If you could not have a child with them by ANY means, not even in vitro, adoption, foster care, etc.
Would you leave your spouse if you found out yours was going to be a childless marriage?
2007-10-23 08:54:01 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Not by ANY means. Because just saying "No, I wouldn't leave him. There's always adoption" is no necessarily the same as "I would stick by my spouse even if it meant a childless marriage."
2007-10-23 09:01:01 · update #1
I put the "ANY means" because I want to know how other couples would face not having a child at all. I am aware of the options beyond conception, but that's not what this question is about. If, for whatever reason, YOU could not obtain a child for your marriage, how would it affect your marriage.
2007-10-23 09:12:01 · update #2
This has been interesting comparing these answers to the ones I got when I asked the same question in "marriage and divorce."
On a personal note, I asked this b/c my husband of 5 years and I still haven't decided if we want children. If we found out we couldn't have children, I'm pretty sure we would say, "Oh. Well i guess that's not for us then." and focus on other things for the duration. We enjoy eachother so much, I don't think it'd be hard on us not to have them, but everbody is different.
2007-10-23 09:24:33 · update #3
No, absolutely not. God gave me my relationship with my husband as a gift. And when I married him I promised to God that I would share the rest of this life with him. Anything else is in God's hands. If we aren't meant to have children together then we aren't meant to have children at all. We are as one - if one of us is infertile, we are both infertile. And we will support each other in coping with that.
2007-10-23 09:05:53 · answer #1 · answered by itchy 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sure glad my husband didn't leave me just because I am infertile. He has always only been loving and supportive and has never criticized me for it in any way. He said he would even marry me all over again, knowing that I can't have children. I would do the same for him. It's called comitment and true love. Infertility definitely has the potential to put a huge amount of strain on a marriage if not dealt with. Really, though, do you just marry your spouse for their eggs/sperm? I think there's a lot more to a person than that!
2007-10-23 09:14:31 · answer #2 · answered by Amy B 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would never leave my spouse due to infertility. I know what it is like to be infertile. I have not been able to concieve after over 6 years of unprotected intercourse with my husband, one year of charting ovulation, one laparoscopic laser surgery to remove adhesions due to endometriosis, various infertility consults, and three months of hormonal meds./injections and ultrasounds. My husband and I have decided to forgo IVF. We also have decided the timing is not right for adoption, even though we desperately want a child. I cannot control not being able to have a child or the pain I feel every month due to my disease. My guilt has often lead me to question my husband as it to whether or not he resents my inability to concieve or begrudges me. He flatly and resolutely replies, "WE can't concieve. It isn't just you. We are in this together. I love you and I would still have married you if I had known we would never be able to have a child." So I think to leave your significant other because they cannot have a child is a selfish act to commit against someone who has no control over their infertility. If this is even a question at all then maybe the person doing the asking should never be married in the first place. You learn to live with the cards dealt to you and ultimately once you can begin to focus on the good things in life again, you and your partner will feel whole and be closer for it, as well as learned to find something else to take that place in your life.
2007-10-23 09:09:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. I think you need counselling more than anything. If your sole purpose in marriage is to have children, then you were pretty immature when you got married. You need to accept change, and accept your husband for who he is.
Think about how unimportant and embarrassed he must feel if you have suggested your question to him. I understand your natural instinct most women have regarding children (most want to have a child at some point) and the issues you may feel at a gut level regarding adoption and implantation via another man's sperm. This instinctual feeling is justified in its own way...
but this is 2007.
We don't have to live off instincts like this to survive. There are plenty of children out there and the world could do with a few less babies popping up in my opinion. While it's natural to want a child, in this day and age it is unnatural to feel like leaving your husband is the only way.
You CHOSE to marry him. Now stick with your decision and support him all the way instead of thinking only about yourself. If you're having other issues regarding your marriage that may be making you jump to this conclusion, again I'd suggest marriage counseling.
2007-10-23 10:45:25 · answer #4 · answered by The Loving Addict 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess it would depend on the person. For some people having children is not something they are willing to give up, some people feel like their life is missing something with out a chance to raise a child. And other people, well, they find a way to do without. I'm sure that you could justify leaving them if you want to have kids that badly. I wouldn't give up my kids for anything, and now I can't have any more, and my husband is fine with that.
2007-10-23 08:59:39 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i'm useful happy my husband did no longer bypass away me merely because of the fact i'm infertile. He has continually basically been loving and supportive and has under no circumstances criticized me for it in any way. He mentioned he might even marry me another time, understanding that i'm no longer able to have infants. i might do the comparable for him. this is pronounced as comitment and actual love. Infertility surely has the capacity to place a great number of rigidity on a marriage if no longer dealt with. somewhat, in spite of the incontrovertible fact that, do you merely marry your important different for their eggs/sperm? i think of there is so a lot greater to a guy or woman than that!
2016-10-04 10:53:02 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did not leave my husband when I found out he was sterile. And I have the most wonderful adopted 17 year old son in the entire world....a few years later he left me (after several affairs...to prove his manhood, I guess) and after a remarriage, at age 43..yes... I got pregnant and gave birth to my second son... Everything works out if you are patient.
If the reason you put the "no matter what" no children, invitro, etc.... he is dead set against "raising another man's child"... he will either change his mind...or you will eventually go your seperate ways because he is not meeting your needs, etc.
2007-10-23 09:04:42 · answer #7 · answered by Michele J 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can justify anything you want to, but that doesn't mean it's actually justifiable behavior.
No, I personally couldn't and wouldn't, but that's because loving companionship is more important to me than reproduction. Others may see things from the opposite side of the fence and see no point to being married if you can't have children. It all boils down to what is important to you. The only justification you need is your own happiness in a situation such as this. Who knows, someone that stays in that situation but doesn't want to just may be resentful and drive the relationship apart anyway.
2007-10-23 09:02:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what would stop your spouse from adoption or foster care but if that were the case with me, I would probably have to make the difficult decision to end the marriage. Having a family is important to me and I would hope would be important to my spouse as well.
2007-10-23 08:59:41 · answer #9 · answered by Christy ☪☮e✡is✝ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I wouldn't. If it was true love, that wouldn't matter much to me. I also have an older adopted sister and have seen how my parents can love a child that isn't biologically theirs, so the fact that my spouse was infertile would not matter. That is something that is beyond his control, unlike cheating or whatever other reason there is to file for divorce. I'm glad to say I don't have much experience in the matter of divorcing my husband.
2007-10-23 08:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by Astragalo 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋