My boyfriend of 3 years and I just got back together after a 3-month breakup. At the beginning of the three months things were kind of crazy. I started seeing someone else and my boyfriend started calling and emailing both me and the new guy. He was never threatening or anything like that - he just couldn't let go. Over time he calmed down and stopped that and I came to realize that I did still care about him. So I've agreed to try to work things out again. However, I feel like we should take it slow. I'm a little hesitant to tell people (family, coworkers) that I'm back with him. I guess mostly out of embarrasment over the past 3 months and how dramatic things had gotten for a while. We both have myspace pages and while he has posted many pictures of us on his and has announced how happy he is that we're back together, I am not ready to do the same. I don't know if it is fear or what, but I really want to take things slow this time. He is very hurt by my actions.
2007-10-24 03:08:25 · 12 answers · asked by Mel 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Should I take the drastic steps he is requesting (telling everyone, changing my myspace, etc.) or am I right to want to take things slow?
2007-10-24 03:09:32 · update #1
Follow your feelings and tell him to quit being so self-centred.
If you rush back into things, you might wind up resenting him.
Good luck!
2007-10-24 03:29:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You could take things slow but it shouldn't be because of embarrasment. Your trying to make a relationship work and being on my space isn't the way to do it. Who , besides you two dose this involve anyway? Personally I detest my space because it projects me out into the public which doesn't give a rats bum about my happiness. Also you put up the best side of you to see , (bragging), and not usually the truth. Tell him to take you off and you do the same. Work with each other, not the whole world. Good Luck.
2007-10-24 13:59:59 · answer #2 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe taking things slow might be a good idea... you two obviously had problems, or would not have broken up in the first place.
Perhaps take the time to take a good, hard look at this guy, to see if he is the person you really want. Can you put up with his bad habits? Do you have similar goals and at least a few things in common?
Hon, dating after a break up is fine -- but getting involved with someone after a break up is a set up for disaster. When we go from one relationship to the next, we are trying to prove we are loveable again -- after we figure out we are, the relationship usually sours. It's healthier to grieve our losses and readjust before diving back in with some other guy. believe me, i know.
I'm sure your boyfriend is hurt, but what about YOUR feelings? They count for something too. You are both having a rough time. See if you can work it out together.
and take care.
2007-10-24 10:36:53 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Whats so drastic about telling people that you are back with someone you love and care about. If you are trying to work things out with him and he is with you, then you should be proud of the fact that the two of you are resolving past problems and you should move past the problems of embarassment and do everything you can to make it work. It sounds like he is proud to be back with you and has let go of any of his issues but is unsure how you feel about him because you are to scared to show it. If you really want to make it work then let go of the past, the embarrassment and anything else that might hinder or interfere and enjoy life and the fact you are with someone who loves you very much and isn't afraid to show it.
2007-10-24 21:22:33 · answer #4 · answered by The Wižard 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For 1 u need to be sure this is what u actually want cuz just when he was over u, u deciede that u wanted him back, ya kinda not fair to him if thats not really what u want. U've had 3 months to decide if u want him or not so for u to take things slow hmmmmmm well I don't really think thats exceptible cuz u obviously wanna be w/ him so its time to committ and be serious w/ 1 another and no more games. After 3 months and u realize he is what u want this is the time things are suppose to progress cuz u've had time to think about it!!!
2007-10-24 10:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by NONAME 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are right on taking things slow, but I feel he is misunderstanding your reasons for this. You need to explain to him that you both need to take this time to work on the issues and reasons that had caused the break up. If you both jump into the relationship as if nothing had happened, then nothing will be worked on. Tell him how hurt you were for whatever it was that caused the break up and you need to work with him to get to a more loving and trusting state of mind. You might even suggest couples counselling. As far as you being embarrassed to let family and friends know you both are back together, all you need to do is tell them that you both decided to work at making the relationship improve. It is always a good idea not to be so quickly at bashing your relationship when you are angry because when you and your guy make up, people will still remember all the things you have said about him. Unless it is for your own safety, be more private about your relationship. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-24 10:20:55 · answer #6 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You are right in wanting to take things slowly.
You were wrong in getting back together with your boyfriend.
My guess is that his feelings are always going to be hurt. He clearly wants this relationship way more than you do, and he's going to feel the reality of that every time you don't match his efforts, or display the same level of intensity that he has.
You'll be happier with someone who is more secure, and who doesn't need you so much.
2007-10-24 10:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by mt75689 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are entitled to have a "wait and see" attitude. It kinda sounds like you are a trophy he just won. Its a little lame that a guy gets hurt over a MySpace page. No offense intended. But he should have been more worked up over the other guy.
2007-10-24 10:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So tell me...did he start to have his eye on some1 else and thats why u now decided u wanted to be w/ him? I think in some way ur embarressed of him and thats why u don't want people knowing and in my opinion that is so wrong...If u love some1 or even like some1 alot then u should be telling the world about that person...to me u seem ashamed!!
Men have feelings to so don't go playing w/ his!!
2007-10-24 10:22:33 · answer #9 · answered by uloseallurmarbles 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are right in wanting to take things slow. Tell him how you feel, his reaction might give you the answers you are looking for. Good luck.
2007-10-24 10:16:10 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋