I was married when I was 21 to a controlling abusive older man. I had 2 kids and left when I was 26 (in March of 02.) That same year in September, I started dating this guy. I merried him in March of 04.
O.K. We have no kids together and don't plan on having any. He had a daughter from his 1st marriage. While we dated he showed signs of jelousy. I thought at that time they were flattering in a way. Now, it has gone on for so long it makes me crazy. He is always asking me if I'm going to leave him for another man and all sorts of other questions. Now you have to understand, for the past 2 years he has either not been home in the eavinigs helping someone with remodeling or he was trap shooting (what ever the heck that is) or playing softball, and being drunk. He was drinking everyday!
I'm not a ****** or a fighter so I let this go on too long. Now He acuses me of talking to other men online. Then he saw these "sultry" pictures I had on my page. It made me want to talk to men!
2007-10-23 13:11:17 · 32 answers · asked by Amber D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Basically you are bored with your new man because he does not
give you much attention and he is not home very often.
You are searching the internet for new friends to help pass the time.
Dump him,he has his life planned and your not in it.
PS im a bloke or man.
2007-10-23 13:27:56 · answer #1 · answered by J. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear friend, you should talk to him and tell him how you feel about your relationship together. If you still love him and still want to be marry to him and if he stills want to be marry to you too; then tell him he needs to help you build your love for each other. He should know about your past relationship, so if he truly loves you he'll never want to put you in the same situation you were in before you met him. Don't let him do what ever he wants, and just because you complain about him not being around to help you doesn't make you a ******.
So tell him you love him, care for him, and that right now the both of you aren't going anywhere with your marriage and you two need to go on a weekend get away and spend some time together (so that you know for sure if the fire works is still there).
2007-10-23 13:23:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, the drinking is a problem. Some guys are a little jealous, but i think the drinking has made him paranoid. Alcoholics are the most SELFISH, people in the world. They blame everyone and everything for their issues, before they hit a brick wall..and lose everything. I say you need to make a move ASAP. I mean you need to talk with him when he is sober, and tell him that you cannot live like this, and he either has to get help, or have some guts and stop....or you will leave. It's that simple. Living with an alcoholic is a miserable life. Trust me, i know...you can do better, and you seem young still and have to start enjoying your life. I know it might be a hard decision, but you will be doing the right thing. Good luck!
2007-10-23 13:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by trapper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You left one jealously controlling husband for another jealous husband. Of course you thought it was flattering when he seemed to be jealous...because you were still dating and it was "cute"! But now that it's gone on for a long while, it's hard to deal with.
About the only thing you can do right now is convince him that you're not going to leave him for another man. Do this as often as you need to and it might help him settle in a little bit better. When he was out of the house, he was easier to deal with because he wasn't in your face every few minutes. You took some sultry pictures that you put onto your website. Who can blame you for that? It sort of makes you want to talk to other men too because you've been accused of it for so long.
Nobody can blame you for that, but at the same time, I wouldn't fall into that trap because then he'll just tell you, "You see? I told you you were going to talk to other men!" *LOL* There's no way to win sometimes. Just deal with it the best you can for the sake of your family.
2007-10-23 13:18:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lol this has to be fake. a person as self centered, concieded, ego centric, and very spoiled as you has probably never seen antype of hardship in their life. You live in fantasy land. What exactly do you contribute to this marriage besides the fact that you think that your looks is all that is needed?? I mean seriously Your head is so far up your own ****. Your far from a REAL woman. A REAL women doesnt take advantage of their husband or look down upon everyone else around them. I feel bad because your obviously a terrible person.Time to grow up and land back on planet earth. Marriage is a partnership with someone you love and would do anything for. not a meal ticket....b**ch
2016-04-10 00:51:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is too surprising, because you were married the first time when you were fairly young, had an abusive relationship, and went from that relationship fairly quickly into your current relationship. It's possible you are just wondering at this point what things you missed out on and whether or not you may have met someone who made you happier if you had not gotten into this relationship. (This can be true even though you really love your husband, it's just human nature to sometimes wonder.) I think you will have to really think about what you want. Probably you should talk to your husband about his questioning and any other types of things that you would like him to know really bother you or that you would like him to change - maybe spending more time together? and go from there
2007-10-23 13:30:33 · answer #6 · answered by Evie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see, since you left a husband before, this man feels he can't trust you. are your kids with you? you have not mentioned. if not, then he fears that you may decide to return to your husband and kids. if he still sees his daughter and first wife, then i don't see why is he jealous. ask him if he wants to return to his own wife. maybe he can't tell you openly so he is creating an unbearable situation so that you are forced to leave. where does he go most evenings? sounds like he is involved somewhere else and seeing the ease with which he is cheating on you makes him suspicious of you. at a vey young age you have already been in 2 bad marriages. take some time to think about what you want your life to be - is work enough for you? maybe further studies? staying with an alcoholic is very difficult - are you strong enough to deal with this without destroying yourself? examine your marriage, is it going the correct way? if not, take some time out, it will give him and you a chance to work it out - what you decide to do about you, is up to you both. but don't stay in a bad relationship just because you feel you have to.
2007-10-23 13:28:20 · answer #7 · answered by zaikai61 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got married young too and left him and went strait into another long term relationship and sometimes i feel trapped and board I think i should have spent time more on my own and lived how i wanted without having the guilt and pressure of always being accountable to someone else. Its not right that he is out getting drunk every night and expecting to come home and have his wife at his beck and call.
if you feel ready you maybe should leave and experience life as a single person, it may be scary to be alone but it will let you be free.
2007-10-23 13:22:36 · answer #8 · answered by snakelady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you married to soon after the 1st marriage. You need time to fully heal from a "loss" and abuse. That's why you drew the attention of another person who is not emotionally stable for you - the cycle will keep on repeating until you get your self-esteem back in order. Get some counseling and ask him to go too - If he won't, go on your own. Obviously the two of you are not on the "journey" together...Isn't that why you married in the 1st place? Best of everything!
2007-10-23 13:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by Scott L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it is time to call it quits. You should know that you need to take at least a year off between relationships in order to have a healthy one next time. It does not look like you are picking the right kind of guys and with kids of your own it is very important that you do. Children need stability and peace and if that means that you say no more men until they are grown, well then you have to do what is best for them. You are still young and have plenty of time to make friends and get to know them before you start on any other relationship.
2007-10-23 13:17:32 · answer #10 · answered by anna_90242 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋