A voice message was waiting for my husband to recieve. I usually dont snoop around his stuff, however it was 3 o'clock in the morning. At first I thought it was from his mom since she has been very ill lately, but when I looked to see who it was I found out it was some woman. Looking a little suspicious I decided to check it out. When I got to his voice mail the woman exactly said, " Hey babe I miss you. I cant wait to see you tomorrow. I love you!" my heart was broken. I confronted my husband about it and he said that nothing was going, that she likes him, and they just talk and blah blah blah. I told him not to talk to her anymore and I caught him three times. I even called the lady up very nicely and she said nothing was going on either but my husband told her that him and i were seperated. But my husband denies everything! I dont know what to believe him or her?
2007-10-23 15:39:23 · 41 answers · asked by Mikki 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that's the oldest trick in the book, "we're seperated". yeah, what you should believe is that he's cheating.
2007-10-23 15:45:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 1⤋
Honey, believe what you already know to be true...he's lying and cheating. Been there, done that. Had all the excuses in the world and turned my head. When you are confronted with the cold hard facts, don't make excuses for him and don't accept his lies. Talk to a lawyer and make some decisions. He has already proven to be a liar to you and to her, saying you were separated. Ask yourself some questions...how did she get his cell phone #? Why did she feel comfortable enough to say she loved him? How come he told you he wouldn't talk to her anymore but you caught him three more times. That's only the three you caught him. Don't believe his lies...he WILL NOT CHANGE....get out now and don't believe you can change him. You deserve better.
2007-10-23 16:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by swtserenity43 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is having an affair. He prepped this lady regarding what to say. She added herself that he told her he was seperated because she didn't want to look like a buffoon for bothering a married man and to insight a fight between you and your husband. She left the message because she's tired of playing second fiddle and at 3 am she knew you'd probably find it before he did. She wants you to leave him. He is a confirmed liar. You've caught him 3 times, subsequently. He is having an affair and you're showing little self respect by believing him. Men cheat out of immaturity. He doesn't respect you. He isn't going to until you show self respect, yourself. You must make it clear that if he in fact cheats, you will leave him. He made a conscious choice to hurt you. I would not personally stay. However, if you stand your ground, give him a reason to respect you and make it clear that you will leave if he doesn't end this relationship you can save your marriage...if you so choose. I wish you the very best.
2007-10-23 15:50:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him..when is he going to stop lieing and finally tell you the complete and honest truth? How many more times does he expect you to forgive him? What does she do or have that you dont? Why is he doing this to you? Maybe marriage counceling would be best but if hes not willing to make a change then.. I just think divorce should always be the last option but you deserve so much more. He made a commitment to you when you got married and all he has done is lie and keep secrets.
Good luck and Im soo sorry for what has happened.
2007-10-23 15:53:58 · answer #4 · answered by That Special Someone 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure this must be very hard for you to hear. Especially from total strangers but you are so enveloped in your situation that you can't see the obvious truth! Your husband IS cheating...AND he's lying to you about it!
He's out late, he is getting messages from a woman referring to him as "Babe" and says she loves him, the woman admits that your husband lead her to believe that you two are separated. This stinks of an affair and there is no denying it.
I'm so sorry!
I'm sure your husband is going through a lot, what with his mother ailing. Maybe this is the underlying cause for this newfound affair?
Either way, your husband should be honest with you about the whole ordeal. Especially if he has been having sex with this other woman. The whole thing is damaging to your physical, emotional and mental health. If you refuses to come clean, wipe your hands clean and move on.
You should schedule a consultation with a family court lawyer immediately to talk about divorce...especially if there are children involved.
I wish you strength and joy for the rough road you have ahead of you.
Good Luck!
2007-10-23 15:51:38 · answer #5 · answered by MelT 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are so lucky you heard that message. If you hadn't you
might have turned around one day and found his clothes
missing and your joint account cleaned out. Forewarned is
forearmed,now you can protect yourself.
Your husband is a liar and a cheat. There's no question of that. The only question is if you want to dedicate yourself to
a marriage with such a person. You may want to find a good
lawyer,check your finances and such.
2007-10-24 07:38:08 · answer #6 · answered by Alion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first, I am sorry to hear that.......It should not have happened to you. Well when you asked your husband about the other woman, did he get really angry? shurg it off? said you were overracting? well if he did then is is lying to you. if he was telling you the truth he would be calm and look right into your eyes and say no. Now when you called the other woman and she said that he said that you were seperated......think about it, why would she just tell you that? I am really sorry to say but your husband, is cheating. i know because I have delt with it myslef....but what you feel in your heart is always the right answer.
2007-10-23 15:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by Wonder Bear 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really hate this because yes he is cheating on you. I went through this a year ago. The one thing that really stands out to me about what you said is his mother is very ill. Please read this........
ROMANTIC INFIDELITY
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continuing living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet. An affair with someone grossly inappropriate--someone decades younger or older, someone dependent or dominating, someone with problems even bigger than your own--is so crazily stimulating that it's like a drug that can lift you out of your depression and enable you to feel things again. Of course, between moments of ecstasy, you are more depressed, increasingly alone and alienated in your fife, and increasingly hooked on the affair partner. Ideal romance partners are damsels or "dumsels" in distress, people without a life but with a lot of problems, people with bad reality testing and little concern with understanding reality better.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
People are most likely to get into these romantic affairs at the turning points of life: when their parents die or their children grow up; when they suffer health crises or are under pressure to give up an addiction; when they achieve an unexpected level of job success or job failure; or when their first child is born--any situation in which they must face a lot of reality and grow up. The better the marriage, the saner and more sensible the spouse, the more alienated the romantic is likely to feel. Romantic affairs happen in good marriages even more often than in bad ones.
Both genders seem equally capable of falling into the temporary insanity of romantic affairs, though women are more likely to reframe anything they do as having been done for love. Women in love are far more aware of what they are doing and what the dangers might be. Men in love can be extraordinarily incautious and wining to give up everything. Men in love lose their heads--at least for a while.
When I was in your situation I read this and saw my situation in this. I decided that my husband and relationship was worth fighting for. I was right. 1 year later my marriage is better than ever. BTW my husband told the other woman that his marriage was over and he was getting a divorce.......during the year he was going through this I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he said NO.
In the end the choice is yours to make. You need to decide if he is worth the pain and suffering that you will go through. Good luck. My thoughts and prayers will be with you.
2007-10-23 18:14:08 · answer #8 · answered by raidergirl1965 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is definitely lying & cheating on you. You have 2 choices, if you really love him and want to keep the family (do you have children?), then give him 1 more chance. If you can't take the insult, give him an ultimatum, and start looking for a good lawyer.
2007-10-23 16:19:37 · answer #9 · answered by Tina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry this is happening to you. Been there done that. You feel like your world is falling from under you. Look back at the past couple of months and see if you remember any flags going up in your mind. Things like him trying to look better at work, exercising more, spending money that you don't know where it is going. Flags normally are right when they start to go up in your mind, we just try to ignore them until something concrete like this happens. You don't need proof, you don't need to meet with them(not that they would, he would never let that happen, most likely). Just trust what you know in you gut is going on.
2007-10-23 16:05:57 · answer #10 · answered by sxyrdkitn69 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Believe this honey. There IS something going on. Ask yourself a few simple questions. How did she get his cell #...why on earth would she call him at 3 in the morning, call him babe and tell him she can't wait to see him....and did you really think the lady you called was going to tell you that YES there is something going on with your husband and I? Come on wake up....tell your husband you know he is lying and you want the truth from him NOW!
2007-10-23 15:47:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋