Im looking at going back to work in January next year - bub will be 6 months by then. Im absolutley devistated at the thought of leaving him, but im going back so my partner and i can apply to get a home loan so we will have some financial security and something to leave our kids when we're not here. Ive already been in tears a couple times about it - i just want to know how others cope? I originally was going to have a full year off, but with house prices increasing all the time, if we dont go for a home loan soon, we will never be able to afford one. i feel so guilty about having to leave him - hes going to be looked after by family, so that makes me feel a little better, but im still so upset about it. Any tips?
2007-10-23 13:20:07 · 8 answers · asked by kjay 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Dumping your child into the care of others should be the very last option. Very last!
Why should your child suffer because you and your "partner" made the choice to have a child before marriage and a home?
Find a way to make things work without giving up on your child. Doesn't he deserve you full time?
2007-10-23 13:46:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Congratulations! Sounds like your maternal instincts are already going strong.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was arrange your life so that you can live on one income. That doesn't mean that you have to have only one income, just make sure that you can pay all your bills (including your mortgage) with one and then save the second. Especially in this age of lay offs and so much emergency illness (you never know when one of you might lose your income), this is what will allow you to create a legacy for your child - to establish financial security. Getting into more home that you can afford will not.
Can you simply purchase a less expensive home? Perhaps a condo? If you simplify your life and downsize you might surprise yourself. Don't worry if you buy a more economically priced home. As long as you buy into the market now - at whatever level - you are locking yourself in. You can always upgrade to another home a few years from now. However, even if you own a small home, your equity will still grown proportionately.
Keep in mind that the stress will only increase - tremendously - when the baby comes. You are in a great position now to plan ahead to decrease your stress, which will make you a much better Mom. Children don't need wealth to become healthy and well adjusted people, they need love and attentive care that comes from care givers that are focused on not overwhelmed with stress.
Is what you are feeling really "guilt" or is it sadness that you aren't creating the kind of lifestyle you want with your child? It sounds as though you already know what the right thing is to do for yourself. That's the hardest part. Now, just follow what you know is right. Believe me, living frugally but within your means is the much less difficult and stressful option in the long run.
2007-10-23 13:36:57 · answer #2 · answered by Midwest Mom 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you got the option of working from home or doing a more flexible job if you can't bear the though of leaving your bubby? Can you timeshare at your work?
At least your bubby will be looked after by family and will develop some great bonds with his family.
I went back to work very briefly after I had my first baby but found it too hard (Sorry that's probably not what you wanted to hear). I did Tupperware after I quit my old job and really enjoyed that as I could still be at home during the day.
I had a friend who went back to work, applied for a home loan, once they got it she quit and stayed at home just doing odd jobs if they needed money. Is that an option for you?
Good Luck.
2007-10-25 03:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by Teetlebug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is something I will have to do when I have a child/ We can not afford this house on one salary. A LOT of women at my job come back after 8, 6, even 3 months! They are very upset about it too. After 2 weeks or so, they adjust and may peace with their decision. They rush right out at the end of the day, pick up their babies from sitters/day care. In the end, you want to put a roof over your child's head...you and your partner want the best for you and your child's life. The fact he is being watched by family is even better! You will adjust. Don't feel guilty.
2007-10-23 13:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by H 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When I returned to work after my son was born, I cried at work in the bathroom. My son is a grown man now. He also has a little sister. If I could turn back time, I would change a lot of things, but I cant.
I say follow your heart.
2007-10-23 13:35:15 · answer #5 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with madiesmum.
I am fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my 8 month old baby boy, but I have girlfriends that had to go back to work after only 6 weeks, and I truly felt their pain at having to do that. (especially when they were breastfeeding!)
Houses will always be for sale and with this current market you may be better off waiting, who knows? Your little one will benefit from his momma being home with him and you will benefit by not missing out on all his new little milestones!
Though if you have to go back try not to feel guilty, whether you stay home or go back to work you are doing what you have to to make sure he is taken care of.
I wish you luck.
2007-10-23 13:36:20 · answer #6 · answered by Saucy Wench 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
talk to your husband about how you are feeling. honestly houses will always be there, your baby will only be a baby for a little while.
personally i was able to get a full year off just before baby was born and am due to go back when she is 11months. i too am worried about leaving her - i have even considered taking another year at least.
your piece of mind is most important now, as baby will pick up on your frustration and start acting up. follow your heart
2007-10-23 13:27:54 · answer #7 · answered by madiesmum 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i went back to work after 5 months of having my twins - my partner stayed home with them for a further 7 months after that before he went back to work, and basically we went back to work for the same reasons (now left with their nanna).
It damn near killed me leaving my bubs, i would ring quite a few times a day to check if they're alright, and rush home to see them every night. Now they're 17months old i still ring up to see how they're doing (at least i've got it down to once a day now lol).
I have to say the hardest is when they're sick, and all you wanna do is be there for them - but just remmeber that you are going back to work for their sake - take lots of photos with you!! Good Luck
2007-10-23 16:00:16 · answer #8 · answered by Kylie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋