Why should men pay for a child they never wanted?

Question

A man must choose to be a father in the same way that a woman chooses to be a mother. It is not fair that a woman can use a morning after pill without consent, abort without consent, and have the baby without consent, but the man has to reap all the consequences with no choice at all. He has to abide by what ever the woman decides. Both were involved with the creation of the baby so why should only one of the two have more right than the other? Some men tell the woman he doesn't want children b4 hand. Or after the matter. If she knows this and keeps the baby she should take responsibility. Before you jump to the defense of "They should have been wearing protection", think about the women who trap a man or want to get pregnant so badly that they lie about using birth control, say a doctor told them they can't get pregnant, poke holes in the condom, empty the condom inside themself after sex (yes it happens) and so on. Should he still have to pay after that?

Also given that the man is forced to pay, wouldn't it be detrimental to the child to have two conflicting parents. I know from experiance that it sucks being stuck in the middle.

Also I am looking for your opinion and possibly facts to back it up. I am debating this subject against another in my argumentation and persuasion class.

Also realize that some people just don't want children now, at this point in their life. Maybe they want children later on. So vasectomy isn't always the answer. But I do believe if you are sure you never want kids then get it taken care of before engaging in intercourse

Answer 1

I think that a man should not have to pay if he did not want a baby. As you said, women can be conniving and decieving. Men do not necessarily have that ability. And once they do the "deed" if you will, they are stuck...It does not seem fair. What I would do if I were the man in the situation is sign away all parental rights and all parental responsibility. I'm not sure of the law, but I would hope this would prevent the woman for coming after the man for child-support (which she'll spend on herself anyway). It is disgusting to me how men are treated in this debate. I'm not saying its easy or that I want to carry a child inside myself, but come on, at some point the man should have the right to decide whether he wants the child or not.

Edit: Philosophyangel, I'd love to know where you came up with this little gem "(besides the fact that an overwhelming majority of women will experienced forced intercourse or otherwise be date-raped at least once in their life)." Do they report this to you? Do they report this to the police? Do you have a source of any kind, or is this just some sort of gross exaggeration on your part?

Answer 2

Commonsense should answer your question. Child support laws say that a CHILD IS ENTITLED to be supported by both parents. Any woman is responsible for the child, if she failed to insure that she did not get pregnant. If a man participates, and does not want a pregnancy to occur, then he ALSO failed to prevent the pregnancy. I will leave out any debates about abortions, except to say that many women do believe that an abortion is morally wrong, and not something they will ever do, even if they did not intend to get pregnant. The bottom line to my thinking is that, once a child is conceived/ born.. there is no longer an issue of what either the father OR mother "want". I personally don't accept the argument that a mom "tricked" a father into a pregnancy.. in this day and age, a man who absolutely does not want a child, has the option to either use his own protection, or get a vasectomy. If he does neither one.. then he has placed himself at risk, just as much as the woman who may not have used birth control. Taking your credit card analogy.. if you are dumb enough to GIVE the card to a person, and they run it up..you still are partly responsible. If you don't want a person to run up a bill on it, keep it locked up. Not trying to be hostile to you here. If I were a judge, and hearing a man whine that he didn't want a child, thus, should not pay, I would triple his child support order.

Answer 3

Men know the facts of life as well as women. If they don't want the responsibility of fathering a child, they should take responsibility for their OWN birth control--just as women must makes choices about birth control and procreation. Most men could give a sh t--(besides the fact that an overwhelming majority of women will experienced forced intercourse or otherwise be date-raped at least once in their life) which is precisely why the morning after pill and legalized abortion are essential.

It's takes two, as they say and, gee whiz, we don't live in a perfect world where people who have sex with each other always care about the other's welfare and interests.

There's this boy scout motto, you see. It goes "Always come prepared."

Answer 4

The whole "she trapped me" thing is rubbish. A man should always have control of his fertility, whether the woman says she's on the pill or not. If he is absolutely positive that he never wants a child, then he should get a vasectomy. If he doesn't want to do that, then he should always make sure that any condom used comes from his supply and that when the act is finished, the used condom is put in a plastic bag and taken from the woman's premises. If he is lazy and inattentive enough to leave his sperm in the possession of a woman who may be tempted to use it, then he needs to face the consequences of that.

The only reason our bodies are made to have sex is for the purpose of procreation, and birth control is never 100% affective. A person who isn't willing to take the responsibility of caring for a child that may be conceived, needs to refrain from the act of mating altogether, or get themselves sterilized. It's just that simple. Anything else is just a cop out.

Answer 5

Look no matter how fair it is...the man is the father and as such should pay for kid's care because it is NOT fair that I am forced to pay thru my taxes for someone else's kid.

The laws are not fair towards men this is true...men who are NOT the father can be legally forced to pay for kids, men have no rights to any fraud or theft which results in offspring (such as a rape of an unconscious man by a woman). According to law the ONLY way for a man to be safe from any paternity is to get sterilized and a follow up doctor exam proving he cannot father children. This is not fair but best we got for now


Maybe men should get a pre-sex contract that says they are exempt from any financial,etc responsibility for any offspring that might result that a woman must sign in the presence of a witness.

Until such time...wrap it up and hope it works or don't have sex.


philosophyangel> um I agree men should get protection but I know a lot of women...out of the VAST number I have met, know, known only 3 were ever forced/raped and out of those three 1 was lying (i know for fact as guy was not in town when she claimed he raped her) and it was proved in court......so I cannot agree with your statement that the vast majority of women will be raped in their life. I do know that studies show that a extremly large number, if not a majority, of date-rape reports are false accusations

Answer 6

If the man cooperated in the 'act' it took to make that baby, he can & should be liable. If he is so set on not being responsible, he should take resonsibility for himself, & either not participate in the 'act', or jacket himself up till HE is sure no offending sperm is released. It is a shame women can be so devious, or mean spirited, that they can't follow the same rules. Keep your knees togther if you can't face having a kid, or would just abort it.
I am not one who just says abstinance is the only way, but, I do have to admit, it does work. If you are too dumb or poor or impaitent to use proper precautions, then you do have to face the consequences.

Answer 7

I agree with you. There are many women who tell a man she is on the pill or cannot have kids and flat out lie about it, then get pregnant and expect the man to "pay up". I feel both sides should have equal rights in the matter.

Answer 8

God know why. I personally think it's up to the mum, let sleeping dogs lie and all that.
if they just want a horizontal tango and nothing else, then i agree, but they shouldn't expect anything to do with the child in the future - that's just selfish

my experiences have shown the best dads are either there all the time, or not at all, not bitting and bobbing - which currently seems to be in fashion. people should stop having kids they don't want, and get married.

Answer 9

Yes, men have a choice, but until such time as we adapt ourselves to gestating children, we have to make it ahead of time.

If you are mature enough to have sex, you are responsible enough to go to the drug store ahead of time and slap on a rubber before you take the plunge.

And if you you think you might be with someone and suddenly get the urge, go to the drug store now and carry some rubbers with you.

And it you don't have a rubber, do it orally. Last I heard, no one gets pregnant from a bj.

Answer 10

It is His Child and yes he should have to pay no matter what .This Child was not ask to be born and need financial care.The Father can wave all parental rights to the Mom or the step Dad.I had My Son when I was 15 and the Father new I was Pregnant and it was his child,He chose to walk away and never return and I chose to have my Son and raise him.3 months later I started dating a young man and that is His Dad,we have been together since my son has been 3 months old.He never did pay a cent of child support and I never went after him for any.There are to may Dead beat Dad and yes Even Moms out there,I say if they do not want to be in the child's life and raise this child they should have to pay and help out.