....his birthfather is a police officer in a different state who has never bothered to try to find him even though he has had my parent's number for years (son will be 17 next month). There were also issues with us....we were not married, and he thretened to take the child out of the hospital if it was a boy, but didn't want it if it was a girl. I was 19 he was 31. He called my parents house after I moved out of state to get away from his constant harassment at work and home and his threats. Son knows some of this, but I'm afraid he is not mature enough to destinguish between being showered with attention and gifts and the love and guidence that myself and my husband (since my son was 14 months) have given him. - yes, he is at that age. He has seen his 'dad's' recent reunion with his birthfather and it has been wonderful....any ideas to help a protective mother and wife make sure no one gets hurt? Husband is ok, but obviously has conserns since he has always loved & cared 4 him.
2007-10-23 13:05:01 · 19 answers · asked by Cindy Lou 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The birth father is obviously an SOB.Contact between the
two of them shouldn't be encouraged but can't be prevented. Since your son is almost 18,he's practically an adult. Mature or not,
if he feels he has to do it you have to step back. He may be
disillusioned but have faith,he's probably stronger than you
think. As long as you're there for him things should work out.
2007-10-23 13:24:49 · answer #1 · answered by Alion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself these questions? Have I been a good mother? Have I provided the best that I can for my child? Have I shown the child love and understanding? Do I trust my child to make wise and well thought out decisions for himself? If you can answer yes to these questions then there is nothing to worry about. You trust your instincts. Trust your son. If you and your husband have provided him with all of the love and growing and advise then don't worry. Dad will have a lot to prove not the mention your son my not really be trippin on him but just ask a few questions and get to know the guy. Who knows although there is a union it may not be all that you would expect because his step dad has been there to show him all the dad things.
2007-10-23 20:23:09 · answer #2 · answered by busymother2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you are afraid that his biological father may blame you for the separation between them, and that it might affect your relationship with your son. Be careful not to run down his biological father to him. He is old enough to be able to figure it out. Everyone has the right to know who their biological parent is. I know that this is scary for you, because you don't know how he is going to be received- you don't want him to have unrealistic expectations. Disappointment is part of growing up. Hopefully his biological father will be happy to have him in his life and have some kind of relationship with him. I don't really think you and your husband have to worry about his taking your husband's place in your son's life. He probably already has had a lot of questions in his own mind about why his biological father did not try harder to find him. If it is a good reunion, that's okay, too. No one can have too many people in their lives who love them. But, your son is the product of his upbringing. His biological father missed that, and made no contribution to it. I don't think your son will forget that. I think you should be supportive of your son, and let him take this step. I think what Johnny B said is a good idea, too.
2007-10-23 20:22:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let your son meet his birth father and let him make the decision as to keep a relationship with him or not. But another piece of advise is to make sure that you are there for him especially if his father is a real *** hole towards your son. At this point in your sons life he can kinda make his own decisions regardless if you think he is ready or not. Just make sure he feels he is ready and hope for the best. Pray that his father has changed his attitude and is willing to have a relationship with his son and if he is not remind your son that he has not been there for 17 years and his life really won't change much if he decides not to be there. You love your son and his step dad loves him and that is what he needs and will always have.
2007-10-23 20:16:46 · answer #4 · answered by Ally Cat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my first thought is if the father wanted anything to do with his son he should have tried to be in his life. if your son want to meet him by trying to stop it will only make your son angry. life is not without pain and maybe your son has qustions that he needs answered that you are not aware of. if you help him try to have a good relationship with his birth father now that will only show your care for his needs and wants. if you try to stop it when he turns 18 he will do it anyway and then might not come to you for the support he will need. even though you might hate or dislike this your first thought needs to be what your son needs to have answered. he my go and never want anything to do with him again or it will turn out great and then your son will have 2 great men in his life to guid him into being a man. but anyone can be a father but that don't make them a dad. just be there for your son help him when he needs it and let him make the choice. maybe get him a counselor too that might help him through this and figure out what he wants and needs. just becasue his birthfather might be back in his life his dad he will always love. good luck
2007-10-23 22:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the son knows that he has 2 loving parents supporting him that is very good. If the son is old enough and wants to meet his birth-father, then he has a right to meet him. If all these years he had no contact with his birth-father maybe it is time for the son to find what he did not miss all these growing years in that man who did not want to be a part of his life.
2007-10-23 20:18:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is just curious, as i'm sure you can understand.
He is at an age where he does understand that he has a father out there.
I suggest that you let him meet him and make his own opinion of this man.
This doesn't mean that he will not love or care about you or your husband any less, you are the one's that have cared and been there for almost 17 years nothing can change that.
you never know he may meet him and feel hatred and as he is a man of power, well authority he is and didn't set the best example.
goodluck with it and remember he will always love you.
2007-10-23 20:16:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think Johhny B has a good idea. If your son starts a relationship with him through letters and emails and they can get to know eachother first that way, maybe it will give you and your son a little more time. You a little more time to figure out the best way to set this up and your son a little time to mature and get to know his father without too much commitment on his part. Good luck, thats a tough situation to be in the middle of. Just make sure you give your son the truth and I bet he will make the right choice!
2007-10-23 20:11:50 · answer #8 · answered by Ca 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give him the phone number and let him speak to him on the blower take your time and say nothing that your son can hold against you or your partner as this will come up at a later date when your son dose starts to have a relationship with his biological father it all ways dose say good things about him even if you do have bend the truth a Little bit at least it will help sonny know you and your partner love him when the old man runs you down for taking him away they always do be care full ###
2007-10-23 20:20:32 · answer #9 · answered by angiebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son is going to meet him sooner or later as he is curious about his birth Dad.You have to give him the chance and just explain what you have to to him.He does have a right to know as it's not his fault all this happened.My son met his after 20 yrs and he wasn't impressed about his real father.Yes a mother has a special bond in protecting their children.Your Son will always love the father that raised him and have a special bond with him.Try not to worry too much as your Son needs to fill the curiosity he has
2007-10-23 20:23:00 · answer #10 · answered by mamaw2305 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋