Why do wives who work have to be "grateful" for husband who help out around the house?

Question

I am so sick of seeing people answer questions with "be glad your husband helps" and so on. Why is it if the hubby and wife both work and bring in equal pay (and I mean equal) and they have kids and she cooks, cleans, takes care of kids, keeps up with everything and he does "laundry" and the budget do people think she should be grateful? Why do we expect so little of men and when they do things around the house it's that they are helping "us" out. My husband works on the railroad is gone days at a time, but then is home for like 5 days too. On his time off he plays golf and takes naps and watches tv and so on, if he does laundry and keeps the budget up people act like he is the king. I think he should do everything I do and I should get a break too, is that wrong? Don't get me wrong I DO appreciate what he does do, but why is it so much less than me and why do I have to feel thankful. He doesn't come home and thank me everyday......agree or disagree? Just curious....thanks

Answer 1

I agree that both partners should help each other.

Personally I do not think I know one single woman that has time to "golf"........

Answer 2

I wish my wife would get off her lazy butt and do a few things around the house... if I don't get up and do it, it rarely gets done, or doesn't get done at all, and if she does anything, she may as well not do it because halfway is like not doing it at all. Does she appreciate what I do? No! Grateful? No!

btw: I put in 12+ hrs a day at the office plus have a 70 mile commute, 5+ days a week... she does a std 40. No Kids...

So, what's the use? You do some and they want you to do more. Then you end up doing it all, or most of it, while the wife finds an excuse not to have time to do those things....

Then the traditional things that guys do around the house get left undone, nobody there to help.

I honor the guys who are able to get away with it...

Answer 3

IMO... If he is off for 5 days, why isn't that house clean? I mean yes, relax have some rest, but why can't he take.. say one day.. and have the house clean, errands ran and dinner on the table when you get home? It shouldn't matter about "equal" pay... If you both work, and both work full time, thats equal to me. And, chores can't be 50/50. Look at mowing the law and laundry, one is more work that the other, but one takes longer. (mainly the waiting for it to wash then waiting for it to dry.) So, you have to look at strengths, not 50/50. Why should we only give 50%? I think it should be 100/100... (Just my opinion) Then start to look at everything that is done. Is he mowing the law? Washing the cars? Running errands? Etc...

I look at strengths, not I did the dishes yesterday you do them today. My husband helps when I ask on the weekends and I try to do things during the week. I may only do the dishes and laundry on the weekend and he may do the floors, but if you look at the whole picture, of me doing it all week and him doing it one day, with what we both did... I see it as equal. He does the floors since I have a bad back and I do the stuff that may take longer, due to waiting, but in the end it all gets done and I'm not stressed out over it. My house looks nice and I didn't have to do it all.

Answer 4

Your question is very much valid. Marriage is a relationship between equals. Irrespective of whether the wife works or not, the husband needs to participate in the process of running the household.
For performing his part he need not feel like he is doing a great favor to the wife.
In deed he is doing his part, just as the wife does her part. But, in a civil society, we use the golden rules often to ensure smooth social interactions. From that point, if both the husband and the wife use "Thank you" for a job well done, its okay.
But the wife need NOT be grateful or being obligated if the husband shares the household work. On the contrary, if he DOESN'T share the work she MUST feel aggrieved!

Answer 5

My wife is a stay-at-home-Mom. She stopped working when we had the kids.

I think taking care of home and kids is a fulltime, backbreaking work - not an ordinary man's cup-of-tea. Things get all the more worse when the lady's working as she has lesser time and all the same chores at home.

Being a man, I view this situation in 2 ways:
1) Its my duty to relieve her of few of these 'backbreaking' tasks. I can't cook good meals. But try to cover most things that I can do - laundry, house cleaning, garden, her car and my car washing, children's homework, etc. (time permitting)

2) She gets all the exercise doing these tasks....its time I get my exercise and fitness routine too. People who do household chores know what I'm talking and how tiring it is.

Answer 6

My SO does about 45% The only reason I do a little more is because he is away for work overnight regularly.
He did all when on his own for years. We feel we are in this together and we both bring home the bacon hence this is also shared.
Am I lucky with this man? Yes but for totally different reasons. That we share the housework is a given.

Answer 7

Well i somewhat agree with you. yes our girls do much more than they do, but that's 'cause we can cope with more. Jesus made Eve, 'cause He knew that without her, Adam would not have coped. guys of today are very lazy and it is very rare that you will find a guy that's not, so therefor you must be grateful if you have one of those that still helps(even if it is just a little bit).. if you show appreciation from time to time- they will start doing more, but if you take it for granted, they may start doing less.

okay so they don't do as much as we do...but at least some of them tries. Except the fact that it's life- it ain't going to change!if he only sleeps, eat, and watch TV- well that's another story- then you have reason to be ungrateful
- Think about this- at least he ain't in the bar...-coming home at 3am..-drunk.. and so forth...

Answer 8

I agree with you 100%. It is a total double standard. I am a sahm and if my hubby does something domestic he things he just parted the red sea. He had the same attitude when we both worked though ( before kids). I think he was just raised wrong. He was used to his Mom running around doing everything for everyone. Arggh. I dont think you have to feel thankful. I think some people have just been conditioned to expect NOTHING from a man, so when he does something, they are left totally amazed and appreciative. :D

Answer 9

Thats funny, I feel that same way. When I had my daughter my family kept telling how “lucky” I was that my husband changed diapers and got up at night to feed her...... I nearly choked them! Really, lucky, hmmmm, no one told him how “lucky” he was that I did anything like that. It was expected of me and he was doing me some sort of favor when he “helped out”! It nuts, I went back to work 2 weeks after delivering my daughter and so there was no reason he shouldn’t have gotten up to feed her at 2am once in awhile.
My husband knows he is expected to do things just like I am and just like the kids are. We are ALL living in the house so we are ALL to do things to make the house run smoothly. It feels nice to have someone there to lean on and help do things around the house but its part of being a member of the family.
When I start getting praise for cleaning the toilet and doing the laundry and dishes is when I will start giving praise for doing it. Works both ways.

Answer 10

I agree with you that husbands should most definately help out around the house, and we shouldnt have to be grateful, rather we should EXPECT them to do it. But it has become so common in households that men dont do much of anything around the house and so when they do then wives are grateful that they have at least done as much as they have. I, myself, would also be very grateful if my husband would sometimes help me out with the kids or other stuff around the house.

Answer 11

A lot of men are spoiled little boys in a grown-ups body. And many of them know that if they wait around enough, their wives will just end up cleaning up anyway. A lot of men could care less if a house is cleaned up or not, its us women that go nuts. I wish my husband did more also, but i'm not to the point of anger yet so i'm just letting it ride. About to begin a hectic job, I will hire a maid. Thats the solution I've come to.