and they are festering with disease and vermin. I don't know how to tell him that we don't want him to come over but we're really scared. Not for him, for ourselves because they barely fit through the door and he always wants us to prepare a delicious meal for him but we can't even enjoy it because his feet make us nauseous. Then he likes to put his feet up on the table after dinner and they eat all the leftovers. So my question is should we have a threesome with him? is it wrong because he's my uncle and all? ...oh no wait, the feet! Uh never mind. Other people have problems with their relatives feet but I really think they are trivial compared to ours. Only serious answers please.
2007-10-24 00:16:15 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Not sure why the suggested catagory was "Pets & Dogs" I thought it should have gone in "Relationships" but my uncle walked by me and bumped my mouse hand.
2007-10-24 00:19:52 · update #1
Dr. Dumbthinking: Thank you but obviously I tried that first.
2007-10-24 00:22:54 · update #2
Hey Goldymind, I was wondering do you think your niece might be interested in dating him? Other than having feet the size of school busses that are teaming with tarantulas, coyotes and I think I saw a small mountain lion in one of them (it's advanced somewhat) He's really not a bad guy and quite attractive in an avuncular sort of way. I think thats why we were so tolerant of the podiatric problem at first, not any more of course, we've gotten a restraining order on him. Let me know!
You've all given me such wonderful advice and heartfelt answers, There's a standing invitation to come over to our home and enjoy a sumptuous buffet anytime. Really I love you all like you were my own... cousins.
2007-10-24 04:57:10 · update #3
KYDave: Um... well... okay so the guys got more money than God and we all stand to inherit a tidy chunk of change when the bastard finally succumbs to the foot disease he accidentally contracted one evening while staying at our house. But that's not the only reason we haven't just offed him by now.
2007-10-24 15:57:57 · update #4
This is a problem we all must face sooner or later Numbsain - particularly around the holidays. Here’s a tactful way we handled it in my house.
Next time Uncle drops in for a nice, warm meal, tactfully suggest he has hoof and mouth disease. Purportedly identify key symptoms, like profuse salivation, lip smacking, or hoof swelling. Appear concerned, and tell him it is your responsibility to take strict precautions to prevent contamination of your herd. If you have cattle, a goat or pig herd, or flock of sheep, adopt preventative measures for them as well. Tell Unc you can only allow essential visitors into your dining room and kitchen, then provide anti-contamination suits at each entrance.
This gobblygook with lend your accusation credibility and, hopefully, restore peace and order to your bucolic home.
2007-10-24 02:41:39 · answer #1 · answered by Goldmind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being the vengeful sort, my suggestion would be to generate an even more disgusting anatomical part of your own and proudly display it for your uncle. If he has any self awareness whatsoever, he will realize that you are sending him a message and address his feet.
For instance:
I've heard it's easy, so you can try cultivating an extra large hemorrhoid. The next time your uncle appears, proudly show off the new bulge that now resides in the wrong part of your sweat pants. Be sure to make several mentions of your anomaly all during his "delicious meal". Sit sideways and groan frequently. All these "subtle hints" should clue your uncle in on what's really going through your mind.
If that sounds too tedious to you, you could put your hand in the garbage disposal and seriously mangle it. Let the scar tissue develop then invite your uncle over for dinner. Be sure to shake his hand with your new one. To touch his leg frequently and lovingly. Perhaps caress his neck, all while blissfully unaware of the repulsive looks that keep crossing his face.
Of course, you could just do what our family did and make him eat in the basement. Alone. With no heat. And only a cockroach for companionship....
Why did you do that to me mom?!! WHY?!! OOHhhhhh GOODDddddd.....
2007-10-24 03:52:32 · answer #2 · answered by Cheese 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think we're related, Numbsain, that Uncle spends some of the holidays with us, too. We DO NOT EVER allow him to take his shoes off!!! NO FEET ON THE TABLE!!! Even if he needs a nap after eating, it must be with SHOES ON!!!!
What we do is tell him that rodents live with us, and that if his shoes come off those dogs of his are bound to be bitten off by same rodents.
Another suggestion might be not to make his next meal at your house so delicious---no, wait--that might make him come speeding over to our house--forget that--we get him enough holidays.
I have tripped over his feet and hit my head---had to go to the ER a few times. That's a bad thing, because while I'm gone--you guessed it, he takes his shoes off in the house--and they go up on the table.
We live in the desert, though, so often eat outdoors. There he can take his shoes off--it keeps the pesky bugs away. That's it, just use his feet as bug repellent--outdoors. If it's too cold where you live to eat outdoors, it's still not too cold for HIM to eat outdoors. He can take the cold, and the scorching summer sun, as well. He's quite used to being outdoors in both---some of our other relatives never let him in the house AT ALL.
See ya Thanksgiving, Cuz :)
2007-10-24 07:47:35 · answer #3 · answered by Holiday Magic 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only if he poisoned them or if the box was the size of a toy mini cooper!
2016-04-10 02:02:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm
you know, mini coopers arent all THAT big
and what is a bit of vermin among family
you could do a lot worse, if you want to get rid of him in a gentle "Miss manners" style, prepare food tht he wont be able to eat, he will get disgusted and go bother some ofher family memeber.
Of course then you will have ot face the wrath of them now.
2007-10-24 00:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You indeed,have a serious health hazard in the shape of your uncle.If he is unable to understand his disease himself, you are left with no choice but to apprise him.I shudder to imagine vermin covered legs on dining table, which should be the cleanest furniture in the kitchen. To safeguard the health of your family, one of you must tell uncle about your fears clearly and firmly.
2007-10-24 00:54:33 · answer #6 · answered by yogeshwargarg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ditch the uncle and go with the vermin and a cardboard tube. Get ready to shout 'Armageddon'.
2007-10-24 00:19:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
tell him you love him, but not his feet and not on the table. and if his feet are really festering with disease and vermin, you SHOULD be scared.
BTW, your question is now in words and wordplay.
2007-10-24 00:27:45 · answer #8 · answered by glendiva1968 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Without a doubt, he's the "Rich Uncle." Otherwise, there would be no dilemma, am I right?
2007-10-24 14:16:22 · answer #9 · answered by Kentucky Dave 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he could get rolls royces for shoes
I dont think you should have sex with your uncle
thats illegal in some countries
2007-10-24 00:49:37 · answer #10 · answered by virgil 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋