How do you deal with a truly mean spirited person?

Question

when simply walking away isn't an option.

This question is not about me, rather a good friend who was assulted by his brother ( both adults) breaking his hip in several places. Friend is a tenant on brother's farm. Friend's girlfriend recently had a mild stroke ( stress related) and has received vicious comments from assulting brother. It's going to court, it's not as simple as picking up and moving, they have horses. The man assulted is my blacksmith, assult prevented him from earning his living, and me from riding my horses. I'm trying to help his girlfriend cope.

Thank you to all who responded. I'm not involving myself in this situation, I won't step foot on the property. I will go to court as a witness to incidences in this case. My only concern this whole time is how to help friends cope while a resolution/ court action is being pursued. All the answers were very good. I hate having to choose one over another in this instance.
Blessings to all

Answer 1

You are talking about assault and criminal activity -- such are preferably best left to the police when proof is available.

You say that he cannot move -- I say he cannot stay. Anything else has potential for the destruction of all involved.

There are times when you have to cut your losses and think about what you have. Also, if the property is the blacksmith's, get a court order to get rid of the trouble maker. If it belongs to the trouble maker -- the two cannot remain together, one needs to get out of there.

Once murder has been committed by any of the parties -- the potential for it being the wrong person that dies is high. Also, no matter who dies, lives are ruined forever.

Answer 2

Avoid them. Walking away is always an option. Unless you've made some very bad decisions to get yourself in this situation. Care to elaborate?

Added: Taken to an extreme, a mean spirited person could be psychotic, a sociopath, or just downright evil. I assume this is what you mean and that this person is just not annoying. People like this can be dangerous. To think you can change people like this with love and kindness is naive. A trait which may be charming when found in children or saints, but rather silly and self-destructing when found in an adult.

Added after viewing additional details: Try not to take this the wrong way, but the newspapers are filled with accounts of "innocent" bystanders like yourself being injured or killed by involving themselves in the orbits of the violent.

Answer 3

with out knowing details of the situation,its hard to give advice .I cant think of a situation where one can not walk away from an abusive situation.unless you are incarcerated and the abuser is your captor.
perhaps if the abuser is a teacher ,a parent or your boss you may feel you cant avoid them or or walk away from them, but it is a matter of choice on your side. My experience with these people is they are damaged goods and are spewing acid to deal with internal pain .but at the same time they must be held accountable for their actions or it will never change.If they think you will take it without standing up for yourself they continue to dish it out.
I had a boss one time that would scream and curse at the nearest person whenever things got tense or weren't going her way.
one day I was that person standing next to her.when she was done cursing me,I went real close to her and said very loudly "You may not talk to me that way! I treat you with respect even when you don't deserve it.I don't need this job so bad that Ill put up with your inability to control your self ! If you disrespect me again ,I will walk and take you with me!"
she ran from me as though id hit her. and from then on she avoided me and she never did that again to anyone else in my presence.
like I said I dont know what your situation is, but somthing I do know is that everyone has a superior. if dealing one on one isnt possible, then go over their heads ,file a complaint, seek a mediator,if its a family matter seek counseling for yourself.
be true to yourself ,dont let people walk on you.no one has that right.
peace ><>

Answer 4

Address the real issue, which is that they are mean spirited.

If its a boss, you have to be a bit subtile. If its not, attack them full force. You could say something like, "I dont know why you have to be so mean-spirited all the time. If its because of a bad childhood or something, maybe you could get some therapy. It might make you a happier person. And people would be able to stand you a lot better".

Answer 5

Walking away IS an option...and that's exactly what I do!! I have walked away from my family due to this very thing! My life is much better off without the backstabbing and negativity. My mother was like this as well and I had very little contact with her for the last few years of her life due to her meanness.

Answer 6

A truly mean spirited person is basically sick who has no clue about the sickness which is invariably the result of some deep hurt. We need to doctor him by getting close to him and finding out the real source of the deep hurt that is causing such an attitude.

Answer 7

I have this same problem at work with a co-worker, and this is Very Hard ! So I kill her with Kindness, it sure catches her off guard.
Plus as a Christian, I'm doing as the Bible says... in my words ( with out taking the time to look it up). Doing good to your enemies is like leaping hot coals on their heads. OUCH !
She tries her Best to get to me, but she isn't going to WIN..
Good Luck to you, and Hang in there.

Answer 8

Make walking away an option.

Answer 9

Simply smile and remain quiet.
Be polite and then kick 'em in the groin.

Answer 10

Ignore 'em.Or if you have to deal with them,do so coldly and without emotion.