I met this guy on the internet and he is 22 and I am 34. I'm also married(divorcing), with 2 young children. He knows all of this. We met on the internet and connected right away. Texting, talking, web cam, all on an almost daily basis. He's in his senior year of college and an athlete. He's really busy and i kinda screwed things up becoming too attached. he was ignoring me for a few weeks, then he called me Sat. to let me know that all of this was too much for him cause we don't even know eachother yet. He says he likes me but feels uncomfortable cuz of my marriage(until i'm divorced). We had sex once a month ago and we both agree it was amazing!!! But he says he wants to get to know me as friends first; as a person before we become intimate again. What would you think of this? I can understand but we really have fun together and i enjoyed him sexually and as a person, but i admit i don't actually know him yet......What to do????
2007-10-23 17:57:02 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Way too fast for a kid in college. Just think where you are at this point in life. And just think where he is.
You are a package coming at him, not just a girl he has met.
He is telling you it's moved too fast. He wants to back up and slow it down and go back to being friends. He has not shut you out completely, but if you rush him you will lose him.
You are really at two different places in life.
Sometimes timing is everything and this is a case where it is so.
You didn't screw things up. You are just more mature and need more from him than he is able to give.
You know if you force him, he may live to really regret what you have thrust upon him.
You on the other hand are divorcing and are very needy and not really in the state of mind to be jumping into another relationship, although I perfectly understand this must be a terrifying time for you and you want someone there to cling to and get you through this.
I think you might get doubly hurt. Back off. Let him be. I wouldn't go investing your heart so deeply into this guy. Much depends on what he wants from life and honestly can you really wait for him?
Just be strong and take care of you and your kids. Put your focus there. If this is meant to be it will but from experience I doubt it. I just think you are in over your head already.
Let him be a friend to you as you go through this. If he is willing to do that, then accept that support if you can live with that. Sometimes that is even better than a relationship that is just about sex you know? He might be able to just help you get your head on straight (or just keep you sane) as you go through this divorce.
Cyber relationships....they are just that. Fantasy and wishful thinking and rarely are people willing to make those huge leaps of faith.
2007-10-23 18:06:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Quit concentrating on the toy boy off the internet and start concentrating on what this divorce is doing to your kids emotionally , or dont they count in all this?
Your their mother , they are scared , upset , confused and possibly becoming angry and dont give me that I am giving them everything they need emotionally garbage either , because if your on line picking up little boys your not giving them the emotional support they need.
get your divorce finalised , sort through the financial's , where you'll be living so on and so forth then worry about the user from the internet chat rooms. Sex should be the last thing on your mind.
2007-10-24 01:54:02 · answer #2 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you can't run after him or he'll keep running away and you can't force him. He's still quite young and might not be ready to settle down, so get to know him but don't put all your eggs in that basket! If he's sincere, he will start coming around and getting to know you! A woman still married with kids is a lot to take in especially for someone still in college who was probably looking for a good time. He;s not telling you to get lost, so obviously he values you to some degree. Get your life together, through your divorce and not being too dependent on this college guy and it might blossom. If not, you gained some good experience and fun and have the chance to meet a man who is ready and pleasing to you! Good luck!
2007-10-24 01:07:10 · answer #3 · answered by Lil Blousou 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have to say you need to give the guy some credit for manning up and being honest with you!! most guys in that situation wouldn't come clean (especially since he was having sex with you).
if you like him enough to want to be in a relationship with him then listen and be patient. two kids is alot for any man to take on, let alone one that is in college and has a life of his own to deal with.
tell him that you agree that you don't really know each other that well and are ok with being friends first and taking it slow. but also lay down some ground rules. like for example-friends= NO SEX period. if he wants that to happen-you need to be in a commited relationship. it's important to not confuse your children or hurt one another emotionally.
i hope this helps. i'm a divorced mother of 3 and relationships are hard when you have kids. i've been with my bf for almost 3 years and we're not even living together (he's not quite ready but getting there).
2007-10-24 01:05:49 · answer #4 · answered by prncessang228 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
With him being soo young what else could you expect. Maybe he was hoping you wouldnt become attached because of your situation. I would just count it as a lesson learned and move on from here. Never let your guard down so soon. Agree with him and let things be and find somebody else closer to your age that really wants the same as you.
2007-10-24 01:11:17 · answer #5 · answered by Shandlan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm, you are married and what? You have 2 little ones and what? I can hear it now, gee mom, you did what?
I'm very sorry, you are asking this so you must welcome the "nays" as much as you want to hear that you are doing something right. What are you thinking? You put your husband in this situation and then you ask yourself what YOU would think. Most of what you are stating is stuff you already know the answer to. Those are my thoughts whether you like them or not. You did ask. Sex first and then friends later?
Best wishes anyway.
2007-10-24 01:08:20 · answer #6 · answered by caves51 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In this case you really don't know if he used you or if he really wants to get to know you.. Try getting to know him. But in future reference I usually wait until I know the man so well.. But even then Its hard..Next time I would wait until you get a divorce.. But if he had known all of this.. And still decided to go through with it then yes Hun he used you.. Because why didn't he want to get to know you before he did it.. Doesn't sound like a man.. Try to wait next time until everything is settle in your life and you truly know the man your about to see. I wouldn't want to hear that you've been used again..
2007-10-24 01:17:35 · answer #7 · answered by Jalena 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would do just that.. get to know him better before giving yourself to him anymore.. also it might be his way of saying hey slow down lady i am about to graduate from college and i will have to work toward finding a job in what i studied all these years and it might not even be in the same state.. but anyway you need to slow this down.. hes young and not done partying with his own friends yet also.. good luck
2007-10-24 01:04:54 · answer #8 · answered by Kat 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell me what man would knock back sex when it's offered on a sliver platter? Youve been used but thats what you get for using sex to get a man. You could get thousands of men using sex.... but when you are looking for someone to love YOU more than the sex then it doesnt really make sense to be so easy. Live and learn!
2007-10-24 01:06:40 · answer #9 · answered by Shazela 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
the reason why he only wants to be friends with you is simple hon. he.s a player and got what he wanted as for getting into a serious relanship with you dont count on it he wants a girl his age he used you and knew exactley to do it sorry fact is fact you wont be the firts who fell for it wont be the last find a man near your age and dont make that mistake again you are only herting your self as well your 2. children as well . my honest opion?
2007-10-24 01:06:41 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋