I have spoken to a counselor about the issue of finding a mate, and he asked about the reason I want one and what we would do. So I explained about going places together, communicating, eating together, doing things together, being good companions, if the desire comes (to make love) and just being there for each other sharing similar interests.
He said you don't need a wife, you can get all of those things from a friend. So stop looking for a mate. Do you agree with him?
2007-10-24 03:31:51 · 17 answers · asked by Housecat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO, I don't agree with him.
I have a friend I've known for twenty years and at one point we contemplated sleeping together but decided it might damage the relationship if it didn't work out so we reamined firends.
My partner and I far more intimate than my friend and I could ever be. You can not make love to your friend without some aspect of the friendship changing for better or for worse.
I think it would be different if we both went into the relationship looking for a partner as opposed to looking for a friend but we both went in looking for a friend and we found that.
I entered my relationship with my partner with both of us looking for the same - a partnership. It is a totally different mind set.
If you go looking for a friend and try to make a move on them and it doesn't turn out then your friend might get creeped out by this and not hang around you anymore.
If you go looking for a partner and try to make a move on them then you know if they will return the affection or not. If they do not you can move on to someone else to date.
What your counsellor might be saying is that it is easier to find a friend than it is to find a spouse.
If your answer was to have children, then I don't think your counsellor would be telling you to go find a friend.
Sometimes the best person for us is someone we already know right under our nose that we would never consider as a partner.
2007-10-24 03:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You have what's called a Godly desire in your heart. You have expressed wanting some benefits but also wanting to be there to meet the needs of a woman you love. Marraige is the best way to do this. The other way is called using people, which is never appropriate, even if the other person is willing to be used. It's an awful practice, and a hard habit for some to break. Go with that small voice inside you, and pray for a wife. Best wishes.
2007-10-24 03:37:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no, i don't agree with that at all. that's ridiculous. if you find the right person to be your mate, they can be all the things that you need them to be. you can do all those things together. if you did find just a friend to do all those things with, what happens when the friend finds a mate and moves on. then you are stuck in the same position that you are now. find a mate.
2007-10-24 03:50:54 · answer #3 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that when we are out looking for a mate, we normally don't find one... Usually, we meet someone out of the clear, blue sky, when we least expect it.
Maybe your therapist is trying to tell you to value your friends, do things with them, and take your time, because eventually someone will come along. It could be tomorrow!
Latching on to the first person who bats her eyelashes at you is a set-up for a big let down. If she bats her eyes, make sure there is a connection/attraction.
take care of YOU...
2007-10-24 03:39:53 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, there is no feeling like having someone there in your bed at night , not just to make love, but to feel the warmth from their body as you snuggle closer and feel a combined aura, 2 people as 1.
2007-10-24 03:39:44 · answer #5 · answered by I tell it like it is 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you consider a wife in a legal sense then your councilor is correct. You can do much if not all of those things with a friend,
From experience I can tell you that if you share those special things with someone you love and who loves you (wife)......
It is SO much sweeter.
Good luck
2007-10-24 03:38:50 · answer #6 · answered by we_are_legion99 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow... I don't know what to say, sounds like you want a connection on a deeper level and this person told you to get a friend with benefits? Something isn't right. Why not start out as friends, move up to dating and then if it feels right, get married?
2007-10-24 03:36:04 · answer #7 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When looking for a wife , look first for someone that you know well enough if not more about and care for more than anyone else . If she is right , then you will know when the " MRS . RIGHT " will come into your life . Not until she is ready .
2007-10-24 04:42:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes, he means you are looking for the wrong things. find a friend and perhaps that person will turn into your mate..
2007-10-24 03:34:55 · answer #9 · answered by howie r 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ive got both in the same man...no id think hes an immature fool who fears commitment.. Marriage is with a woman anyway...find a real woman
2007-10-24 03:35:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋