Can he be "fixed"?

Question

I am 35 and have 1 child from a previous relationship. He is 37 and has never been married.

We have been together (living together 2 1/2 of those years) for 5 years. He is at that point where he says he's not sure if this relationship is right for him. He loves me (and my child), but is not sure if he's "in love" anymore. He bought me an engagement ring last December & now is in unsure about the whole forever thing.

His parents went through a messy divorce when he was in college. He will be the first one to admit that it has affected his relationships. When things get too close, he runs.

Can he be fixed? Would counceling help him to deal with his commitment issues?

Is it time to cut my losses and run?

Answer 1

Move out, then see how he feels. He might just be comfortable with things the way they are now and doesn't feel the need to marry you.

Answer 2

You've been together for 5 years....that's longer then some people are married.

He's 37 and has a hard time committing and he still says it's because of his parents divorcing....hmmm...well, if ya truly love him then yea, get him to go to counseling. I would think that could be "fixed" (if that is truly the problem) If he can't proceed after counseling, then you will need to find someone else if you want to get married.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Don't play games. Assess the reality of the situation and behave in a respectful, adult manner. If he's not capable of committing, you need to move on.

Someone told me once "not to decide, is to decide". If he can't decide if he wants the forever thing, he's basically decided he doesn't.

You don't fix people unless they want to be fixed. You'll only benefit from counselling if he's willing to go.

Don't be afraid to walk away. You can survive on your own if you have to. I've been there, done that (waited 2 1/2 years) and finally walked away. I moved away from the city he lived in and was pretty much alone for the next 8 years. I've finally found "the man of my dreams". In any event, I've pretty much been grateful that I didn't waste any more time waiting for him to "make up his mind".

It doesn't take that long to decide if someone is right for you. Remember, if he doesn't think you're right for him, you don't need to feel bad. There are a lot of reasons people don't choose to commit and it's more likely his issue than yours. All you can do is carefully consider your role in the relationship, work to change anything you think you might have done differently, and move on.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Forever can be a scary thing. since you are both in your thirties, there is a good chance a marriage will last for about 40 to 50 years and even that is a long time. Propose to him a 10 year committment that will be re-evaluated half a year prior to the 10 years being up. Then you can either extend, fix what needs fixing or go your separate ways.

Answer 5

Yes, counseling would definitely help him, but that is a decision he and he alone has to make. If you attempt to push it on him, it won't work. He is being honest about the commitment issue, if he is not willing to seek help then you should consider moving on, or be satisfied with the current situation.

Answer 6

He is 37 ands still blaming his inability to commit on his parents divorce? from what 18 years ago?

He needs to get a spine and so do you!

Time to move on and cut your losses while you can

Answer 7

Consueling will help him with his ideas he doe snot want to commit but he has already lived with you he loved your kids I do not see what the problem is he really needs to be the one asking the questions not you but help me get consueling and if all works well then great and if not another man will come into your life and like you said you need to cut your losses and walk away.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but the day you decided to be a "baby momma" instead of insisting on him treating you with respect and marrying you, YOU played yourself!

This guy clearly isn't in love with you. Move on now while you are sort of still young.....40 year old single baby mommas don't tend to do well in the dating market!

Answer 9

Woman

Answer 10

i think he can be fixed through counseling if he will go...if he's stayed with you that long and he has already bought you the engagement ring he just needs someone to give him that final push...just keep reminding him that youre in it forever with him and you dont want him to go through what his parents went through with divorce...hope everything works out :)