Lying and adultery, separated for 5 mos., getting sick and fed up but don't want to give up on this "marriage"

Question

Click on the link to read my previous post about this

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvXYNJZWIm_.ORq7.de.U7Hsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071023122946AAqaiuK

Thank you for all of your responses. Right now I am feeling quite fed up and just sick and tired of it all. I look and think about what he has done and when we speak and if I bring it up, he doesn't respond to it and seems to deny the whole thing happened (lying, adultery, giving me STDs). Doesn't say "i'm sorry" nothing...but continues to try to find things to make me feel guilty.

He texted me today and one of the texts said "you are so low-down you closed the bank account and didn't tell me (there was nothing in it)" and I texted back telling him what nerve he has saying that when he's the one who had an affair behind my back, gave me and our daughter an STD, forged and cashed my paycheck, doesn't call about the kids, and abandoned his wife and kids for another woman."

then he texted back "they are my kids but you are not my wife because a wife doesn't lie to her husband" and then I texted back back "and why am I being blamed b/c of your guilt, and a husband doesn't sleep arou

and lie about where he's sleeping" He didn't text me back on that. But I called him and you know what gets me if he is so turned off by me why does he still text me back and answer his phone?

This is just making me sick......and I still want to fight for this "marriage" b/c I love him, not b/c I'm afarid of raising 2 kids on my pwn or b/c I'll be alone.

he's believing his own lies that none of it happened, that none of it is his fault, etc. Yesterday I had another papsmear done and found out I have HPV. (from him of course)

I am so sick of this situation that it's making my stomach feel uneasy. I'm going to call him later to tell him that if he wants a divorce so bad, then he needs to take the initiative and do what he needs to do.

Answer 1

we make our own destinies, by the choices we make. u can stay in the marriage, and get more of the same or u can get out of it. don't fear the future it will take care of itself, what u got to fear is staying with a man who disrespects u, cheats on u, i would fear the many years u have ahead of u with this man if u choose to stay in spite of knowing the truth about him. that's much scarier than being by yourself.

Answer 2

I have read your previous post and from the sounds of it, you have given him every chance in the world to see the wrong that he has done. I know that it is easier said than done when everyone tells you to dump him, its apparent you still love this man obviously uncontionally. He has wronged you on so many different levels, that honestly even if you two were to get back together these things would linger in your mind and eventually you may even find it running your life even more than it is now. You have children to care for you don't need an over grown child taking away your undivided attention from the children worrying all the time etc. You are not the one giving up on the marriage even if you file. You has given up on the marriage when he wronged you so terribly bad and wronged the children as well. Remember if you were able to tolerate and go through all this you are a very strong women, very much capable of standing on your own and raising your children to be respectable human beings. I wish you the best, go out live life to the best of your ability. Though you will always in some ways be connected it is honestly time to disconnect from marriage so that you may in the future have a decent frienship for the children.

Answer 3

It sounds as if the shooting has deeply affected him. Has he recieved any counselling over this? Perhaps now he has had to confront the fact that life is transient and can be taken away at any time, he's rebelling in some way. He could also feel that he's not worthy of you anymore.

It could also be that hes just selifish of-course. Either way, talking is the only possible way forward, but you must think of you and the children first. Look after yourself, tell him you don't want to give up, offer him an ear and then let him make the next move. Good Luck.x

Answer 4

the marriage that you don't want to give up on is the one where you live happily ever after, but that is not what you have. If your right arm were infected with a disease that would kill you in time, would you keep the arm or have it amputated to save your life? This is the same thing. You husband is your emotional "right arm" and it is infected and has to be removed.
Once that is done though, you will go on to find someone else who can be there for you and will be as good for you as this man is bad for you and since life is short, the sooner you get rid of this guy and find someone else, the more days and years of happiness you will have. The captain of the Titanic loved his position and loved his ship and stayed with it, but died because of that. Your ship is sinking so don't go down with it. Get off of that and find something that will give you happiness that you deserve but can't even imagine at this point. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 5

Wow! Read through all your drama, and I have to say that you're very ballsy to post all that stuff here and not expect to get some type of negative answer! :-) But you want the truth, so here it goes.

Sometimes there just aren't things that you can do to help other people see that they need to do right by you. All you could possibly do is let him know that you're willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, but that you're going to need more out of him than he's been willing to give in the past. You need him to STOP cheating and to use a codom with you every time from now on because of what he's put you through.

I think you're very smart to know what's what in your life with him, but I think you also have to be very cautious. It's going to take a lot of hard work and determination to make it work, but it is possible. However, there's nothing you can do to make him change--he has to want to change himself. Start by asking him what you can do to make it easier to stay with you all the time. Do you nag? Do you have annoying habits that he can't stand? Find this out and then don't drop everything altogether, but try to find a common ground with him. Compromise is hard to find at times, but not impossible. Best of luck to you both! :-)

Answer 6

You are abusing yourself,by letting this go on ! You have gotten many good answers in the past and you need to listen and move on, it's not a marriage anymore,give up,finally or keep hurting yourself and your daughter,you are a fool if you continue the way you are going,have respect for yourself,pick yourself up,and get on with the living,leave that loser in the past and let the dead bury the dead!

Answer 7

Only you can decide for you. However, if it were ME, I would have filed for divorce the next day.....and in fact had done so about 10 years ago, under similar circumstances (minus the shooting). My ex-husband brought home TWO different diseases before I finally moved out.

If your husband seems so disinterested, why force yourself upon him? He clearly doesn't want what you have to offer.....

Sorry to say, but I would pack his crap, toss it on the lawn, change the locks, and find an attorney ASAP.

Answer 8

relies upon on how plenty you supply your rabbit (if he/she by risk got here across somewhat off the floor it might probable be ok), yet too plenty sugar would certainly supply a bunny issues. It encourages advance of "undesirable" micro organism of their gut (that's why you will desire to cut back fruit). Bunnies do have a heck of a candy the tooth however! stable success!

Answer 9

How painful to know that the person you love is giving all their love time & devotion to someone else. Funny thing is, it's not you that is giving up on the marriage. It takes two to make a marriage work. If you're doing it on your on & by yourself, the marriage can't continue on.

Answer 10

Look girl straight up let this situation go . Its not worth it for you or your children. I'm speaking beacuse I have been in similar situation. He gave you a disease, criticises you for know reason and don't want to sleep with you. waht more do you need to know . Its no going to make it better for your children. At this point he don't careabout you and your situation he is thinking of him self. you need to that you can have better and that someone else is out there that will treat you better with your children.