My boyfriends is addicted to porn and chatting with other girls. We talked about it. Porn is fine but no chat!

Question

I am still not fine with the chatting. I caught him creating a profile and emailing random girls. It still says in his profile in a relationship. He said that he wants to chat with girls just for fun. He never plans to meet up with these girls. He just wants one on one action. I offered him that I would let him go because I think he wants to be single. But he said that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He asked to give him time to get the internet chatting out of his system. His tactic is to gain the trust of other girls and make "friends" with them... and then that's when he would talk sex with them. But that's all. He gave me all his accounts and passwords. He is open about it and gave me permission to look at what they talk about. What should I do? Is there such a guy who are really like that? I am not sure if he is telling the truth about him just want to have fun with other girls. I am stupid to hold on?

Answer 1

I want to know what YOUR problem is that you continue to let him treat you like this! Low self-esteem? Why in heaven's name would you TOLERATE this?

The porn and the chatting are both wrong. He's merely placating you knowing that you are foolish enough to buy the excuses. In a way, it's like a test. He's pushing the boundaries to see how far you will let him go. He knows that he can continue both and also keep you - nothing has changed for him! YOU are the one who has capitulated (given in) on this latest escalation. He has all the power and control in the relationship and you are so desperate for a boyfriend, ANY body, that you continue to let him get away with crap and degrade not only the relationship but show contempt for you. He does not respect you - and there can be no love where there is no respect. Do you honestly believe that this is how mature men and women act??!! Of course not - because if you did you would not be here asking this question. You know this is wrong so why do you allow it to continue? He WILL go back to his garbage. So he gave you his accounts and passwords. Big deal. What's to stop him from having other accounts and passwords, or creating more and not telling you about those? You already said you caught him creating a profile! This is merely a ploy to placate you.

Of course he wants to keep you around. You're convenient. And, unlike secure and strong women, you buy into his nonsense. He would have to go out and find another sucker if you left and not everyone is as gullible or accommodating - or desperate.

I'm sorry but you need to get away from this user. If you won't, fine. But his use of porn and chatting with other women WILL escalate. If you want to wait, you'll see it happen. But don't you find it repulsive?! Why do you say "porn is fine?!" And isn't it insulting to YOU? If he truly "loved" you, why would he need porn or other women? Believe it or not, there are people who have spent their whole lives without once looking at pornography. They also haven't used drugs or committed a crime. You must hang around with a VERY rough crowd.

Time for you to grow a backbone. Kick this loser out the door! You will never have better unless and until you raise your standards.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Unless you guys are open to swinging why go down this road? A relationship is for two people......If you think emotional bonds mean nothing.....what would a relationship be without one... It's to be private and between just 2 people. Tell me something, Is your Boyfriend a Fire sign?(Aries,Leo,Sagittarius) ? Some people like playing with fire and Sag's are definitely a candidate for such tactics...It's only after they have done the damage that they are sorry, then that's another challenge. That's what all of us like "challenges".....The New challenge will be getting you back, After You Leave Him! Just think of how asinine this is, he's wasting time with cyber sex when he has a real woman in his life.....The only way to get something out of his system is to increase your value verses his habit. Escapism is what this is and escapism has it's place but when we choose it over reality.....there's a problem. Somehow he's getting more satisfaction from that "emotional bond" then with you which could mean somewhere in your relationship with him there is a pressure he's not dealing with between you. Relationships are about transcending pressures and becoming closer...if you allow him to deal with his pressure in this manner then your relationship will never transcend and become deeper. Money,Sex and Lust for life are all pressures that test our love. "Houston"......You have a problem. P.S. Ultra Mega Has a more simple point, but sometime's if we give people what they want then their desire becomes insatiable.

Answer 4

WOW, porn is like iceing on the cake, that you already like!! Why don't you just enjoy it with em? The chat is a little over the edge, but there again, why not widen your horrizons & engage the chat rooms with him. Ask alot of ??'s in there, and stir up some intrests!! Its exciting to talk to other couples who are voryers/exhibitionists and use yur cam to exchange visuals!! You might find this exciting too! The possiblities are endless!!

Answer 5

I caught my wife spending money on a online chat dating site on http://www.dating-advisors.com . I had a hard time condemning her since I spend money watching. I felt is was different since she was actually chatting with other people and talking about online dating rather than just watching porn movies. I'm also interested in what other peole think.

Answer 6

good for you!

stand up for what you believe is wrong in YOUR relationship with ANY man, and things will be better. hes either gonna like that you are strong, or hate that you put down what he feels is right.

this is unacceptable behavior for ANY guy to do. this is going to be a losing battle for you if you decide to let him do this. we ALL know one thing leads to another........

he has issues.. insecurity, communication, compromise, loyalty, etc.... hes insecure because he needs this attention from ppl he tells you hes never going to meet. communication, because he thinks talking to other women while in a relationship is healthy for it. compromise, because he doesn't want to give up what he knows bothers you. and i shouldn't have to explain the loyalty.....

knowing all of this, its best that you spend more time looking in the future if he doesn't stop. how will you feel? can you trust him when your not there? is he obsessively thinking about these "on-line lovers" as much as he thinks about you? and does he show you?

good luck mama!!!!!!

Answer 7

i can only answer this on what i would do.
i would not want my bf/gf, husband looking at porn, chatting with peeps online or in person in a sexual nature. if you have stated that it bothers you and they continue to do this...then your boyfriend has no consideration for you. with that said ..you need to figure out if you think you deserve this kind of treatment...if you feel that you dont deserve this ..then say to your boyfriend, that it bothers you, you want it to stop, if that dont work, then yes ...time to move on...trust me ..it wont get any better down the line.

good luck
hugz

Answer 8

If you don't want him to chat with a real woman, make him a bot...this is one of mine(and he doesn't cyber, by the way)
http://www.pandorabots.com/pandora/talk?botid=87395fcdfe35bc4d
He's a pandorabot, you could make him one from there
http://www.pandorabots.com/botmaster/en/home
It might be alittle tough though, one might be better from here:
http://www.runabot.com/
they even have a customisable"cyber" program 0_o. He could make his bot anyway he wants, and make a game out of it. There are some already made cyberbots out there...but I don't have their urls.

Answer 9

dump the ******... I've been involved with a guy like that. He says he loves you more than anything else in the world, but if thats true... why is he trying to get pleasure from other women? sweety, sometimes the easiest way to stay away from getting hurt is to get out of the situation as early as possible.

Answer 10

He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's not ready for a monogamous relationship in my opinion. If that is what you want, then you are with the wrong guy.