afford it.
2007-10-24 07:32:23 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So he resents me for that...of course. Our sex life has ALWAYS been beyond words GOOD! We get along like best friends for the most part. But lately I had noticed that our communication level plummited big time and we started argueing a lot all of a sudden too. That's when I got suspicious and found the phone calls on the cell phone bill and they were talking A LOT over about a month and a half. (Same time period that things started going sour) GOD I love my instincts. But I want to know what everyones take on this situation is. Male and female please.
2007-10-24 07:34:57 · update #1
Well...we are on the east coast and she is in Wisconsin. No meeting and since both of them knew I was not informed of the "friendship" I have no desire to meet the B****.
2007-10-24 11:49:26 · update #2
What do you think? Should I let him read this for himsellf so he can see for himself what he looks like from the outside looking in?
2007-10-24 11:53:43 · update #3
sounds like he has got something on the side. you should too while he is gone
2007-10-24 07:38:15 · answer #1 · answered by matakovich602 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
I have found that when they lie about something, there is an underlying reason. The same thing happened to me and I also noted the change in things when this mistery phone girl came into the picture. If he has had female friends in the past, why would you take this one any different? Because it is different to him, that's why. He knows the truth and is hiding it. Best to get this all out in the open before you two starting fighting and resenting each other which is not a good environment for the kids. I would ask why he thought you would think differently about this female friend in particular?
2007-10-24 07:42:44 · answer #2 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was/is in a similar situation. The advice I received was to ask him to ask her to dinner with the 2 of you. If he has had female friends in the past what was your relationship with the? This friend should be no different. At least you will be able to see how the 2 of them are together. If it is not possible to get all 3 of you together, you may want to call her yourself. Your lead in could be something along the lines as" Hi this is Joes wife, I know he talks with you more then to me some days (joking, lighthearted) he has been kinda down in the dumps lately do you know what is bothering him" Do not let her think she has the upper hand and that you are well aware of their relationship. She may spill any beans that may need spilled, of course if you think that your hubby would take all of this out on you maybe not such a good idea for you.
2007-10-24 07:53:32 · answer #3 · answered by Patty 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In that case, tell him that you know and want to know what he intend to do about the current situation as, I assume that you're not up for sharing.
HE wouldn't like it, I'm pretty sure of that.
So, ask him about his responsibility as a father and as a husband.
If he doesn't end it with her, I'd suggest to you to make sure you get yourself a job pronto.
Let him feel the fire too.
If you get yourself a job, the two of you can play at the game.
In fact, you don't have to do anything, but when one is cheating, the chances are, they become very paranoid and are afraid that the same thing might happen to them.
At the moment he is having it good. You're safely at home, so nothing can happen.
Go get a job; Get some self confidence, some self esteem, and trust me, he'll either get his acts together, or you'll be the one to show him the door.
You're already pointing at yourself to excuse the situation: He's working hard.
You'd lose out.
You are a housewife!
So, you sound like you have nothing to offer. That what you are doing is not good enough.
Well, you'd better quit the mentality or be ready to share!
2007-10-24 08:29:11 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Having been through your situation - your hubby is having what is called an emotional affair. In my opinion - cheating. My hubby did the same thing. I also noticed a dip in our relationship and it conincided with his new found friend. Whether or not there's a physical relationship - there is still an emotional one. All of that time he spends talking to her - when he should be talking to you. I had to confront hubby and give him an ultamatium. Her or me and the kids. He chose us. But - I can honestly say - if anything like that happens again, I would leave in a heartbeat. I honestly don't trust him anymore. But - you could be different. I would sit him down with all the phone bills and confront him - see what he says. Make him squirm. Couldn't you maybe get a part time job - just once or twice a week?? I know it's hard working with / around the kids - trust me, I have 3!!!
2007-10-24 08:14:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds to me like you both have a lot to talk about.
whether he's cheating or not, you have some bumps to iron out. whether or not he's cheating on determines how big those bumps are.
you need to have a long talk about his little friend. what he's getting from her that he's not getting from you. work on his resentment...maybe he wants to stay home for a bit and you go out to work...
have you ever really looked into child care?? it's not as bad as you think and the more kids that are there sometimes they have packages to cut some of the costs.
even if it's part time care so you can get a part time job....
OR maybe a friend or family member could watch them.
sounds like maybe he isn't cheating, but IS getting something from this woman that he's not getting from you.
talk to him and try and find out what that is.
take care sweetie
2007-10-24 08:40:14 · answer #6 · answered by joey322 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Truckin gets boring............REALLY BORING! If she drives too then they probably have alot of time on their hands and maybe he is being sincere, maybe they do JUST TALK, she is most likely in a totally different area then him doing her trucking thing too. Maybe you should lighten up and gain some self esteem, if things are as good as you say why would he stray anyway. I drove a truck for about a year and I talked to the guys alot just because I was bored, but I never crossed any lines. No offense but truckers are usually not the hottest catch anyway, I wouldn't worry too much probably just being paranoid.
2007-10-24 07:39:14 · answer #7 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You said: "he's had female friends before and I did'n't care...i understand it's possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex"
Sure it is, while they share stories,become emtionally attached, share something that no-one else understands, then the affair happens. Sounds like it`s happening already.
2007-10-24 07:46:49 · answer #8 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
basically, he's opening up to her, and not you, so, that's cheating... he's depriving you of the communication you need as his wife, and that's cheating... so, instead of him communicating w/ you, he's arguing... because all his good conversations are had w/ her... and she basically tells him that he should put his foot down to you instead of telling him that he should be more understanding! sigh! I would tell him he has to cut all communications w/ her, or it will never work out w/ you and him... you are the one he should be talking to, not, her... fooey! if he didn't stop talking to her, I'd divorce him... then he would really have no more money... make him think for a change... instead of letting him talk... =)
2007-10-24 07:40:12 · answer #9 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sounds like the spidey sences are tingling for a reason, his actionsa and aversions are more than enough to awaken suspicion, and you have every right to question the calls etc. Now what's your next step?
2007-10-24 07:38:21 · answer #10 · answered by Diamond Dogs 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It could be the truth. Truck drivers can get really bored
As someone who has been cheating on, if they are lying they're guilty of something.
2007-10-24 07:45:45 · answer #11 · answered by Sparxfly 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋