Pregnant, I want it...He doesn't.?

Question

I'm five weeks pregnant and so excited.
He isn't excited. At all.
He also has a habit of, or maybe a fetish for... Ejaculating inside of me. I explained to him a long time ago that although I am not against abortion, I couldn't do it.
I asked him if he was trying to get me pregnant, and he would joke around about it.

Now that I'm pregnant he says he's not ready. I cry my eyes out every time I think of having an abortion, but at the same time I grew up a single child and the last thing I want is to raise this child on my own dealing with a father who begrudgingly takes part in his child's life.

I understand the obvious answers, I.E. you should have used a condom (duh) and abortion is murder.

I would truly appreciate it if anyone out there has a little kind advice or maybe some ideas about benefits for single mothers in California.
I really don't want to give the baby up but its so daunting thinking about doing this on my own.
How can I be fair to him and to the baby?

Although he can be a dunce, he's also a great guy and would never leave me stranded (or the babe)
He makes good money and he's older and well established.

I feel like a fool for assuming that his actions were a result of his understanding what the possible consequences were. I feel frustrated with him for allowing this to happen if he really wasn't ready, and frustrated with myself for not FORCING him to wrap it up.

I can't use birth control, but there are so many other options out there... but that doesn't matter now... Only in the future..
What matters now is that I make the right decision for the rest of my life.

We are both in our thirties.

Answer 1

I'm glad you are thinking of being fair to the baby. I think it is obvious that abortion isn't fair. Also thinking of it from that point of view, it isn't fair for someone to have to die just because your boyfriend "isn't ready" for something he was darn well smart enough to know could and probably would happen.

Now, on to being fair to him. You can't force the guy to be involved. That's not fair. It's not fair to ANYONE for him to take part only begrudgingly. It's not fair to YOU to give away or kill the baby just for his convience when you know you want it.

That only leaves you two options that are realistic right now. Either you keep the baby, and count on raising him or her yourself...it will be very hard, but it can be done, or you find a family to adopt him or her. Before you throw that option out the window, you should investicate what it's all about. It isn't like in the old days when they callously took your baby away and you never saw them again. You can arrange an open adoption where you have as much or as little access to the child as you choose. Some families have visitation with the biological mother, some just send photos and update letters. It's an arrangement that YOU have all the control in...you don't have to give someone your baby if they aren't willing to work with you.

I'm not pushing you to adoption, I just want you to realize that there are options that aren't terrible. In the end do what your heart tells you is the right thing for the baby and for you...now that you are having a baby, the boyfriend's feelings have to take a backseat....He could have thought about that huh?

Answer 2

Well it seems that you have already made up your mind that you want the baby or you would not be excited. Really I think an abortion is out of the options for you because once you know the child is growing inside you and you get excited it is all over with. As for the single mom problem I was raised by my mom without a dad and I can say that yes, it was hard on both of us but I think God each day that my mom did keep me and I have had a great life up to this point and I have a wonderful son that I would be glad to lay my life down for. He is the sparkle in my eye each day. I am lucky enough to have a husband and great dad to my son. It sounds like this guy is just scared as most all males are once they find out they are going to be a dad. Just give him time to come around and if he does not then it is his loss. There are several government funded programs to help single moms so you will have the ability to support yourself and your child even if he does not want to help. Good luck.

Answer 3

I am a bit confused first you say you are worried about raising the baby alone then you say he would never stranded you guys. I would definatley hope he sticks around and helps but thats not always the case regardless of how much money he makes. My SIL got pregnant by a guy that made close to 100,000 a year and he flat left cause he did not want the kid. Sad but it happens. If you do not want an abortion then do not have one and you guys should discuss your future together and what you plan to do about this baby.

Answer 4

Yes hun, I think you have already answered your question...abortion is not the option, no matter how he feels now...he would feel awful about doing that later in life and he will have to live with it everyday for the rest of his life. With my first pregnancy I was told by my babies daddy to have an abortion too and I didnt, I kept it and it turned out to be twins...the daddy is still here and loves his boys to death and I can tell you he would have regreted it as well as I would have if I would have went out and had that abortion. So all I can tell you is dont lose hope he will eventually come around, take him to the appointments, let him hear the heartbeat and see the baby on the sonogram, it will change his life....congrats to you and good luck with the pregnancy!

Answer 5

I think that the better question to ask is "how can he be fair to you and to the baby?" You are obviously taking his opinion into consideration, it doesn't seem that he is doing this with you. Honestly, does he know nothing about pregnancy? When you ejaculate inside of a girl, there is a very high possibility of pregnancy. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to get you worked up or mad at him, but I would want to chop his balls off.
You do what you think is best. Until he recognizes and respects you enough to listen to your opinion, it is really up to you. He sounds like a child.
Good luck in your decision, whatever it may be!

Answer 6

I wouldn't worry about being "fair" to him. He doesn't sound mature enough to even take advice from.
I think you are wise to consider adoption because in your situation I truly think that is what would be best for your baby. You see, it isn't about you or your boyfriend anymore. It is about this little life you have created, and giving him or her the best chance at a happy life. If you can't give that to them then the most mature thing you could do (and it would be a hard thing) would be to give this child to a loving couple to raise.
It really would be daunting to raise a baby on your own. I don't know how young you are but it sounds like you are still developing yourself, probably still in high school?
You sound like a good person who wants to do the right thing, so I really think you will end up doing what is right for your baby.
congratulations by the way :)

Answer 7

I think that he pretty much should know by in his 30s that what he was doing could eventually end up in a pregancy. So with that said, I would say he will probably adjust and once he sees the baby on the ultrasound and is with you through the pregnancy, he will probably come to his senses. Don't do something you will regret later. Don't think about him, focus on the baby. Alot of men freak out when they first find out.

Answer 8

I had the same problem with my man, I included him in everything he was there to hear the heart beat for the first time he was there to see th US for the first time, slowly he began to except the responsibility that we had a child on the way. Whatever you do, do what is right for you. There is alot of support out there for single mums, there is alot of hard work involved with raising a child but it is so worth it in the end. Time is on your side. Just know that you are not alone. Good Luck i hope everthing works out for you :)

Answer 9

you both knew the risks when you had unprotected sex, given you are both in your thirtees. he needs to act his age and take responsibility for his actions. having a baby, especially a surprise, is daunting but at your age i'm sure you can handle it. as much as you would love this man to be part of your child's life, you may have to accept the fact that he just isn't mature enough.

thank you for not considering abortion.

best of luck with the baby.

Answer 10

being a single mom is not horrible. i loved that it was just me and my bro and sis. to tell you the truth. he may say that now, that he's not ready. but once the baby is here i believe that he will come around. don't let his unexcitement bring you down and make you do something you regret. your not having the baby for him. i personally would just go ahead and be excited. get everything ready for the baby and try to involve him. if it's not interested don't force it but just let him know that he can help out. oh and why don't you see if you can get an ultrasound at about 13 weeks. the baby is still really small but you can see it's arms and legs and head and ours was sucking it's thumb. my fiance was excited to begin with but it really melted his heart to see that.