Decode this communitcation about mowing!?

Question

My boyfriend has been gone often for his job and I've been complaining about not seeing him. I wanted to just spend time with him yesterday.

He called on his way out of the office and asked if I still wanted to do something. He said that he was thinking about going to his ex-wife and his house to mow the yard. (this has been an ongoing argument).
Him: If you want me to come home I will
Me: I want you to do whatever you want to do
Him: Why can't you just tell me the truth?
Me: I want you to do whatever you want to do
Him: This may be the only chance I get for awhile
Me: Just go mow the yard
Him: Are you going to be mad?
Me: Does it matter how I feel?

I know, it's another stupid arguement, but I don't understand it.

Answer 1

Him: If you want me to come home I will
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT?
Me: I want you to do whatever you want to do
NO ANSWER
Him: Why can't you just tell me the truth?
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT?
Me: I want you to do whatever you want to do
NO ANSWER
Him: This may be the only chance I get for awhile
IS IT OKAY?
Me: Just go mow the yard
FINE JUST DO IT
Him: Are you going to be mad?
IS THAT AN HONEST ANSWER?
Me: Does it matter how I feel?
YOU ARE WRONG

It looks like you are the one not communicating.

Answer 2

He is challenging you to tell him the truth--and may be trying to attend to your needs. If you complain about not seeing him and wanting to spend time with him, you need to say Yes, please come and see me. That would mean a lot.

Saying "Just go mow the yard" is dishonest on your part. That is what you DON'T want. You are making it too easy for him and setting yourself up to get hurt in using that kind of sarcasm.

Maybe you want him to want to see you without your having to ask at all. Men are different. They want to know what we want in a direct way.

If you make it painful for him to offer to see you, he won't do it again or often enough. You need to respond positively.

Make yourself alluring and irresistable to be around. Like when you were first dating. Be positive. Right now, he is going to feel like he can't win.

About him mowing the yard for the ex, does he have kids? If not, you could tell him that it is really her responsibility to mow her own yard. Because you feel hurt that it seems he is still entangled with "old stuff". If he has kids, let it go.

Answer 3

You need to speak your mind, be honest and truthful, cause i'm sure at the end of that argument comes "well, you said to do what I wanted to do" after a few jabs at each other. If you wanted to spend time with him, then it was up to you to tell him.

Next, if she's an "ex" and he's still mowing the yard? Something up there. My ex wouldn't have dared to offer to mow my yard... Might ought to check in on things....

Answer 4

Yes, like the many others here have said, be upfront and honest.
"honey, sure it bothers me, but I understand that you feel you must mow her yard, so go ahead"
Who cares if he mows her yard? You'd better get used to it, cuz he's going to be running over there every so often and doing things for his x.
You will have to win him in a sweet way..from yielding to the x.
granted, he will still want to help her out, that's just the way it is, till she remarries.

Answer 5

He has no business going around her house anyway. Let the b i t c h mow her own lawn.

I really do understand where you're coming from though. You don't want to alienate him or make him feel like you're bossing him around. I do the same thing, my fiance just knows me well enough to be able to tell when I'm fighting what I want for the sake of what he wants.

Answer 6

What is it that you don't understand? We all know what you WANTED him to say. "I want you to want to come home to me and not go mow her lawn." I don't think that there's any conflicting comments that you're going to see on that issue. As far as him wanting to go cut the lawn at his ex-wife's house, I'm sure that's just another obligation he has. If he chose to go spend time with you, then he would have to hear from his ex all the time about why he didn't go take care of her lawn. What if he wanted to be able to relax with you, which is why he chose to go cut her lawn instead? Because he wouldn't be able to relax with you until that lawn was done. Would it be any better if he were with you and his ex was ringing the phone off the hook, pestering him about it?

I know you want to be with him. He wants to be with you as well. But you have to understand that he still has commitments with his family and work.

Answer 7

I think you need to tell him the truth when he's asking for it. And if he still owns a house with his ex-wife and still mows the lawn, there is something going on there. Be careful not to get hurt in the end.

Answer 8

if he has an obligation to mow the yard he has an obligation to mow the yard. It may also help him cope with the loss of a partener.

HOWEVER, the best thing to do is to talk to him about it.

Answer 9

Sounds like you need to be up front and honest and so does he. You wanna spend time with him and he wants to know that you want to spend time with him. Men need there egos stoked every once in awhile...

Answer 10

you need to just tell him straight up "yes come over i want to spend time with you" dont play games to make him mad or to feel guilty. be honest and say what you want