i am so dipressed, please help me.?

Question

my parents are getting a divorce, and im really depressed about it, nothing makes me happy anymore, i never smile anymore, i just got a brand new bow, and a new laptop, and im still depressed(money cant buy happyness, you'd better believe it) i have a crappy job, (busboy at a resturant) and my grades are good, but not perfect, i find that my old intrests dont phase me anymore. whenever i get away from my house, i feel relieved somehow, but when i get on the bus to go home, i get depressed because i have to deal with the same crap again, i wish i could just leave it all, i want things to go back to the way they were, what can i do to make me happy again? please, i want to be happy again.

Answer 1

Much of my response may seem cliche, if you find it so please print it, fold it, put it away somewhere where you can view it periodically.

Things must seem completely out sorts to you at this point, nothing makes sense, nothing gives you pleasure, nothing gives you purpose, nothing has meaning. You're falling, falling endlessly out of control.
Or so it seems, life is too imperfect for people such as you and I. The difference between us, other than age of course, I've had the benefit of putting a few years of bark on my back to help me deal with these nuances.
Firstly, stop thinking "all or nothing", good or bad, perfect or imperfect, with nothing in between. This thinking will lead to bouts of procrastination, feelings of worthlessness and self doubt, in attempts at even the smallest of tasks. All this sounding a little familiar? In the midst of WWII, Winston Churchill was known to have been plagued by his "Black Dog Days" where he would lock himself away for days on end because of an inability to dress "properly". The best thinkers, scholars, entrepreneurs have strived for perfection and succeeded in spite of not because of it. The belief that if it cant be done perfectly the first time its not worth doing at all in even the smallest of tasks can lead to a sense of overwhelming worthlessness.
For you my friend, I think the divorce was the proverbial "head light" and you were the "deer". Divorce is devastating for everyone involved, even those peripherally involved are often cast with overwhelming feelings of fault, inadequacy and self doubt. Divorce by its very definition is to dissolve, to isolate ... its imperfection at its finest. Naturally then for you especially the event was clearly earth moving, it rocked your entire value system but what you must keep in mind is that divorce happens to good people and those around then not because of them.
What you must accept is that divorce is part of growing up, unfortunately you're at an age old enough to understand the obvious meaning of divorce yet young enough not to understand its deeper implications.
Remember it is not your fault, you will grow through this, you
will survive and perhaps learn something in retrospect that you may be able to avoid in your marriage, when it is your time to serve. In the meanwhile, do whatever its you need to do to get your life in order. Make a list of your priorities and rank them, adding to the list a bullet point outline of things you need to do to attain your priorities. First and foremost on that list should be college, you sound like you're about that age and frankly that just about fills your plate. There is no time for depression at this meal. Please try and work through this on your own, rather than seeking professional help that will fill your head with a lot labels and medications and I mean to say this literally, just put your nose to it and work toward accomplishing your goals. This is the best thing you can do for your parents, they in turn will be very proud of you and love you and give you lots of money and you will be happy.
One other item, the adage goes something like "time is a commodity too precious to waste on the young" . How true, time is the one thing you have at your disposal, it's one of the privileges of youth don't waste it, use it to fill your sails of dreams and aspirations. What I would give to be a busboy in the Catskills again.
Good Luck to You

Answer 2

Hi there!

Everyone responds to divorce in different ways, and the first thing I want to say to you is don't let anyone tell you that you need to just "suck it up and move on" because, while you do still have to push through your depression and keep going, just forgetting about everything is not going to help you deal with the underlying issues.

It sounds to me like you have a case of depression. I am not sure if it is clinical, because I am not a doctor, but you seen to find no joy in things that once made you happy.

The first thing I would do is talk to a counselor. There is nothing wrong with seeing a professional. It doesn't make you weak. In fact, on the contrary, I believe it shows strength that you see a problem and want to take steps to fix it.
The school counselor is probably a good place to start. He or she will be able to tell you whether you need to talk to a doctor or not. They will probably talk through some things with you and try to find the root causes of your depression.

You need to accept that things won't ever be exactly the same as they once were, but also that change, though hurtful at first, can also be a really good thing in the end.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Every life has phases. You are just in a bad phase right now. The best news I have to offer is this will pass. So whatever you do, do not hold on to these feelings of hurt. You are powerless to effect change in your parent's marriage, but you are not powerless in your own life.

Find a group for children who come from divorced homes. Go there and share your feelings. You need to get your feelings out. The stick around long enough to help the next new kid who used to suffer as you once did. This is when the healing begins. When you learn how to take the most negative aspects of your life and turn them into a positive force.

Good luck. I will pray for you.

Answer 4

Sometimes dealing with a matter as serious as a parents divorce takes time to heal. How can you be happy walking into that situation every day? It's difficult. You're right that money can't buy happiness. sometimes your best bet is to throw yourself into something else. If you get good grades, but they're not perfect, could you maybe spend more time at the Library or at school working on projects? Just so that one aspect of your life works out better than before. and it could also be a good way to avoid the parents as well.

Answer 5

What is your favorite song?
What is your favorite movie?
What used to make you smile?

These r some of the things you have to think about. What makes you tick. Your parents are getting a divorce. Your life is going to be different. It can only get better because right now you are feeling your worse. See if you can talk to a parent at a time and let them know how you are feeling and see what they can do for you. They are really struggling because they have new roads to face and they need your help. You will be the strong one for a while until they are back to "normal'. Be Strong because this won't last long. Be Brave because for your parents you might save their day.

Answer 6

If really want to be happy, you will have to smile often. Remember the song "Smile" which goes like this: "Smile, though your heart is aching, smile, even though it's breaking." You know, if you cannot do anything about something, you must accept it as it is. If you cannot do anything to patch up your parents, then, let it be. Just move on. Try to build new relationships. A new friend can, somehow, make you forget the sadness you are feeling right now. Don't feel like a loser. Do something about your life. Accomplish new things. Try a new hobby. This will divert you from your depression.. Try reading the poem, Desiderata. It might lift up your broken spirit. I hope this pointers have helped you in some way.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry. Dealing with a parents' divorce is hard but understand that it has nothing to do with you. It's problems between them. Have you talked to your mom and dad about how you feel? You should. If you don't feel comfortable, see a counselor. I happen to be one and have seen people flourish. One more thing, do things you enjoy. Go out with friends, start a hobby, volunteer, but whatever you do, don't stay home too much and think. It will only make you feel worse. I truly hope things work out. Take care.

Answer 8

I agree with Christina. It is very hard to deal with and it's not at all your fault. The best I could say is talk to a school counselor and your best friend. Definitely talk to you parents and tell them what it's doing to you. My real dad was an alcoholic that was never there, and my step dad was a felon and druggie. I always put my anger or sadness in writing when friends weren't there, and listened to music with lyrics that related to me. Maybe learn a guitar when you have to be home to keep your mind elsewhere? I know your pain and I feel for you. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and wish the best to you!

Answer 9

This is a doosey... My parents divorced after I was grown and moved out, but my brothers and I saw it coming, I was bummed out at first, but then the more I thought about it I came to the conclusion, that if I was unhappy would i want to stay in a relationship??? I know you want it to be the way it was when you were younger, but the cold hard reality is it will never be that way again... but it shouldn't stop you from being happy.. They are still "Mom" and "Dad" they just feel that this is best for both of them and their relationship. Being a parent I can tell you. "Both your Parents Love you and care about you" so tell them how your feeling and they should talk to you and help you understand, that sometimes its for the best... if both can be mature about the issue.

Good luck bro, that's a tough one, but when the storm calms down, everyone should find their happiness we all are searching for.

Don't know if your a religious type, but it never hurts to talk to god about it. The saying is true "If God brought you to it, He will see you through it!"

Answer 10

Money does indeed buy happiness.
I'd be a lot happier if I wasn't working 80hours a week just to survive. No one buys me new bows, new laptops or a free place to live.

Take solace in the fact your parents are alive, well and love you.