Thanks guys for making me feel welcome. I'll probably have several questions in the future. I appreciate all input.
My girlfriend (of 5 years) has a twin bro who is gay. Being twins they are VERY close. Naturally he is around all the time. In an attempt to make this short I'll just say, if I didn't have a brother myself the gf's bro would be my best man in our wedding. He has become a brother to me. Here is the question.
When we go out to straight bars should I be protective? Should I let him deal with ******* himself? I'm quick to come to his defense. I'll tell you what sparked this question. Just recently at a club, not more than 10 minutes after we walk in, I hear a guy behind me say, " Are you a fa99ot?" I turned around so fast I almost made the guy jump. I put my arm around the gf's bro and asked the guy if he was hitting on my boyfriend. I did it without even thinking about it. The night went on and the situation wasn't mentioned. ** Heck! No more space, wait for edit*
2007-10-23 10:28:25 · 13 answers · asked by brodawg80 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
The next day a buddy of mine said that I shouldn't stick up for him. He said that unless it becomes physical that I should let him deal with it himself. Butting in takes away his masculinity. The gf's bro and I can talk about anything. I don't however, bring up situations like this because I don't want to make him feel awkward. I will say that he has my back at the gay bar all the time. He bartends there, so the gf and I end up there once a weekend usually. What should I do? How should I bring this up? My gf says that I shouldn't stop. She also doesn't exactly want me to talk to him about it. He is a bit sensitive about the way he gets treated in public, especially straight bars. What to do? Thanks.
2007-10-23 10:35:56 · update #1
I wasn't expecting so many answers this fast. You guys rock! I don't think it's in my nature to stop protecting him. I would say that I stick up for him about once a month. Whether it's just giving someone the "eye", or actually saying something. I do know that he appreciates feeling safe. Who wouldn't? I just don't want him to think that I feel he can't take care of himself. I know he can. He's my gym partner, I've seen what a beast he can be. haha
2007-10-23 11:21:45 · update #2
Sometimes, I have lots of awesome comebacks to say to people online...
...but when I feel threatened in person, it is truly a shock and I can't think of anything at all to say.
I think what you are doing is good. If he had a problem with it, more than likely he would tell you to stop.
2007-10-23 10:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
It is never wrong to stick up for someone, it shows you care. I can not tell you how many times I was in a str8 bar with friends or family and they leave me hanging unless it gets physical. That is scary for me so I did not use to go out unless I had a large group of friends with me. well through that I became friends with many other people and now I have no fear. The guy I feared the most came up on stage one night when I was singing a karaoke song and grabbed a mic and told the crowd that the song I was singing was gay. I told him it was a love ballad dedicated to him and that I have his package ready to drop off at the rear door. he died laughing and has never stopped being nice to me since that day. I was sweating bullets though trust me. LOL BTW my best friends wife is gay and they are twins as well. He stood up with her and was the equivalent to a matron of Honor. It worked out great. very nice wedding, and nice expression of their devotion to each other as siblings.
2007-10-23 14:05:31 · answer #2 · answered by Wylliam 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense to your friend, but sticking up for your girlfriend's brother is in no way making him lose his masculinity. If you sticking up for him in straight clubs makes him feel safe, and you have no problem with it (and obviously your girlfriend has no problem with it) then just stick up for him. It's definitely the nicest thing to do, and I'm sure if he had a problem with it, he'd have said that already. Knowing how protective you seem to be of him, I'm sure you also know how badly gays can get beat up just for being gay, and even though you say he's strong, no one likes holding that above their heads.
By the way, LOL @ asking if he was hitting on your boyfriend!
2007-10-23 11:53:19 · answer #3 · answered by JustAGirlX 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How does he react when you step in to defend him?Has he ever been mad at you for doing it.From what I have read i would say no.He is like a bro to you so just keep doing what you are doing.If he doesnt want you to he will just let you know.Talking about that with him would be a good idea too but since the gf doesn't want you to it's kind of hard I guess.
2007-10-23 10:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
i would say trust your own instinct (which sounds good) and just keep going the way you have been. you sound like a cool guy, so don't worry too much about it.
just be sure that you are not so protective of him that you make a situation worse instead of better by jumping in before your help is needed.
too bad there are not more guys like you.
2007-10-23 10:43:44 · answer #5 · answered by waterlin 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are a really good person. that was really nice of you. This is what i think you should do, If something like that is going to happen let him try to handle it first, but if it gets worse Jump in and help. But if he is handleing it fine, then let him continue. Thats just what i think. You are really nice. Good Luck.
2007-10-26 07:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by strong enough to break 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say you should keep doing it unless he asks you to stop. Dont be too protective but keep helping him out when he needs it. It's great that your willing to help him out rather then making it worse like a lot of straight guys would.
2007-10-23 11:02:42 · answer #7 · answered by cdr dsw = <3 [11/1/10] 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh dude that's awesome! :) You sound like a very cool guy.
Unless he says he prefer to deal with it himself, I don't see any problem with you having his back.
Liking you. :)
EDIT: You know what? On second thoughts just ask him about it. If you two are that close you might as well address the problem directly. See if he'd prefer you to let him deal with it.
2007-10-23 10:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
If guys start to be pricks to him, step in. It would prove to those guys that other straight men are okay with gay guys. It might shine some light upon the situation.
2007-10-23 10:34:14 · answer #9 · answered by Primo 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
yo usound like a really awesome guy, I am with your gf, dont stop, unless he tells you to, He actually feels quite happy that he actually has an awesome straight guy like you to take care of him.
2007-10-23 10:52:12 · answer #10 · answered by Austin 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋