I am about 15 years younger than the other woman that work in my department. When we are all together, they huddle up and basically exclude me from the conversation. One on one, we are fine, but when it's the three of us together, they huddle up and basically ignore me. Should I confront the situation or just let it be? They are older than me and we are in different pages in our lives!!! I would like for all of us to get along really well all together, but feel like retreating. What should I do?
2007-10-23 15:46:27 · 13 answers · asked by Cocoa D 1 in Business & Finance ➔ Careers & Employment ➔ Law & Legal
Just to clarify, this is far from my first job. I have about 10 years of professional experience , I am very independent, educated, have my own place and have paid off my car. My attire and grooming for work is very professional (lots of suits) and in very good taste.
2007-10-23 16:09:19 · update #1
This is a very, very small department which makes clique behavior very uncomfortable....
2007-10-23 16:14:26 · update #2
You are very different from them, just let them be. It's kind of like.. hanging out with friends, you love your mom but you don't always want her there.
2007-10-23 15:49:20 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There are always cliques wherever you are! At school, at work, even stay at home moms have their own cliques.
I think much of it just has to do with who they know the best - who they hang out with outside of work. I'll bet these ladies are probably friends after work as well. If they are in the similar age range and have similar beliefs and life experiences - and a similar age - that draws them together. You could imagine that if there were someone who was in your age range in the same stage of life as you in your department you would probably be drawn to them as well. Sometimes people just get along with certain types of people!
I have a similar situation in my department. I am fairly young and so is everyone else in our department. However, I am one of the only married ones with a child - so that puts me in a totally different mindset than the other girls who some are a few years older, some a few years younger - but they are single and have no kids. They hang out together on the weekends, go out to bars together etc. I have no interest in that type of lifestyle anymore - and personality wise I have no interest in them. I admit it does make me feel kind of left out when they all go out to lunch together - because we are all in the same age range and it seems like I should be able to be friends with them - but I am just different than them - and not in that mindset anymore. So, I don't get the lunch invitations or invitations to ladies night out. It makes me feel kind of bad - but not really because I want to be going out with *them* - just that I wish there were someone else there who was more on my level. So I understand what you're feeling.
I wouldn't draw attention to it. I'm sure it's nothing personal so try not to let it bother you. Remember that you don't have to be friends with the people you work with - and from what I've learned - it's probably better if you aren't! Be friendly, but being friends is really not necessary. If you want to be strategic about it - be friends with your boss - hah - then the old ladies will really hate you!
2007-10-24 00:39:18 · answer #2 · answered by Soramdara 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i experienced a similar situation at my last job. i was young and inexperienced, it was my first "real" job in a professional environment. i was still putting together a wardrobe of professional attire, as well as exploring my professional attitude.
remember these ladies have 15 years of "life" experience on you. they look at you and reminisce about where they used to be, and remember where they still are.
when they get together for a mid-day huddle... pull up a chair, don't say too much, just listen. and when you do decide the time is right to speak, dont start your sentence with"I".
leave out the "I think" , "I like", "I do", "I did", all they hear is , "I, I, I, me, me, me".
be as helpful and respectful as possible, remember they are the elders. you most likely have double their energy, offer to do small errands, dont wait to be asked, take the initiative and just get it done.
it will take a little time, but, you will prove your worth. just dont back down or exclude yourself voluntarily.
good luck!
2007-10-23 23:03:54 · answer #3 · answered by mighty_mom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IMO, if you really want to be included, I would sit with them and just listen. Learn what some common interests you might have with them...perhaps a love of reading or a certain craft. This will give you an area you can converse with them in that is pleasurable to you all.
Also, Respect them for their age and knowledge. Be a tad bit humble and ask for their advice, though not on what you are working on, but perhaps on things that occured in the past. That is very flattering to be asked for an opinion or advice and perhaps will make them open up a little to you.
2007-10-23 23:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by ladygodiva1953 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kind of had this situation when I first started work, everyone in my office is at least ten years older then me. I still don't participate in conversations about childbirth or stuff like that, but after a while we did start bonding and we all get along, so I would just give it time. Just stay friendly with everyone, don't resent them or give them a reason to dislike you, you'll be fine after a while.
2007-10-23 23:02:17 · answer #5 · answered by dramaticanny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do your job and be as professional and nice as possible to these ladies. It's hard to break into an established clique, but given time you may make it. At least you have good relationships with each of them. Work on that and you work experience should continue to be a good one.
2007-10-23 22:50:01 · answer #6 · answered by Dan H 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you seriously concerned about what a bunch of old ladies are doing? You should probably get a life. Work isn't supposed to be fun anyways. Out of all of the people that I know (which is a lot of people) I am the only one who enjoys my job as a massage therapist. Everyone else i know is miserable and doesn't get along with people at work. They probably aren't even trying to be rude but maybe you are taking it too personal. Let it go and don't sweat it.
2007-10-23 22:51:10 · answer #7 · answered by Juniata P 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
as in any group, they have shared experiences simply because of their ages. It would seem that they have nothing personal against you except, you are far out of their age group, don't let it bother you in 15 or 20 years there will be a young person asking the same questions about you and your "aged" friends. Good luck
2007-10-23 22:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by Jan Luv 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grrrr... this is a tough situation. Either you ignore it and remain frustrated, or you confront it and end up looking ridiculous. I know this doesn't answer your question...it's a problem I often have as well. So I guess I'm seconding the question. Hopefully someone knows how to deal with this hurtful situation.
2007-10-23 22:50:31 · answer #9 · answered by Sapphrodite® 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We spend so much time at our jobs that we tend to think of our co-workers as friends. Sometimes they are. In reality, they are simply co-workers and so don't owe each other friendship. Courtesy would be nice, and professional, but it's not always guaranteed.
It's best to remain professional, kind and courteous to them, and stop worrying about their treatment of you. They aren't your friends, after all.
2007-10-24 08:39:52 · answer #10 · answered by leysarob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd just read a book or something, but then I'm not a big people person. Be polite, and friendly, but do your own thing too. Then if they want to include you they can, but if they don't you've got something to keep you occupied anyway.
2007-10-23 22:50:12 · answer #11 · answered by Rebeckah 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋