Is your marriage/relationship as good as you THINK it is?

Question

I for one have a pretty good marriage. By this I mean I don't have to pick up his socks, or put down the toilet seat. I don't have to tell him to give the kids a bath, or fix things around the house. We both make pretty decent money, so we don't have the "money" argument many couples have.

But then I realized that we get along so well because we purposely avoid confrontation. So when something comes up that needs addressing, we skate around it until it is too late. There is nothing worse than hearing from your partner that they are upset with you when you had no idea. And as a result you become defensive to the other persons onslaught.

So tell me. If you do indeed have a good marriage/relationship, what ABOUT it, makes it good?

Serious answers, please.

Answer 1

Congratulations -- you possess an excellent capacity for introspection. Hold onto that, because you can use it as a tool. See, the first step in making something better is to recognize where the problems that are preventing excellence lie. You found the root of a thorny issue: avoidance of confrontation. I believe that you are correct that this can lead to blowups, which result in defensiveness, which results in big, loud, long arguments.

So the key is to figure out how to stop avoiding confrontation. I'm not saying that's easy! Clearly, though, you recognize that if you could only ease into a confrontation, it could go much more smoothly than if resentment builds. Figure out with your husband how each of you can bring problems to the other while still feeling safe. Fear of rejection by your partner is what's holding each of you back right now, so discuss specifically what you could do to make your husband feel safe bringing to you a problem or complaint, and vice versa.

If you work out this very common communication issue, you really can get to a point where your marriage is indeed as good as you think it is.

Answer 2

Yes, because we're both quite emotionally expressive, but not so much that it's irrational or at least not usually. Communication isn't our problem even if one of us is upset, it usually shows and we'll confront the other. We're both confrontational by nature as well.

Money? Maybe, but I don't worry about money very much nor does he. I'm happy just getting by if that's all we have right now (and it is for various reasons). No arguments because we make a budget together. It's not much of a worry.

Hahaha! I do pick up his socks, sometimes when I bother. I do think he can pick up his own socks, so often I just leave 'em on the floor. What do I care really? And the toilet seat? If I need it down and he wants it up, why should my needs trump his? He's a feminist, so certainly not chivalrous! Who ever used it last leaves it as it was.

We fend for ourselves around the home with housework and such, but we're good friends and lovers and neither of us makes issues out of small things like dirty socks! We don't always agree, but respect each other's opinion and know when to just drop a subject. I think things are still good after living with the guy for a few years now.

Answer 3

Wow great question first of all. A lot of couples do that, try to avoid confrontation. And ur right it boils over sooner or later. as far as ur question, I don't have a good marriage...for so many complicated reasons.

But from what u asked...it seems like that is ur only problem....and so can be easily dealt with. U two have to make it an issue to talk about stuff...u have to realize that men aren't the best at that too. Or when something bothers u...write it down. make a note of it right away, so u make sure to bring it up as soon as u can, and don't attack him with it discuss it together. I hope that ur marriage keeps working.

Answer 4

Sometimes life isn't perfect - and most things in life sort themselves out in the end so confrontation isn't always the best thing. When it does arise it will always be difficult and challenging - you have invested your lives into each other and to be defensive is natural - you are only trying to preotect the relationship - because you love each other! WHen one partner stops stiocking up for themselves is the time to worry - either the democracy of marriage has failed or there are "other interests" that on the whole scale of things make your marriage seem less important.

Answer 5

Yep, it's usually as good as you think it is.
So, if you have a "pretty good marriage" then why do you add the "but then" paragraph? Obviously you know it isn't perfect, or maybe it's not all that good.
What makes a good marriage. A LOT of work. which means a lot of honesty. If you're honest with your spouse then you are willing to confront them as well. When you can confront them and work things out, then, you will have a pretty good marriage relationship.
There is a book I heard about its called "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, Maybe this will help.

Answer 6

Yes, it truly is. We don't hide things, or let them fester, or wait and seethe with resentment. Those are simply stupid things to do.
Arguments are seldom about the topic being yelled about - there are often underlying issues. So a disagreement about money is never about money, it may be about lack of attention or something.
We have been married, happily, for 18 years, and learned early on what NOT to do. Thus, our relationship has grown and our love has deepened through the years... and it makes our marriage, our family, each day - totally wonderful!

Answer 7

My marriage is fabulous. We have good communication, the same long term goals, the same parenting style etc. We both make good money, so there has never been any arguments about that either. He helps me out with the kids, the pets, house, cars, cooking etc. He is by no means perfect, nor am I, however, we accept each other's faults and love each other deeply despite them.

Answer 8

Yes we do have a good relationship we communicate very well and enjoy each other company.

No because we both have short tempers.

Yes we know how to apoligize and admit when we wrong.

Answer 9

I thought mine was normal for years... thought he loved me ... When I started cutting out my money found out he was haveing an affair for years ....several woman.... right under my eyes.. Hes a snake now we are in a divorce situation.... My new beginning with glasses on!!!!

Answer 10

if you aren't properly communicating with your spouse, it's really not as good as you think. if you always are avoiding, you have no way of knowing how to evolve as a unit together
blessings and luck to you