Me and my husband seperated because I thought it was what I wanted. Things happened before and after the seperation to hurt him and I feel terrible, as I should. A couple of months ago I realized what I lost and how bad I really messed up and started to change my actions to show him how I've changed and wanted US back. I didn't say anything at 1st, Ijust wanted my actions to say it for me. After a situation, I finally told him I wanted to work on our marriage. Things have been good but when something goes slightly wrong I feel like I am always the blame no matter what the situation is. I know I screwed up bad and have apologized profusely but how long am I suppose to be the enemy. When can I be "right" with him and not the blame for all that goes wrog with us. I'm starting to feel a little beat up.
2007-10-23 12:41:52 · 25 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have apologized and still do, and I tell him how grateful I am that he is giving us another chance, but is he truely giving me another chance if I get blamed for everything wrong with us now?
2007-10-23 12:48:13 · update #1
If the both of you have done everything that you need to do in order for you both to be able to get past this, or live with it. It now comes down to having a better understanding of each other & determining that you are better together than apart, if this is what you want.
2007-10-23 12:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bill Clinton, is that you?
Seriously, it's curious that you don't mention what it was that you did to get in the doghouse. Do you imagine you're the first person to have messed up in a marriage? Does he? Being married especially in a patriarchal culture is profoundly difficult - the hardest thing most of us do. Sounds like you need some professional pep talks. Consider sounding off just you with a marriage counselor to make sure you're on track.
Frankly, I wonder about your decision to return following separation. You probably thought a great deal about the marriage before deciding to separate. It's quite common for separated spouses to seek one another again to sort of confirm the close of the contract. Most often it's expressed sexually. Are you sure that's not what's going on here - a debriefing over the relationship that's out of your control now?
Again, consider sounding it with a pro. You sound very hurt and confused at the moment.
2007-10-23 12:52:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it does not sound like everything is worked out. You both need to talk. When something happens take a second to breath then talk to him. We dont know the details of your problems he does so heres the best i can try to help. Sit him down and one explain how you feel. Two talk about these problems and why you feel your being the one blamed. Try not to turn things to make him feel to blame. It sounds silly but me and my husband thank each other for doing the dishes or laundry. If I'm home from work and hes at school i will do dishes and clean when he gets home he gives me a hug and kiss saying thank you. Even though these are everyday things that we each should do saying thankyou shows you apprictate each other. Use your words they are your strength to a happy relationship. If this still does not work seek counseling trust me its better to try and not succeed then to not try and fail. GL
2007-10-23 12:51:27 · answer #3 · answered by EVANS HERE YAY!!! WHAT A BIG GUY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was hurt and upset at the decision you made. You think you are starting to feel beat up? What would have happened if he would have initiated the seperation? You would have been more beat up. Tell him I really am sorry for the decision I made but I came to the conclusion that I do love and need you and you accepted that apology. Now let the past be the past because we can only change the future.
2007-10-23 12:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talking+ Working things out = Problem Solved Ok so basically ur not a bad person for liking the same person ur friend liked its not ur fault that u got the girl and he didnt lifes unfair no one said it would be easy if he's a real friend he would except this not hurt u or put u out there (ex: his status) u got lucky by getting what he had wanted for once in a way u cant say he has EVERYTHING when u might not rlly know how he's life is really going even tho u think u do..since u said that he has a good life and in a way gets things handed to him then this rlly pissed him off b/c he's use to having things his way but this time it happened to go ur way.. ur NOT a bad person he jus wants u to feel bad so u can let ur girl go and then he will swipe her off her feet and make u look like the bad guy.. DO this: tell them u want to talk to them both...ask HER who do u want to be with me or B?? in front of him...her answer is EVERYTHING it shows that ur not the bad person (cause ur not) it jus shows who she wants and if its not him then he has to get over it! DONT do this: let evrything jus happen ignore him tell him off be rude hes sad right now and does not need dat right now but... most importantly tell him How U FEEL!!! hes hurting u too u know he is so listen to his side and make sure he listens to u....dont let a girl get in between ur friendship.....jus make sure to work things out and make sure its a win win situation 50/50 Good Luck :D
2016-04-10 00:48:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've made amends, as you have stated, and he loves you, one would hope to learn from the painful situation and put the past behind, but not to use it or the painful fallout as a trump card. Even murders pay their debt and are freed. May I suggest a GOOD marriage counselor. You may need to ask and/or shop around for one. But a professional 3rd party, not friends or relatives, can be of enormous benefit. Oh, and don't let yourself become the 'whipping boy" of the relationship. Whatever the relationship was, it isn't now. If things don't change for the better, can you accept them as they currently stand? Being wrong, bad, ignorant...whatever in the past does not mandate that you pay the price indefinitely.
2007-10-23 12:56:12 · answer #6 · answered by Julio 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you did, your husband has not forgiven you yet. He is holding resentment inside, and when he is angry, he is punishing you with it. This is not a fair way to fight. If he forgave you, he should not be bringing up past transgressions and rehashing them. And you should not have to keep apologizing over and over again. You need to realize that it will take some time for his trust in you to be reestablished. It won't help if you get angry that he doesn't seem to trust what you say, or do. That's to be expected. You will have to show him by your actions. It sounds to me like you really need to get some marriage counseling. If he holds on to this anger about what you did in the past, you will never be able to move ahead with your relationship as a couple.
2007-10-23 12:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be total honest when your the one that messed up you never will feel like your ever right . It won't matter how many times you say that your sorry part of you will always be guilty for what you did and thats something that you'll have to live with. He may say that he has fogiven you but the truth is that he'll never forget and thats what sucks the most believe me I know. Good luck and as long as you stick with doing what you know is best then there is nothing more that you can do. You have to forgive youself.
2007-10-23 12:50:29 · answer #8 · answered by Shalonda T 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So, your change is about 2 months ago, right? I would give, honestly 4 more months. You need to hang in there, even though there will be uncomfortable situations like you mentioned.
Be patient, if he really loves you and wants you back, he'll give in. If his love is strong, he will come back.
BUT!! if after this time, he still continues with his sarcasm, you better drop him, you can not allow any man, to put you down all your life with his stupid comments.
You need a real man, not a traumatized revenger.
And don't feel bad, he really didn't love you if he doesn't get it.
Do you want a man who doesn't forgive you? he doesn't love you then.
2007-10-23 13:07:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to establish with him once and for all that you are sorry for that fallout. that he can not make you feel guilty for everything else, if he is going to accept you, he cannot use your previous problem as somthing to hold over your head. You shouldnt be apolagizing for anything else, If he has done something wrong, then he should apolagize, just because you have made a mistake in the past doesnt mean that you are at fault for all the problems of the present and future.
2007-10-23 12:47:10 · answer #10 · answered by Cait 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋