My husband is still friends with an ex from high school. I think he still has feelings for this girl. I asked him if he loves her, he use to tell me no. But the last time I asked he said "As a friend." What is he meaning by this?
2007-10-23 12:11:24 · 35 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What does it mean if a guy says "I love her as a friend?"
2007-10-23 12:15:27 · update #1
I have good friends who I've know for a long time who I love - male and female. Some of the guys I used to date, but that relationship didn't work. We had amiable break-ups (no fighting), and continued on a friendship basis. That to me is loving "as a friend".
I make sure that whover I'm seeing knows what my relationship is with these guys, and that the also know I'm not willing to end a long term friendship (some of them over 20 years) over jealousy. A couple of them have become friends with my current significant other. I don't, by the way, maintain "friends with benefits". I think it would create confusion.
Love and sex aren't always connected. He probably told you he didn't love her at first to avoid a scene with you - although he should have told the truth from the start.
I think that life is too short to abandon your network of people who love you. The terms just change.
2007-10-23 12:19:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess the question you really need to ask is, "Why is he still friends with his ex?"
People are ex's for a reason, usually because someone rejected the other. Did your husband break up with her, or was it the other way around? He could still be carrying a torch for her.
That's not saying that he is doing anything wrong, but it is a little strange. In general, most people do not stay friends with their ex's and most especially if they are married. As for the comment, it seems kind of tactless, but still harmless.
You apparently have hurt feelings and concern. There seems to be some insecurity there. If you knew that your husband was 100 percent into you, then this wouldn't bother you. Whether or not he is really doing anything wrong, there seems to be a trust issue, and that can only be fixed with open communication. Otherwise, you'll be obsessing into breaking down a response. And to be honest, guys rarely have double meaning in their words.
2007-10-23 12:34:28 · answer #2 · answered by Ku-Ling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that he means that he just loves her as a person, not that he is in love with her and there is a major difference between the two. I still am freinds with an exboyfreind from high school and i love him just like i would love a family member or cousin but by no means do i have any romantic feelings for him. Sometimes us women can feel threatened by past relationships of our mates, but you must keep in mind that YOU are the one he sleeps next to everynight and YOU are the one he chose to marry.
2007-10-23 12:18:31 · answer #3 · answered by The Queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means that he cares for her as he cares for all his friends. He doesn't hate her, that's good. you don't want a hateful boyfriend, do you?
Now that I have been real, here's the honest scoop... my "X" husband used to go on and on about Suzie. "Suzie had a small waist, Suzie looked like Natalie Wood, Suzie was my first..." It made me feel like a fat ugly person. I could never be as wonderful as his first love. He compared me to her and everyone else. That's one of the reasons he is my "X" husband.
After him I had a boyfriend that was still so connected to his "X" wife as "Friends" that when we traveled to Arizona, we had to stop and visit her. One time she was staying at her boyfriends house and let us stay at her house. I was terribly uncomfortable with that. Her bathing suit was hanging inside out on the bathroom door, my "X" boyfriend was going around the house remembering some of the things that she won in the divorce and telling me stories about back in the day...
It's nice if you can stay on good terms with an "X", but it is much nicer if you let them go and start a new life with someone else and friends you collect together. Personally, I am very uncomfortable with it. I tolerated it because I am stupid when it comes to just how much slack I should give a guy.
I am happy to say, I love my present husband and he very much dislikes his "X"! My "X's" are nothing to me anymore. I can't even believe I thought that I loved them as much as I thought I did! Good luck, Granny
2007-10-23 12:26:21 · answer #4 · answered by Granny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think he still having feeling for his ex-gf. But that's just feeling. Maybe if you get to know his ex-gf .. both of you probably will be come close Friends. Who knows! Just think this way .. he's your husband now. So, you shouldn't worried about those kind a things. And remember, friends comes and go .. but your love one will always be there. Good luck!
2007-10-23 12:18:13 · answer #5 · answered by [SOPHIE] 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just as a friend. he was probably realizing the "no" answer wasn't working very well. I'd believe him if he says that he only loves her as a friend, unless something makes you feel akward like he's lying then he's probably telling the truth. I have a close friend that i dated in HS and would NEVER be interested in EVER again but its good to kind of know someone that u have a past with and can talk about things if u ever need to...and i love him as a friend :) hope that helps!
2007-10-23 12:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by sbabe52 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have friends you love? Doesn't matter whether they are of the opposite sex. He's married to YOU. My husband has female friends and I have male friends and yeah, we could both probably say we loved them as friends. There is a big difference loving someone and being "in love" with someone.
2007-10-23 12:17:37 · answer #7 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ex's are ex's for a reason.
If they were so great, they wouldnt be ex's.
We all hold a special place in our hearts for the ones we have loved, it doesnt mean he is still in love with her.
I think if he shows you every day that you are the one he is in love with and is respectful of your feelings, then there isnt too much to be worried about.
Do you feel loved by this man......After all, it was YOU that he married.
2007-10-23 12:19:20 · answer #8 · answered by heymumma1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on their relationship? Sometimes ex's stay friends strictly nonsexual because they already tried the intimacy thing and probably didn't work for them I know several guys who have ex's strictly as friends I wouldnt worry to much about it, but if it bothers you that much and is becoming a problem then you may want to confront him or both of them on the issue.
2007-10-23 12:19:05 · answer #9 · answered by Party Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He still cares for her, cares about her well being, but in a non romantic way. For example, I love all my guy friends, as freinds, but you wont ever see me trying to get fancy with them. Haha I know what he means though. Honestly you have nothing to worry about. I have alot of exes as freinds, but even if we were the last people on earth. It would be just that friends. He picked you to marry, i think its clear who he wants to be with
2007-10-23 12:37:15 · answer #10 · answered by alongfortheride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋