My husband is stubborn and selfish. He refuses counseling, saying "No one is going to change me". He has a lot of anger issues because his father used to beat him up when he was little. He also has an eating problem, meaning he will stuff himself full of food whenever he feels insecure of afraid. He gets fatter and fatter. He only wants to watch TV, eat and play video games. He never goes out with me or talks to me, yet when I suggest separating, he says he'd rather see me dead. What advice does anyone have on what to do? I am sick of it. We've been married almost 2 years with a baby. He changed after we got married. Please do not make fun, only serious responses.
2007-10-23 10:05:22 · 21 answers · asked by Librawriter 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry to hear that. I would write him a letter or talk to him (whichever is easier) tell him everything that you're frustrated about. Tell him he either tries counseling or it's over. If he's not willing to work on the marriage then what do you have?
2007-10-23 10:10:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if he is not willing to start counseling, get a lawyer. I am worried about his remark that he'd rather see you dead... what kind of stupid comment is that? You should get a lawyer and also see advice with organizations who defend women rights. If he keeps on threatening you tell it to the police.
I am sorry to say this, but you are obviously better off without him. In 10 years he will be more vicious, fatter and you might have 2 more kids and than the way out will be much more difficult.
good luck
2007-10-23 17:30:25 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, get out now!! It seems to me, from what you've said, that he has never dealt with his past issues. He seems insecure and bordering on some kind of sanity fence. If he doesn't get help, he will eventually, and more than likely, hurt you or the baby. -> Yet when I suggest separating, he says he'd rather see me dead<- This is not funny! Most people say it like this: "I would rather die than have you leave me!" The way he worded it is VERY VERY scary, and to me, it seems like a threat. Do you have family near? Can you leave while he's at work? Can you secretly pack some clothes and tell him you're going grocery shopping? Your parents or other family members would rather have the burden of hiding and protecting you than finding out you and the baby were hurt, or even killed. Leave! GET OUT! Run! Anything and whatever it takes to get away from this man.
2007-10-23 17:16:26 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe if he needs a swift kick in the pants/an eye opener. If you leave he'll know you're serious about not wanting to live this life and it may prompt him to get his act together. Just make sure to do it when he's not there and have someone else to help you. Focus on you and the baby and your happiness and only if he decides to pull it together and make changes that you can see should you try to go back with him - you don't deserve his nonsense and shouldn't have to live with that kind of unhappiness. Best of luck.
2007-10-23 17:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by needstoknow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If love does not work them some threat might, serve him the divorce papers.....
I seriously don't believe in a person is like this because his parent screwed him up. Its just a cover up for being an @sshole to everyone that loves and cares about u.
A sensible person will never repeat the mistakes his parents made. You husband is acting like a 2 year old, then treat him like to 2 year old.
2007-10-23 17:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if he threatens you like that (about rather seeing you dead) that means he is obsessive. He might not eevn be in love with you. You say he doesn't even go out with you and seems not to care about you, and he only eats and eats, this sound like he is insecure with himself, has no self esteem, and possibly tired of you. Some men tend to think that when they get married to someone and have a kid then that's it. They think that because of this there wife's have no choice, but to be with them. I hope that this helps!
God Bless.
2007-10-23 17:17:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to talk to an attorney and don't worry about separating since he will never change but file for divorce and a restraining order to keep him away from you. You might also need help evicting him so tell the attorney that he threatened to kill you if your were separated and perhaps the police can evict him for you. I hope you get rid of this jerk and find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Good luck.
2007-10-23 17:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He does have serious issues but as always there is not going to be any effective help until he wants it. That leaves the decision in your court as to whether you want to live in that environment or not. The dead thing is protectable and will land him in jail as the system will protect you but you have to make some decisions about life to get to that point.
2007-10-23 17:11:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this is one of the problems one has after obtaining that little piece of paper called a "marriage certificate". This is exactly why I choose to remain single and independent. I can only suggest that you leave when he is not at home with the child and never ever look back
2007-10-23 17:08:32 · answer #9 · answered by sunbun 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
tell him to grow up or ship out! He needs to stop feeling sorry for himself and start being a husband and a father! I was also in an abusive family. But he needs to step up!
2007-10-23 17:21:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋