If you knew your dad was cheating on your mum would you tell her?? (Married 20 years)?

Question

Also highly likely he has kids by the other woman

Answer 1

Yes, she needs to know. It's better coming from you than someone from outside of the family.

Answer 2

I feel for you being in this awful position. It is a case of not wanting to break up your family but also, considering your mothers feelings. Depending on how old you are, you may be able to sit with your father and tell him you know everything and give him the chance to come clean. If you tell your mum then you are the bad one here, the messenger always gets shot and you will possibly carry the burden of knowing your family has split and it was you that opened the can of worms, although this would not be your fault. Your father is the bad one here and I cannot believe he has managed to keep this secret for so long. Maybe your mother knows deep down but is quite happy to live in ignorant bliss? You have to consider all angles here, because once those words come out of your mouth, there is no turning back. What you do have to remember though is that this is not your problem, you are simply someone who will get caught in the middle. This is a tough decision and maybe you should give your dad an ultimatum, either tell her or you will make sure she finds out.

Answer 3

I was in the same situation a few years ago although kids weren't involved. They were also married for 20 years.

I didn't and would never tell my Mum, as I know it would have completely destroyed her. My dad was everything to her, its all she knew.

So what did I do? Didn't tell anyone for 6 months and cried myself to sleep a few times, then broke down on holiday with my friends and confided in them.

Then when I got home I told my older sister who i'm very close to. She also decided that Mum could never find out. About a year later she decided that she would ask Dad if it was true, and he admitted it but said it was over now and was just a fling.

Now I couldn't confront my Dad myself, even though I considered it many times. He was my hero and I always looked up to him. And even though I knew it was wrong I felt that I didn't want to be the one to rock the boat and turn everyone's world upside down. So I kept quiet.

They are getting divorced now, for unrelated reasons so I guess they just weren't meant to be.

However if their are kids involved, that would be a whole different thing all together, and i'd confront your Dad and see what he has to say for himself first.

Answer 4

Absoultely, I would tell my Mother. It would be the hardest thing I believe I could ever do, but she deserves to know. I am so sick of these long term marriages falling apart and everyone knowing it and not telling the person that it is happening to. I have been in your Mothers shoes and all of my family and friends knew, but no one bothered to tell me...And I guarentee you, if it was happening to all of those that didn't tell, they would want to know.. . . .No one ever knows how that feels unless they go thru it. Please tell your Mother, but make sure you are sure of your facts. In the beginning she will be hurt but I assure you, she will love you all the more for it. As far as he having children by the other woman. Highly possible! But...let yor Mom deal with that, just be there when she stumbles and falls, she will need you...

Answer 5

I would have a word with him instead. Don't accuse him just let him talk, tell him you know, find the best solution so as not to hurt your mum. She may even know already but prefer to stay in the relationship. Let HIM sort it out. Also be prepared to support your mum whatever the outcome. Let her know you are there for her.

Don't be quick to judge your father. It's a hard situation for you to be in, but now that you know, bring it into the open with your dad.

Answer 6

It is likely your Mum knows about it. Some women chose not to take action, but if you told her and she was unaware think about the consequences. Perhaps you should have a word with your Dad and tell him how unhappy you are to be in this position.

Answer 7

I would first approach Dad. I would tell him that I know, and tell him that if he doesn't come clean, in say a week, that I will tell Mum.
That gives him the option of coming clean first, but if he didn't, then I would tell Mum. Yes, she does deserve to know.

Answer 8

Yes, Surely I'd tell my mom. There is no other way, I believe there is nothing that is secret that will not be revealed sooner or later. I know it will be painful, but that is the truth! He is cheating. And things can't be corrected if wrong things done in secret are not revealed. As for me I can forgive him, people are not perfect, though it is not a reason to commit sin. Still no reason can be perfect as to not to forgive anyone. If GOD can forgive, who are we? Of course I'll pray first to GOD for guidance as to how I can tell this to my mom.

Answer 9

Yes!

If you know of this, you need to tell her. If it were you, don't you think that you would want someone to care about you enough to be honest with you; to tell you something so inportant- that is life altering?

I would.

Don't you think that she deserves the truth?

And no, waiting for him to tell her- because he should, is not the right thing. He will more than likely, never do so. People don't come clean unless they HAVE to, and even then; it is more than rare. People will push and push this level of denial so that they won't even have to face their own sins to a loved one.

Answer 10

Defo. could you not prefer to income! I propose you dont could desire to be blunt and fling it in her face yet my wager is she has some clue already and whether she doesnt be attentive to now and famous out later which you knew all alongside she will experience permit down by utilising you too. you're permitting your dad to proceed his deceit. in case you're one hundred% beneficial of the data then i could take a seat your mum down and tell her you're suspicious and say why. tell her you are going to be able to nicely be all incorrect yet you wanted her to be attentive to the form you felt. The dball is then in her courtroom and as I say she in all probability has her own suspicions and could push the issue with him if she needs to. She is additionally happy to bury her head and faux its all ok after which you may desire to settle for her needs too! stable success

Answer 11

thats a good question ! probably not because even though it hurts you to know that is going on your mom have to find out herself and trust me she will all the signs will be there but nobody wants to see there parents split but thats a good question my parents been married for 28 yrs and never no sign of cheating i really hope your dad get ti together. do what you feel is best.