My husband and I don't agree (what's knew). Is there a difference between the level of commitment that husbands and wives share vs the commitment that they had as boyfriend/girlfriend?
2007-10-23 16:38:05 · 30 answers · asked by quita 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
of course! when you are husband and wife, your married which is supposed to mean you want to spend the rest of your life together. You are supposed to share everything, money a house etc. When your boyfriend and girlfriend, your just dating and it could mean nothing to you
2007-10-23 16:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by rinarox613 1 · 4⤊ 2⤋
It depends on the individuals involved. Some boyfriends and girlfriends are more committed than some husbands and wives. In a sense, there's a higher level of "accountability" when you're married - but I think it has more to do with the social and legal implications of marriage rather than the personal commitment. I don't believe that you can make judgements on the level of commitment of an individual couple based solely on the fact of whether they're married or not.
P.S. By "boyfriend and girlfriend" in this question I assume you mean the two people who HAVE made a commitment to be in a relationship, but are not legally married - not people who are "just dating". Obviously there is a difference in a level of commitment between the "just dating" stage, and "I want to build a life with you" stage of a relationship, regardless of being legally married.
2007-10-23 16:47:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the overall picture there is a real difference.Marriage is the highest on the commitment level. But.....even when the level of the commitment lowers during the marriage, they both may stay in it for varrious reasons. The level of commitment between the bf and gf must stay high to have a relationship because either party could leave it without a backward glance.
Both have high commitment levels. The females generally put a lot of voice into it whereas men generally don't.
2007-10-23 17:06:56 · answer #3 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends.
A boyfriend who sticks around and stays by your side and is faithful and a great all-around guy is probably more committed than a husband who has emotionally and physically checked out of the relationship but stays married just out of convenience.
There's really no right answer to your question. But the best and deepest commitment (married or not!) is a commitment that is honored with an open heart and where both people respect and love each other.
2007-10-23 16:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a very interesting question because alot of married people seem to think they have cornered the market on committment and that if you are not married that somehow means that you are not truly committed to each other.
I dont agree with this at all; first of all marriage is not for everyone and just because you are not married does not mean that you do not completely and totally commit to your significant other. I know quite a few married people who you would never were married but for the ring on their fingers or you were at their wedding! I know one who has been married for about 16 yrs, has been miserable for years, never does anything with his family (just the kids), cheated on his wife, and finally moved out, but is staying in the marriage for his kids; is that the level of committment we are talking about here? Who would want something like that? I also know quite a few married women who have cheated on their husbands, or couples who are still married, live in the same house, but live completely separate lives; I would never want that! To me, marriage is just a piece of paper, it doesn't make you any more or less committed to your partner; like others have said either you are committed or not, whether there is a ring involved or not. My boyfriend and I have been together for many years, have a daughter together, live together, and love each other very much and are totally committed to each other, but we do not want or feel the need to get married. People who know us say we are 'married' and people who dont know us, assume that we are; it's actually kind of funny. We plan on being together for the rest of our lives, and do not need a piece of paper to make that so; if we were to break up tomorrow it would not be any less devastating because we are not 'married'. As you can see I am pretty passionate about this, and I hate when married people like to think their relationship is better than mine just because they have a piece of paper. I will end with this: if the level of committment among married people is so so much better or higher, why is the divorce rate so high?!
2007-10-24 03:46:13 · answer #5 · answered by Onebyd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great question however I think that is an individual answer. I mean I can make any excuse in the book about not being committed, such as this is the level of commitment or something like that however if I am not committed on some level I do not really want to be, commitment is commitment on any level and I have had talks with friends on this but we always agree on what makes us feel good about where we are in our own lives so it is what ever individual lie or truth that we tell ourselves is the answer.
2007-10-23 16:40:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes, there is difference between ..at both level and also it depends of the kind of bond both share.I think the relationship which start at the level of as a bf/gf gets mature at the level of being as husband/wife. Just as some fruits are not as sweet in its early stage but later its very sweet n vice- versa.
2007-10-23 16:47:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think so. My husband still treats me like his girlfriend that he can cast aside - and we have a daughter. Just this past week he was supposed to be in Iraq, but came home for some reason. Wouldn't tell me and didn't even bother to call to let me know he was safe. When I asked him about it he said 'it was nobody's business'.
I'm still not sure what to do about it, but thank you for posting. It sucks to be going through this, and I feel bad for you. Stay strong, don't submit - compromise. If he's not willing to do that, then it's clear that he has underlying issues that will most likely create even greater tensions later on. Discuss it now before it gets to be a problem. Figure out what views you differ on and come to a mutual agreement that will make you both happy. I just hope he's willing to listen and try. Mine hubby's not. Good luck!
2007-10-23 16:47:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe so. My husband and I dated forever before we got married, mostly because of his inability to commit. If I would be the person I am now, older and wiser, I would have told him to hit the road! But anyway, we have been married for over 3 years and it is definitely different. We feel like we have to be nicer, work things out and commit to longterm goals together. Getting married changed our relationship alot, but having a baby really changed it the most. We feel like we are working toward a common goal, to raise our son in a good way.
2007-10-23 16:44:12 · answer #9 · answered by andmic510 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, because it's easier for a boyfriend/girlfriend to walk away and not have any strings attached. For a husband and wife, by law, you have become one person. You can't just walk away, take what you want and go on about your business. There is a responsibility to each other and that relationship, not just in the eyes of God, but in the eyes of the law as well. There may need to be spousal support, separation of finances and other things that make breaking up a marriage harder than just a relationship. There is a greater sense of responsibility and entitlement in the marriage, as the law addresses how thing should be split up should it not work out.
2007-10-23 16:42:36 · answer #10 · answered by Cocoa D 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Yes, there is a difference. When you are husband and wife there are greater expectations than you would have if you were just dating. Ex: the vows that are said at the wedding may not be suitable for a couple that is just dating because the commitment is different.
2007-10-23 16:42:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋