I live with my boyfriend. We have been together almost two years now. Together we have four kids. It has been an ongoing issue that he doesnt help hardly at all with house work or the kids. He will do whatever housework I tell him to, but he is not a child, and I shouldnt have to tell him to do anything. What should I do?
2007-10-24 02:53:25 · 13 answers · asked by Sweet_Bama 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I work full time
2007-10-24 03:18:48 · update #1
I understand. I’ve been married 18 years and my husband rarely does housework without me specifically asking him to. But if I ask, he’ll do it without complaining. However, for many years, I didn’t ask, because, like you, I felt I shouldn’t have to (he should see it needs to be done, and do it!) and I didn’t want to feel like I was nagging him. But I got eventually got over those feelings, and you should too. Ask for his help--as often as needed. If you don’t, here’s what will happen--resentment will build up in you, and when it blows up, he will be shocked, because…you didn’t say anything.
The people who have said, he doesn’t ‘see’ it are right on target. I look at the carpet and think, “It needs to be vacuumed”. My husband looks at the carpet and thinks, “It looks fine”. It’s not because he’s lazy (he isn’t), he just doesn’t see it. And most men are that way when it comes to housework.
2007-10-24 04:04:26 · answer #1 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW. I dealt with the same thing. But i was only with my husband six months and couldn't take it. he didn't work. I worked full time and was going to start school parttime at night. We didn't have any kids. I used to have to right it on a board every day and even then he would "forget". You have to sit him down and explain the situation. Tell him you need help. If after a couple talks he doens't change you may have to do something drastic as tell him to get out. That hopefully will be a wakeup call and make him step up to the plate. Good luck.
2007-10-24 03:30:58 · answer #2 · answered by catdogpenny 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
are you a full time mom? or working too?
are you happy in the relationship if you overlook this lazy behavior? or he had been lazy in other aspects of the relationship, and as a person?
sometimes guys just wana be pampered. or he maybe a spoiled, mama's boy in his home. they said the bf's and hubby's are actually the first borns. LOL. they will always be little boys at heart.
you shud learn to make him listen. and only you can decide for urself on what measures you gotta do to make him listen or else.
its just unfair to hold all these responsibilities alone.
2007-10-24 03:01:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um, yeah you do pretty much have to tell him what to do. You are lucky that he actually does it. All men are like this. They don't see the house as "dirty" unless you can't walk in it. They just don't get it. And now a days, most families have both parents working, and the men don't seem to understand that women go to work all day and then have to come home and work all evening. It sucks, but you aren't the only one!
2007-10-24 02:58:30 · answer #4 · answered by Ray Ray 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL - trust me......tell him what to do. It's easier on you and him. Men are rather "out in left field" when it comes to the house! I could stand there and say the house is a wreck and my husband would never see it.
Save your sanity - just ask him to do a few things and let him go.
2007-10-24 03:02:39 · answer #5 · answered by Susie D 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make a itemizing of the chores you do around the residing house and the approximate volume of time it takes. Then record his (be beneficiant). tutor the lists to him. Invite him to characteristic something to his record it somewhat is lifelike. I assure that, once you evaluate the lists, you will certainly have the furry end of the lollipop. Then, ask him nicely to comply with address some known chores. comply with what they are going to be, and while he will do them. One caveat: if you are going to tutor chores over to him, you would be unable to nitpick. So choose for issues which you would be delicate not having executed "your way." Then settle for that it is not suited, yet it somewhat is the cost you pay for not having to do it your self.
2016-10-07 12:36:14 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This argument has been going on since women's lib! We aren't very smart about housework.Make him a list of things to do and let him check each one off but you will need a list for everyday.Good luck!
2007-10-24 03:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by notagain49 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Choose better next time! Since you two aren't married, just shacking up, he's single and enjoying all the benefits!
Keep on working really hard and being a great mom!
2007-10-24 03:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How about you both agreeing that certain jobs, and make a list, are his for a week and then list other jobs for the following week. Then just alternate the job lists.?
2007-10-24 07:06:21 · answer #9 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid you signed up for this babe, start with telling him to pickup after himself, taking out the garbage and doing dishes after you cook. this guy sounds spoiled rotten.
2007-10-24 03:51:42 · answer #10 · answered by slickric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋