I've only been married for a short time and I make more than my husband. He has more bills/debt than I do. He told me that he would work overtime to pay off his student loan and his outstanding debt. When we moved we had to buy brand new furniture. I ended up paying $600 (on a cc that I just paid off) for a portion of his share and also $150 of his share of the rent and he said he would pay me back the next week. Once we combined our income, he told me to take the money out of the acct and pay off what he owed. I realized that if I did that, I would be paying all the bills b/c he didn't have enough to pay me back and pay bills. He is not working all the overtime shifts (2nd job) that he planned to when we moved in. I told him that he needs to work at least one or 2 extra shifts b/c he does not have enough income to pay his bills. I know when your married you should share everything but I do not make enough to support both of us and I don't want him depending on my money. Selfish?
2007-10-24 04:55:41 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi... first off, you are right, he needs to pay off his own college loans... and keep them in his own name.....
And, if you discussed your financial arrangements before marriage, then your plan needs to be followed.
Keeping your money separate is a personal choice, and in your case, a good idea, since he has more debt. You aren't responsible for his bills.. he is. I think it's wonderful you refuse to be his mom... he probably already has one.
Also, i'm sure you knew his financial standing BEFORE saying "i do" ? If so, you shouldn't be shocked that his bills exceed his income. He needs to take care of it and do whatever it takes to pay off outstanding debt.
NO you are not selfish. You are practical.
2007-10-24 05:01:33 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 3⤊ 7⤋
This is hard becuase when you got married you said for richer or for poorer for sickness and in health you guys were going to suport each other these are vows people need to live by you are not being selfish but I think you need to be a little more supportive to his feelings I think just as long as he is giving you some money then this is I mean working some more shifts is not going to be bad for him but it might be tiring and the rent can not wait so I suggest you help him look for a better job something that will allow him to make more and if not push he to take some more time at work and when he gets home greet with him w dinner or lunch or breakfast ask him how is day went and let me rest.
2007-10-24 05:05:02 · answer #2 · answered by Lost 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Selfish? Well, I am not sure. First to me it seems like you perhaps you don't make enough money to pay all the bills but between what he makes and what you make combined you guys could make it but then you would end up feeling like your carrying his load as well as yours. In which your frustration would be understandable to an extent. Also , at the end of your post you said I don't want him depending on MY money. and when you put it that way that does sound a little on the selfish side, but that doesn't mean that selfishness is a bad thing. If what your trying to say is you don't mind helping out but you don't want him to start slacking because of that,maybe you should bluntly tell him that. That way he doesn't feel like you don't want to help. You just want him to work as hard as he has to in order to pull his weight. In addititon, you said something that got my mind to wondering? How was he paying his bills prior to getting married? Was this something he was struggling with then? and if so how was his work ethic at that time? Did he do what needed to be done to make ends meet? Or did he pay what he could pay, and worried about the rest later? You may need to ponder that a moment and live in your truth, as in whether or not this was something that you ignored prior to the marraige. But here is a suggestion, My husband and I have a bill acct.& a joint savings acct, then we each have an personal checking and savings acct. we do it by percentages vs actual dollar amts. Thats puts us on an more even scale. not whoever makes the most pays the most. We both give 15% to the joint savings, and we both put 42% of our checks into the bill acct. The rest of the money is our individual money to what we please no questions asked. This works for us because normally my husband makes more money than me, ( I work on commission) but we contribute the same amt percentage wise so I feel just as entitled and just helpful as he does.
Hope this helps? if not See a financial advisor, it may help if you have a third opinion from a professional.
2007-10-24 05:17:37 · answer #3 · answered by Mrs.G-unit 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, thats pretty selfish. When married you need to get used to the fact that his loans and debts are now your loans and debts too. It doesnt matter which get paid off first or whos income goes toward paying it, because your income is owned by him, and his is owned by you. Theres no seperating money in marriage, that is just going to lead to fights. You combine your incomes and debts, and you both work the best ways you can to take care of your responsibilities.
#1 your being selfish
#2 you should never say "I cannot afford" in marriage, it is "we cannot afford"
#3 just try to balance what your asking of your husband, is it worth the time hes going to need to spend away from you for the extra money? It may be that you really do need it, and it may be that its nice, but it puts too much stress on the marriage. It's important to consider everything.
2007-10-24 05:09:34 · answer #4 · answered by billgoats79 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, very unreasonable and very selfish. You keep saying mine and his instead of ours.
My first question would be why you had to buy brand new furniture if there are bills to be paid. My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years and we have never had brand new furniture. You need to decide what you "need" and what you "want".
When you married him you married him for better or for worse. If you are better with money than the ideal situation would be for you to take care of the budget and help teach him that kind of stuff. Besides, it's not like he's not working and not contributing to the marriage and the finances. It's not a competition, if you make more...great, but it's not a competition you both have the same goals...atleast I hope!?!?
2007-10-24 05:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by Kim B 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
yes you are being selfish. I would not stay with you if that is how you looked at things. You are married, this is not a 50/50 relationship....each person HAS to give 100% or it won't work. That means financially also. I understand you not wanting your husband to totally depend on your means, but he is working full time and working overtime to cover his expenses...but your part is to help him out when he needs it, and vice versa. AND - do it without marking a tally sheet. Don't keep tract of "your part" and "his part" put your money together, pay all the bills (yours and his) then whatever is left over you guys split.
And, just because you make more money than him doesn't give you free reigns to decide what you want to help him pay for or not. It just means that you have a better opportunity to contribute to family needs. It is a blessing, so don't throw that in his face, ever!
2007-10-24 05:03:37 · answer #6 · answered by amyvnsn 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
ok, I comprehend the place you're coming from. I had a toddler 2 months in the past. I purely have 2 childrens. After myy 2nd toddler, I have been given ill. i've got been ill for awhile now. i'm slowly taking toddler steps to advance yet different days are greater beneficial than others. I actual have not had a intercourse stress for awhile the two. he's often asking and that i think accountable and ashamed myself yet i comprehend that if i'm not in the temper I won't have any relaxing out of it and he could cuz hell % it. don't experience like your being unreasonable, you purely comprehend your physique greater beneficial than he does and after having a c-area and having the mirena in afterwards, your physique is going by way of lots stunning now. I agree which you need to take it sluggish and don't experience accountable do what's stunning for you.
2016-10-04 12:04:03 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some may say selfish, but when you've been with someone and had a joint account and had them just about send you both into bankruptcy, it's not so selfish anymore but realistic.
Bills have to be paid and to keep resentments from forming re: who spends more money on what, it's not unfair to split the bills down the middle if possible. If both parties don't make incomes that would allow that, then the two people need to decide on an arrangement they find equitable that won't leave either feeling they're being taken advantage of.
Financial issues are one of the top problems in marriages/relationships.
2007-10-24 05:02:30 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Well, your either married or your not. And if your still looking at a his and her income, in which you stated you made more then he did to begin with. It appears that some where along the line you forgot and you are still acting like a single person. A marriage is a combination of money, house hold , etc. and I suspect you ought to decide if marriage is what you want, or will you always be holding it over his head that you make more money then he does.?
2007-10-24 05:08:02 · answer #9 · answered by fuzzykitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take each of your incomes and deduct individual debt. Now, add up the leftover. This is your total household income. Use it to pay joint bills and put some aside as savings if you can. Now, divide the remainder equally as spending money. This may mean more of "your" money goes to living expenses, but over time, as his debt decreases, it will even out more.
2007-10-24 06:28:41 · answer #10 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs to pull their own weight.
#1 Open a checking Acct to pay bills.
Both of you contribute have the cost for these bills you share.
Example: rent, electric, cable
#2 Open another checking Acct for house hold expenses.
Food, home repair, nick-nacks, plates, towels
Again each of you put in half of what you BUDGET should be in this account per week/month.
#3 Open a Savings Acct that does not have ATM access. Something that you have to walk into the bank to get the money. Easy Access = Easy Spending. Again both of you put in what you want to BUDGET in for savings.
#4 Open up TWO personal checking accounts one for you and open for your spouse. This is where you put any money left over from your paycheck that hasn't already been allocated into Bills, Expenses or Savings.
This account is your and his fun money. If you plan a vacation or weekend away this is where the money comes from. think about it. If you took the money from your savings you are just shooting yourself in the foot. Next if they/you want to buy a birthday gift the person is using their money. What sort of gift is bought with your own money? "Honey, I bought you this with your money!"
#5 This system will clearly show who is being responsible and who needs to grow up.
Good luck
2007-10-24 05:19:30 · answer #11 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋