my boyfriend and i are both 19, been to gether for 3yrs living together for 1. we are still in school, both work and can provide for ourselve with almost no help(financially) from our parents. We are very much in love, we are highschool sweethearts, but one thing is living together and another is marriage. I know i have full support from my family and $$ is not an issue for my wedding my parents have about $200,000 saved up for it. But my boyfriends family and I dont mesh to well...what should i do...I really want to get married already but dont want to live the rest of my life around people i dont like and who dont like me...HELP!!!
2007-10-24 03:53:57 · 32 answers · asked by sweetteamawmaw 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had the same problem with my husbands family... in fact some of them still don't like me...
2 things here... if your bf really loves you, he will lay the line down with his family about how you will become part of it, and they can learn to deal with it, or you guys will learn to deal with out them
and 2... eventually even if he doesn't lay the line down... they will learn to at least tolerate you, treat you half way decently when you visit... but you and your bf would be starting a life together, and in time your own family... it really doesn't matter if his family likes you or not... (and i guarantee things will change when grandchildren come along). If you love your boyfriend, he should be what your concern is... not his family...
2007-10-24 03:59:06 · answer #1 · answered by llcentlous 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have known my husbands family for 25 yrs and all but his Dad are nasty, 2 faced cruel and selfish people. I have an amazing husband and children. I wouldn't give them up for the world. I have to deal with his family on maybe 4 or 5 days a year and other than that they are not in our daily lives. You both need to live your lives for you not your extended family.
No spouse is ever good enough for some mother/father/sister/brother in laws but as long as you love each other, respect each other and put the family you create first you will be just fine.
On another note, I have known my husband since I was 12 yrs old and we didn't get together until I was 32 and I know that even though he says where were you 10 yrs ago that it wouldn't have worked if we had gotten together sooner. I was a different person at 22 than I was at 32, not a bad person or anything just different.
Good luck!
2007-10-24 04:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by New England Babe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go to any lengths for my man "salim"......I love him more than i detest anything or anyone so I would just find a way to deal with the opposition. You can kill them with kindness....Just be a good woman about the whole thing and love and stand by your man. On the other hand you are pretty young to be married...I would say give it a year or two....Im 38 and also had a high school sweetheart we have a baby but are no longer together. So just wait it out and have fun....Some girls like big parties all about them which is what a wedding kinda is....so throw a huge FORMAL christmas, thanksgiving, or new years party!! Dress yourselfs up have wonderful food and family and just have fun...please wait until at least 22...promise you forever this is the best route for you.....for your happiness in the long run....Good Luck Doll
2007-10-24 04:02:25 · answer #3 · answered by creamiehumper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you get married you'll being married to his family too. When you are with him you'll be with his family too. One thing about your boyfriends family is they will probably never change. So you have to decide if that's something you can or can't deal with. If you can't deal with it why wait and break his heart longer? Do you see what I mean? If you are so in love with him and want to marry him the act of marriage isn't going to change whether they like you. It's not going to change if you just live together either. So I don't really think that should have a bearing on whether you marry him or not. If you want to be with him be with him. You've been together 4 years if they are so bad why are you still with him? Why let other people decide for you what will make you happy? It takes a lot of hard work and maturity to be married. Are you ready for that? That should be a question you ask yourself. Can you deal with his family that you've already been dealing with for 4 years? Life is short. If you are ready and he is ready and you are mature enough don't wait. (I would finish school first. ) If you aren't then work on what you need to. If you can't handle his family move on now before you get in deeper.
2007-10-24 04:07:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my failed marriage. I hate my ex in laws they butt into everything my mother in law will not go away. Everyday up in my business. I hated the holidays they would get pissed at where we were spending time and how much with who . Also they would talk crap about my family . After so many years I got fed up with it and moved out. You may not realize it now but his family will always be his family and if he cannot stand up to them then they will run your lives. I hope your situation isn't as bad as mine was. Hey you could always move out of state..By the way I got married at 18 and I think you should wait a couple of years and see where things go. So much changes in a couple of years from being 19 you will feel like two different people. If your living togher and love each other just continue that for a few years and if your still in love and happy then go for it. Good luck........
$200,000
Take the money after you graduate college and buy a house or atleast a down payment. Then have a smaller wedding and you will have a gorgeous home to go home to and make babies in.
2007-10-24 04:02:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im in the same boat my boyfriend and i have been together almost 4 years he is 20 and im 19 he gets along with my family great but his family and i butt heads money is not an issue for us to get married and we are both more that well off but i ask myself whats the rush to get married we have been together this long we can wait even though we want it so bad whats the problem with having a long engagment and enjoying the time together as his fiance.... good luck!
2007-10-24 04:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by Lindsey Ann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember that if the two of you are meant to be married, then you'll still love each other and want to marry each other after you've graduated.
As much as it's not his family you're marrying, but him, it's always better if you can get along with them. Maybe if you wait until after you've both graduated, his family will see that you both care about your futures. Marrying him now might fuel the fires now with his family. They may think that you're trying to trap him or ruin his education.
I think that you know deep down that this isn't the time to get married, or you wouldn't have posed this question on Answers. If you're in love and already living together, there's no rush. Why not wait until you've graduated to get married, then it will be another milestone in your life and the two of you can start your lives together without the stresses of university to get in the way.
2007-10-24 04:03:27 · answer #7 · answered by Celtic-Candy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 19, you still have so much growing and living on your own to do...
You will not be the same person at 29 that you are at 19.
What you seek in a mate now will not be the same traits that are important as you get older.
The best thing to do is wait. If you love him and he loves you,
then you can wait. It wont hurt.
Going from a young lady to a full fledged woman is something that you need to experience on your own. Get in touch with yourself... get to know YOU...Travel, hang out with friends, meet/date other men just for the experience.
It's better to go into the marriage older and wiser than young and dumb.
Trust me, it will save you heartache later.
2007-10-24 04:03:46 · answer #8 · answered by Uh-May-Zing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
19 is way too young to get married. At 19 you are now away from home, meeting different people, and gaining responsibilities. During this time you are growing and developing from a character perspective into someone that may be different from who you used to be when you were living under your parents roof. Personally, I think this is the time that you need your greatest freedom to explore and a serious relationship can only hold you back.
2007-10-24 04:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by Einstein 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are still young, so, there's no need to rush into marriage right now. Wait until you finish school completely, maybe then the relationship between you and his parents might change.
It will be even worse to marry your sweetheart and end up divorcing him later because of parental tension. Take your time to think this through because it's a life changing decision.
2007-10-24 04:01:21 · answer #10 · answered by Moi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋