I love him, but i'm not in love with him?

Question

Well, me and my husband almost got a divorce. It started with the fact that every time we got into an argument (which was rare) he would say he was leaving or he just didn't care anymore. The other problem was addicted to his computer game and nothing else seemed to matter. At first he said it was for the best but he eventually realized that it was crazy to divorce me over a computer game and stopped playing altogether. I can't see myself living without him because I love him, but i'm not in love with him. I don't know what to do, he says he can live with me even if i am not IN love with him, but i wouldn't want to hold him if the distance between us remains between us. Do you think i should stay with him and try to fall in love with im again or just let him go because of my being unsure of whether i'll feel the same way about him again? When we first met he was always spending time with me, but after we got married he changed. He says he trying to go back to the way things used to be

Thank you all for your answers, you really helped me out.

Answer 1

Get the romance back... Do the things you used to do. He sounds like he really cares so dont' throw it away. You made a commitment, you really need to try to make things work.

Answer 2

This to me is classic, this is where two people feel the need to spend alot of time together in order to prove that they love each other. And you guys are setting unrealistic heights for the relationship in the first place? You can't live without each other?? I can't think a soul that I can't live without! I can think of countless people I would really hate to live without but I am a whole individual who is choosing to make it no matter WHAT the circumstance is! Secondly, people change, and love changes, the reason you love people changes, but it never leaves. What does leave is that romantic high you feel in the beginning, where you really feel naseauas or sick to your stomach, because those are really chemicals that being released in body(literally) that end when the infatuation or newness wears off. But that is seperate from love. Love is choosing to except someone for the who they are flaws and all and promising to work on it CONTINOUSLY! Love is not a contionous state of bliss that never weathers. That is only for the movies. SO don't throw your relationship away for something that is created on a hollywood silverscreen. I suggest that you look for ways to add some fun back into the marriage without all of the expectations. Sounds like you guys just need to live and learn. You might want to read Dr. Robin Smiths latest book lies at the altar because its a good luck for newlyweds or people that rekindle that flame.

Answer 3

The solution is simple, get a hobby. His hobby is wasting time in front of the idiot bock playing his mindless games (that is how I see gaming systems). Do something that will break the norm, whether it is hanging out with your friends, or going to the mall, or to the movies. Night clubs are the worst place to go, not only because of the temptation there BUT the simple fact that his mind will wander and start to wonder what you are doing and who you are doing it with.

Once he realizes that you can function perfectly well without him either his head will get out of his *** and realize what a catch your are OR he will go farther into his game. If the second option is what he chooses, then stop wasting time and get the divorce, because he divorced you a long time ago and remarried to his games.

Answer 4

Have you considered counseling? If he won't consider it, then maybe you would be better off leaving him, at least for a while. Maybe some time away from each other would open his eyes as to what life would be without you. To many times it seems couples will just assume one or the other will never leave regardless of circumstances. This is a very bad mistake and if the problem persist can eventually cause the love that was once there to turn in to resentment.

Answer 5

You have to know yourself. Are you the type of person who can go through with a divorce? Or are you the type who is not going to leave someone (barring major issues like physical abuse, etc)? If you think you can go through with it, more power to you. In the long run, you will probably be a happier, more fulfilled woman. If you are the kind to stick marriage out to the end, you should put your best self forward to kindling what is left of the flames between you. It may never be as passionate as it once was, but a deeper kind of mutual respect, admiration and friendship can probably develop. Best of luck to you.

Answer 6

I think you need both need some counseling. It sounds like you both love eachother but I really think you shouldn't settle for a situation just because the more difficult thing would be to leave. Counseling would give you two the opporunity to communicate openly and maybe that would rekindle things on its own. I think if you both are willing to try it wouldn't hurt anything to seek professional help as well.
I understand what you are going through, my boyfriend loves his video games and has practically every system available, so there is always a new game comming out for one of those systems. I get frustrated because he spends most of his free time playing games and would rather stay up til early morning finishing a game then having sex with me. I have learned to accept that those games are part of how he relaxes and I just appreciate the time we do share together. Plus, I have learned to have my own hobbies.

Answer 7

That is sort of the way love and marriage works I have found. When you first meet someone...anyone...you have that "puppy love". Then as time goes on and you become the wife some times things progress to the strong friendship stage. My husband and I are good friends. I often wonder if we will stand the test of time...but when I get that thought...I erase it from my mind and think about our 10th our 15th anniversary plans instead. I try to be a little more possitive. I am the only possitive person in my house. I have 2 11 year old step twins that live with us, but still do almost anything to make me angry just so they have juicy news to call their Mom about. I don't let them get to me....I run my own race and make my own happiness. While he is playing the games...find something for yourself to do. Read a book, cross stitch, do a puzzle. I have learned nagging gets you no where! I wish you luck!

Answer 8

I would first recommend counseling. I think that could do the both of you some good to help try to make the marriage work. Based on personal experience, I think couples fall in and out of love. You took a vowel when you got married, so you should really try to work it out. I have found through a failed marriage and my current marriage that for me the most important thing is that we love one another and are best friends. We aren't perfect but we are committed to each other and really try to support each other's needs.
Try to reconnect with your husband by going on dates once a week, or do some of the things together that you did while dating. I wouldn't give up on him yet.

Answer 9

I love him but I'm not in love with him

What the H does that crap mean

I like him paying the bills but I want to bed the pool boy.
I don't know what the deal is between you two but you can start with your immaturity for those silly comments and the other is did you marry a man or a boy, video games? I mean if you two are married you should be banging not playing video games.

Answer 10

I think you should get some marriage counseling and try to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Your husband needs to spend more time with you, and you need to let him play on the computer SOME, but not all the time. I don't think you need to throw in the towel just yet. Work on the relationship first. Then if it still doesn't work, you can both walk away knowing you really tried to make it work.

Answer 11

Hmmm. I've been there. Tell him what it is you do want. I needed TIME AND ATTENTION. But know that you cannot change someones basic personality. Many many couples stay together because they are afraid there won't be anything better. I figured being alone was better than being with him in the end. At least I wouldn't be his maid and housekeeper.
Try to focus on the things that made you fall in love with him in the first place. But you are scared, and I understand. Make your needs known, be open to HIS needs and see if you can meet in the middle. Communication is key. God Bless.