I have been married for 12 yrs w/ two beautiful girls but am now thinking of divorce am i wrong?

Question

We got married when I was nineteen shortly after i found out i was pregnant with our daughter. He never asked me to marry him it was all arranged by his sister whe thought the baby needed her father in her life. I come from a single parent so I feel it is very important for a chilod to know both parents. I was in love with him at the time but after 12 yrs i am not so sure if it was the right thing to do. I have been very unhappy and lonely and am not sure how to tell him that i think that our mariage may have been a mistake. I asked foe a divorce seven years ago but agreed to try and make thing work but I don't feel things have gotten much better. Am I wrong to feel this way? Does anyone have any advice?

For those who have asked he is not physically abusive more emtionally.He stays gone most of the time when i am off of work like he is trying to avoid me. I have talked to him about this but even when he tries to fix it he still resorts back to doing the same thing. He claims that it was the way he was raised. He is a good father but is disabled and has no income to speak of. This is NOT a factor for my feelings more of my guilt. Part of the reason i choose to stay and work on it seven years ago is our second child was on her way.

Answer 1

no, you are not wrong for your feelings. the best thing is to be open and honest with him about the way you feel.

Answer 2

Well 12 years is a long time to wait before trying to fix a mistake as you think this marriage was. Why didn't you do this before the second child? It's hard to give advice here on this because I am not fully aware of your entire situation. I can give you advice and allow you to think upon it. First I could never advocate staying in a loveless marriage. Nothing good can ever come of that situation for any of the parties involved. Also do not stay in the marriage just for the children. This would be unfair to you, and the children. I am sure after 12 years you have tried this, BUT; take some time to try and rediscover yourself. You got married at 19 and have been married 12 years so you should be around 31ish. You still are a young chick who hasn't even entered her prime. Also sit down and re-examine your spouse as he fits into your life. If the good points are more then the bad points, then re-evaluate your stance on wanting a divorce. I would rather couples who make a commitment honor them till death do they part so to speak. I also realize that is not always possible. Does he provide for you and more importantly the children, does he hit you, does he cheat on you? These are all a part of the equation which I don't know. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

So you want greener pastures, eh? By the way have you been talking to him about it, not just 7 years ago? Have you made an honest effort, has he, and both of you slipped back to the old grind?
I think in most cases, the causes of women breaking up is boredom. 50% of those women feel they aren't appreciated and don't appreciate what they have in their lives. They want or feel they should have a happy life handed to them without any real effort or work on their part. I mean.....after all....their women.....females....right? Sorry ladies. You got to work at it too
Lets say you leave . what are you going to do . You'll be alone for a while.You like yourself that much that you can really be alone and content? Hey good for you if you can take it.
And then you meet another man. Is he any better at giving you what you want? Odds are 50 / 50 at best.
Expectations are always higher when your in a nice place.and humans always want the next best. But what if you loose it all? And nothing works out right. Can you go back?
Might it not be best to lower expectations and work on what you have?

I sure hope whatever you do decide is in your best interest and not just a feeling you have. Good luck.

Answer 4

You and your husband as teenagers participated in very adult behavior and the consequences was a beautiful daughter. You had to give up your dreams. One of those dreams was a wedding.

Listen to Reba McEntire's Every Other Weekend. You now have 2 daughter under the age of 12 years old. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to raise 2 children in a single parent family? Do you know this will effect your daughters? Do you know how lonely it gets? To be a single father is the most difficult thing I ever did.

You don't say what your problems are in your marriage, but it doesn't seem you have thought of everything that is going to change for the good and bad. Seek counseling for yourself before you make any decisions. Also, if your husband is willing, seek couple counseling.

God bless

Answer 5

I don't think you're wrong for feeling this way, it's the way you feel. Maybe you shouldn't give up just yet though. Ask your husband if he is willing to try counseling. I'm actually talking about a program that the two of you can do at home. Check out a book store and see what kind of programs they have. Some of them can be a lot of fun and quite entertaining and you learn something from it. Plus it's something you are doing together. Try not to look at anything you've done in the past, as a mistake. Everything happens for a reason. Put all your effort into saving your marriage, then if you feel like you have put enough work into it and it still isn't working then consider moving on. Take care.

Answer 6

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, not what you think... FEEL. Things may have become relaxed in your home and he may need an eye opener as to how you feel. (Again, not think) Explain to him that you're unhappy, and you're not sure what to do. I wouldn't state that your marriage was a mistake, because then you would have to look at your other child and say she was a mistake. I know she wasn't, so this marriage never was a mistake. Also, are you trying to make the most of this marriage? Do you treat him the way you want to be treated? If you can truly answer "yes" (and that means day in and day out), then something needs to be done. Talk first, then go from there. Good luck to you and God bless!

Answer 7

ur just going to some life chances ur maturing,,i think if it's possible find urself while still being married,,i mean if ur husband is a good man why not hang on to him,,i mean marriage shouldn't be like getting a new car or house,,with marriage u keep evolving and going through changes,,just try and go through them with ur hubby,,?!?! maybe u should focus more on what makes u happy,,will divorce make u any happier? will finding a new man make u any happier? and if u did, if ur not happy with urself to begin with,,,wouldn't that relationship be doomed as well? i say,,, just try to figure out what u want outta life and talk to ur husband,,try to reconnect with him,,u may have gotten married for the children,,but,,u've stayed together for more reasons then just children,,,

u guys must share something special between the two of u,,try seeing the good things in ur marriage,,try getting some excitement into ur marriage,,what u give u'll receive in return,,do ur part and put lots of effort,,and im sure he'll respond,,

Answer 8

What have you guys done to try to make things work... not trying to be offensive, but have you really tried? Do you guys communicate well, when your unhappy about something, do you make compromises to both change to help make each other happy? Have you seen a counsiler? Remember in marriage, the hardest year is always the year you are in. And Marriage is not just about marrying the right partner, but also about being the right partner. It can't all be laid on your husbands shoulders to make you happy... you need to do some of that for yourself too... I suggest making a list of all the things your unhappy about, then go through it, marking everything you can change yourself to make yourself happier, and anything you can't fix yourself, bring up to your husband. If he wants to make this work, he will work with you. If you can't or won't do that, or he is unwilling to try to help make you happy, then yes.. divorce is something you should consider... though since you guys did say for better and for worse, till death do you part, I really honestly feel, you should try everything you can to make it work first, before giving up. Even if you married for the wrong reason, and didn't really want to... you stood up there and made that promise... least you can do is TRY to stick to it.

Answer 9

Well sometimes things just don't work it doesn't sound like you have a good relationship to start off with. He didn't even ask you to marry him but you did anyways becuase you felt the children needed a father. I would try to end the relationship in a manner where it does not affect the children as much. So try to end the relationship as friends and don't fight over the children, This is very difficult to do for a lot of people.

Answer 10

You need to sit down and talk with him again. You have to decide if this marriage is worth fighting for. If it is then you need to get to the root of your unhappiness. You can't have a one sided marriage. It is a partnership.

If you are sure that you need to make a break then make it. You can't spend your life unhappy. If you are unhappy then eventually your kids are going to be unhappy. Kids are smarter than people give them credit for. You unhappiness will eventually spill over to them. You will start to feel resentment for the situation you are in.

You either need to fix it or move on with your life. If you decide to end it you need to end it together and amicably. Your child needs to know that she is the single most important person in your life.

Maybe you should try some counseling before you ask for another divorce.

Answer 11

After twelve years, you deserve to give it twelve months of complete effort. If you are lonely and unhappy, then that is your fault. Do things to be happy and go find girlfriends to hang out with, it shouldn't be all on your husband to do that for you. Also, tell him you need more romance. Remember that you loved him and start romancing him as well, take good care of yourself, look attractive - for YOU - get some books about keeping love/sex alive in your marriage and go for it no-holds-barred for this next year. If at the end of the year you still feel unhappy and want to move on, then do it. You will know you tried everything possible and it just wasn't working. You'll also have found some ways to be happy by yourself and maybe made some new friends to help you either way you decide to go.