My friend wants to HARM her husband. WHAT SHOULD I TELL HER?

Question

He has political clout and took her 5 and 8 year old to live with his married girlfriend. She hired a lawyer and filed in court but the judge will do nothing. She is a professor and economist. She is an upstanding person. No, there is no hidden secret. He is also trying to get her fired from her job by having asomeone follow her and question her students. Again, there is no hidden problem with her.

She has said that the system has failed her and she will just kill him and go to jail. What should I tell her? I already told her that she will probably fail and then he will laugh that she is insane as she sits in jail, still minus her children.

People who say that the courts must always give the kids

Answer 1

Why mess up her life by killing him? She ends up behind bars and then her kids totally lose their mother.

This is a horrible situation, but she cannot give him what he wants - which is for her to break and do something rash. That's the game he is playing here, and her attempting to harm him just falls right in line with what he wants.

Tell her to be strong. Where there is a will there is a way. Go back to court and keep doing that until someone actually listens. If necessary, use the press. Reporters love stories involving those with "political clout".

Answer 2

If she really meant that, she is a loony toon. Maybe the kids are better off where they are . Friends don't necessarily help the situation because they validate the ravings just be being an easy listener. If she is that smart a woman as you've projected here, then she would know that if she kills her ex and his gf, she would be spending her life in prison . Away from the kids. And depriving the kids of their father isn't going to enhance the love of the kids for their mother either. She should just grow up and be adult enough to accept the courts decision and wait until the kids are of age. No matter what she dose now, anything she dose will be seen as done by a vindictive, repulsed, rejected, crazed old lady.
Anytime a court decision goes against you , you feel the system let you down. Grow up, Lady. Females have fought for equal rights under the law. Someone had to loose.
Tell your friend that I hope the kids don't loose in the long run.

Answer 3

That's a tough one and I feel for her. I have seen this before, where the husband has clout and get the kids even though the wife is a good loving Mother. It is heart wrenching and it can drive a normal sane women to do things she would not normally even think about doing. She needs to stay strong and think smart and not give up the fight until she has covered all the bases. Does she have visitation rights?
What if she uses reverse psychology on him, pretends it's OK and let him have all the problems of raising the kids while she has the joy of weekend visitation that are quality time and the kids as they grow older will want to come and live with Mom and he will not be able to do anything about it then.

Answer 4

Well, it may be that the father is the better choice according to the courts. They don't just take away kids for no reason. Now that being said, if it were me... I would hire the best lawyer I could find, and find some way to get them to be with me. I don't think it is right to live in an environment where the GF is married. What does that say to the kids and how they will be raised in this world. ALSO, if she ends up going to jail for even hurting him, how does that help her kids? You may want to point out that while she is trying, she can't spend her life in jail because that is worse than what is going on now. At least now she can see her kids. Where as in jail, I doubt he would bring them to visit her.

Answer 5

Do you think she is really serious? People say things they don't mean and it could be her way of venting. If she really is serious and you think she really might do this, you have to do something. A man's life is at stake here. I see that the system has failed her, can she try again? Find a different lawyer, something. She should also write down everything that goes on that he does, keep a journal of it. She has witnesses, her students being asked questions. She should also seek counseling, she is hurting and he is obviously making life miserable for her. I really don't know how to word this, but if she does kill him and you knew about her threat without telling the police, you could get into trouble.

Answer 6

I'm sure your friend is distressed, particularly because her children are not with her right now.

You could tell your friend that focusing on her husband and his married girlfriend is unhealthy, and if she changes the focus from him to HERSELF, she will be better off.

Your friend is obviously a highly intelligent and successful person. When a married couple go through terrible problems such as this, they only intensify by scheming to get revenge and obsessing.

I went through a period of 9 months when my ex husband took our child and would not allow me any contact. After the first couple of weeks, i settled down and looked at reality... he wasn't mistreating the child, and i needed to CALM DOWN... so i went forward with my life... and remembered that the messy situation would pass. And it did.

Perhaps your friend would do well with some counseling? Maybe having someone to talk with, who would help her to put things into some sort of perspective, would be the best thing she could do for herself.

She really needs to take care of herself right now, and realize that this bad situation will be overwith eventually. I know it's difficult, but neglecting herself emotionally is going to make things worse.

Answer 7

Tell her she must think of her children above all else. With all they are going through, what would happen to them psychologically if they lost both their parents now. She must get a good lawyer, maybe hire a private detective and hope the truth will win out.

Answer 8

Continue to talk sense into her and suggest that she stay with someone close that can keep help her think logcially. She does not need to be alone. She sounds very emotional right now. Try to provide some resources and encourage her that things will work out no matter what. If she continues to talk about this, you need to let her know that you will consult the authorities.

Answer 9

tell her to go on amazon and read that book about the broderick woman who killed her husband and his new pretty wife in san diego, and how it destroyed her children. betty broderick is still in prison and her children are grown up now, without either parent, and any money the family had is long gone.

while many women at the time said they could appreciate that betty broderick had indeed been driven crazy by her lawyer husband tricking her at every turn and publically humiliating her, the real problem that poor betty had is that her entire family lived across the country from her back east, far away from her ex and kids in san diego. in her own town back east, no one would have messed with her, now alone in san diego, she was truly victimized and powerless. and, her own mother did absolutely nothing to help her.

at her trial very dear and faithful friends of betty stood up for her at her murder trial and related how he had indeed driven her crazy, but, when it was revealed how her children had suffered because of her acts, even these women were appalled.

in hindsight, betty snapped because she felt she had nothing more to lose. she struck out literaly out of wounded pride, if she had been thinking straight, she would have bided her time. she had plenty more to lose. your friend is blinded by this humiliation and i am sure searing pain of losing her children to another woman, to the powerlessness of itall. things change, and they can and will in all likelihood change for your friend. she should document everything, this would be an excellent time to keep a detailed journal, and to conduct herself in a manner that is absolutely beyond reproach. remember, conditions change. children grow up. it would be nice if they had a free, intact alive mother to see when they do.

Answer 10

What's the point in killing her husband? That's gonna put her a$s in prison and cause emotional scarring to her children, for life.

If she's as smart as you claim, she'll stick to the legal side of fighting for her children.

It's not easy to take kids' away from their mothers' and therefore; there must be some hidden agenda there somewhere.