I need help?

Question

Well first of all I left the US to marry my british Husband. And I left EVERYTHING behind. So I get here and the second I'm able to get a job he starts badgering me about it. All I hear is have you put your cv in here here or there? Well I find this job I really liked that had a prospect of sending me to college to be a forensic nurse... Well he didn't want that. All I heard was its a **** job, it doesn't pay good blah blah. So I turned down the job I really wanted and then another I wanted because I thought I'd compromise. Well I got a job interview to be a secretary just like he wanted and he gets home and I'm soo excited. And I tell him and he sneers at me "well I wouldn't get too excited" ...

And I just feel like I've given everything I have and for what? There's nothing else left ... I'm absolutely hurt and I don't know what to do ... I want to leave but I have no where to go so thats useless ... I just dunno what to do anymore. Nothing seems to be good enough.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you're feeling so yucky. You guys really need to sit down and talk. He might not know how much he's upsetting you. Just because it's obvious that he's being a jerk, he somehow might not realize just how much it's affecting you.

Answer 2

Sounds like someone turned out not to be the cool British prince they once acted like. It sounds like he pretty much just wants a woman to sit around the house to be his beck and call. He probably put down the first two jobs you wanted and then he could just tell everyone that he wanted to be the provider and blah, blah, blah telling friends that he doesn't want you to work cause he's the man and crap like that. Now that you go looking for the job that he wanted you to get and you got it (he probably figured you wouldn't take a secretarial position seeing how you have aspirations) he goes and belittles so you won't take it. Either way he wins by keeping you at home. Why he wouldn't be happy makes no sense to me like I said before two incomes are awesome and then I wouldn't have to worry about you asking me for money all the time. It could be that he knows how hot you are and he is worried about you being in a workplace and finding someone to leave him for other than that it really doesn't make sense. Not that his insecurities would make sense either. I know you want to leave but I think first before you do you should talk to him about how you want to work and why he keeps belittling it. If he still wants to act like his Aunt Flo is in then maybe you should leave. You have friends and family in the states I'm sure who will put you up temporarily until you get on you feet. If you wanna come back to Illinois I know a house you can rent and I'll put you right to work in the construction field. I can make you do all the crap I hate doing ; D. Buck up li'l camper and I hope it goes well.

Answer 3

How long did you guys date? I'm not making light of the situation...but, uh...don't be a victim. Come back to America. Or, get the job you want and don't worry about what your husband thinks. Just because he married you doesn't mean he owns you. Another idea: change the picture on your profile. This is a prime example of how little you respect yourself. That's the majority of your problem. I don't mean to sound harsh, but you've moved away from your family, and taken the role of an adult, but you don't have the back bone to stand up for yourself. Good luck!!

Answer 4

I can't judge you-I was in a similar situation like yourself! 5 yrs ago..I came from Mexico and hooked up with someone here..He promised me the "world" and love..But when I had a kid I was 18yrs old..He cheated on me when I was 20 yrs old.I left him..and moved with some High School friends..Than I got 2 full time jobs,and I used to leave my kid at daycare.The title 20 paid for her.So I saved enough..
and Yes is hard as Single parent! I started doing what I know best and that is Ride'em horses and began training as a private trainer-2yrs later I have nice pad..two cars..and I make good and comfortable living..With NO MAN!
If I can do it..SO CAN YOU!
Be afraid of loving not leaving..Leaving is easier than letting go of your heart..I loved that man that betrayed me.I SUGGEST you leave before you get a kid..
So get ANY JOB-SAVE-and Get PASSPORT OR ANYTHING..to COME BACK home
to your family..

Feel free to contact me..Have a god bless you!

Answer 5

You chose to marry this man - if you didn't know him and his values well enough to know he would act this way then perhaps you chose badly, but you did choose, and you have promised to stay with him forever. He may not mean what he says the way that you feel he means it. He may simply want the best for you, and not want you to get your hopes up incase you are disappointed. Talk it all through with him. Tell him how you feel, but also listen to him when he tells you why he says these things, and what it is he wants from you and from your marriage. These are all things which should've been discussed before the wedding day, in order to find out if you were compatible, but as it is too late for that you shall just have to work very hard on finding the resolution to your issues, which is likely to involve compromising on some things.

Answer 6

He sounds like he is an abuser. Starting with the mental and verbal and will probably become physically abusive in the future. Get back to the US and leave his sorry **** behind. Take any job YOU want and leave him. Look for a woman's shelter or a room to rent until you can come home if you have to but get away from him.

Answer 7

Sound like you need to look at the relationship. From what you describe, he is controlling you. That is not a healthy love, if you want to classify it as any kind of love. If this is the case, you need to get out. Call your parents, family, someone you can trust and get help. There is lot more then what we can see on here, and more then likely, more to the story then you have said.

But based on what you said, the situation is your husband is controlling you to make him feel better about himself. This is not a healthy situation for you, and will destroy your self-esteem if you let it go on.

Answer 8

Go back to your family and friends in America so they can look after you and make sure your ok. You took a risk, and it could of pulled off, but he is a nasty bit of work who will sap all your confidence and self worth out of you. Leave, and get a plane home.

Answer 9

English are known to be stuck up, so what was it the accent that got you. He also seems arrogant and controlling which could potentially lead to blaming you for cheating and physical abuse. Come back to US and start you life over here again.

Answer 10

You have two things you can do- pack your **** and leave or do what YOU want job wise and tell him to stuff it. You shouldn't have turn down a job that you really wanted. I like to know what the hell he does for a living that's so great!!