Husband smokes weed, is it enough reason for a divorce?

Question

My husband is a-ok EXCEPT he smokes weed every now and then, almost once/twice a day at times.

It really pisses me off because he said he would stop before we had any kids (we just had a baby) and before we moved into our new house.

But he hasn't...

This is his only thing I do not agree with- I am willing to get a divorce but am not sure if it would be wise at this point...

Advice?

If he has alot of it then it becomes 1x/2x a day. If he doesn't buy any, it stretches out to every once in a while when he's with friends, etc.

I've mentioned divorce but he doesn't think I'll follow through and says he is addicted-

"Unwise" would be because we just started out, and this is his only vice and I am not sure if I am just being a picky b$%# about it or am I in the right...

Yup, I have told him to stop and he has done it behind my back (my nostrils smell it a mile away) JUST so I won't say anything about it.

He doesn't act crazy on it, in fact, he acts more content (we, derr on that).

He was an occasional smoker when we met, but actually stopped for over a year and I thought it was a dead habit.

He has NEVER smoked it around the baby or myself. He hides in the bathroom , garage or outside.

Answer 1

This is a good question let me tell you I have dealt with a similar situation and this is what I concluded, smoking isn't as bad as drinking and driving or having an affair I know that doesn't justify that behavior but please try and remember that this is a bad drug and illegal but at least it isn't a drug that he would become dependent on. Take it day by day, this is the problem with us today myself included we think too far into the future or worry too much. Take this one day at a time and trust me if you REALLY loved your husband divorce wouldn't cross your mind. If your husband is a great provider, doesn't let smoking interfere with his career or taking care of you and your children than dont consider leaving him; we as woman are supposed to stand beside not behind or in front of our man. Smoking doesn't make him less of a person but thats his method of relaxing. Find other means for him and REMEMBER HE WILL STOP WHEN HE WANTS TO NOT BECAUSE YOU TELL HIM TO. HE HAS TO WANT TO...

Answer 2

Smoking weed is not the worst thing in the world but, he needs to realize if he gets caught by the police your kid may and or will be taken away. You both could go to jail. He would go because he is the one doing it. You would go because you know that he does it. Your baby will be put into foster care until courts decide where the baby will be best to go. Sometimes they go with family not always. You may never have custody of your baby again. Losing a child is very hard. Mine died of SIDS. There was nothing anyone could do it just happened. I can deal with that. I couldn't deal with knowing that I lost a child over drugs. You have to realize that there is no one else in this world that can protect your babies welfare but you as the parent. I am not saying get a devorce by any means. I would let him know that it is ruining the family and that you are not willing to lose your baby over something as little as drugs. Let him know that you would rather give him up then the baby. He may just need a wake up call. If it doesn't help then you may want to just give him the option of it is either the baby and me or the weed but, not both. I would try this but divorce would be the LAST RESORT. I am not a specialist but this is my opinion.

Answer 3

HELLO! YOUR house, that YOUR kids live in was raided. He does not work, provide, or protect you or your kids in any way! He is not even attempting to keep his vowels. Only you are. I mean, you are the one holding down the fort and risking having your babies taken from you because of your sad excuse fo a husband. Do you have any idea what kind of hell your kids could go through if they were taken away from you? Serious life lasting issues that they will have to deal with for there ENTIRE LIVES! All because you dont have enough balls to get up and go. You obviously Do Not Need Him. Leave. ASAP. You will be happier by yourself at the end. More impotantly, your kids will be better off. Sorry to say, but you can't change him. He will probably have to loose you and his kids before he even realizes how useless he has been. Leaving your love will be the toughest part. Hey, No one ever said being a good mother was going to be easy. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Obviously you are going to get a lot of different opinions on this subject. You will have the people who smoke weed themselves telling you it is no big deal, and the people who don't, telling you to leave. Ultimately the decision is yours!! You have to decide whether or not you can live with it! The chances are pretty good that he will never quit, at least not until he wants to.

I am speaking from experience on this subject. My husband used to smoke everyday. When we had no children I was ok with it, but we both agreed that he needed to stop when we had kids. It didn't happen. In fact, it got worse. He used the excuse "it's the way I relieve stress", so when we had kids the stress increased and so did his use. I spent a lot of my life trying to cover it up, hide it from the kids, and begging him to stop. Nothing worked! I finally realized that I had to change myself because I wasn't going to change him! I sat him down and explained that I was no longer willing to deal with it. I told him that he was a grown man and entitled to do whatever he wanted, but I would not allow my children to be raised in that environment. Once I made the decision to leave, he immediately got help. He has been completely clean for over 5 years now. The sad thing is, I lost all respect for him in the process of dealing with his addiction!! The lies and the desceet that goes along with it is what damages the relationship. If you continue to accept this behavior, it will eventually take its toll on you!! I DO NOT condone divorce, but I do suggest that you set boundaries for yourself and your children and stick to them!! If divorce ends up being the ultimate outcome, then you will be ok. If you allow this, your children will eventually find out and you will have no credibility with them what-so-ever! They could eventually grow up and follow in his footsteps!! That was a possiblity that I feared constantly!!

I wish you luck! It is time to determine what you can and cannot live with and do not waiver from that decision - no matter how difficult it becomes!!

Answer 5

I am in the identical situation as you. But I made it clear he had to do it when no one was awake, never in the day. We live in a state where he can do it for medical reasons, so he has a prescription, otherwise not sure how I'd feel about it. But really, this is your decision alone. People can tell you what to feel. But what do you really want to do? It sucks. You feel betrayed. You don't want your child to do it someday. But also, if you split up, your husband will still do it, and you will have no control over when and where. Just put down some guidelines you can live with. And if he doesn't follow them, then you might want to leave. Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, if your man smokes weed, it could lead to other problems, like arrests for possession and what have you...AND THAT JUST AIN'T COOL when it comes to being someone's daddy, much less a hubby.

I wouldn't divorce straight off, I'd threaten him with getting something you always wanted that he doesn't want you to get....I always threaten my man when he talks about getting a donorcycle by saying okay ...just be prepared to see a little jack russell running around when you get back from the dealer(he doesn't want me to get a dog)

If there's nothing you can think of, I'd start by playing the pity card, you know cry and the like...IF THAT DON'T WORK, I'd ask him to go to counseling for his family and if that don't work then he obviously puts his drug habit before his family.

I wouldn't say it was a huge problem with no kid, but if you have a child, it's not good, not only for the baby, but for stability, if he gets pulled over and smells, the cops will check and he could go to jail or get a hefty fine which is a drain on the finances as well.

Answer 7

It depends on what lifestyle you want to live? Weed smoking daily changes your life, it basically keeps a person in limbo and they dont grow or have any desire to achieve anything but the status choa. If he smokes it around the baby, get rid of him now. If he doesn't then realize you put yourself in danger of losing that child if he is ever caught in posession with the baby and you in the car or the house. It just depends on how much you are willing to risk? Been there, my ex, which is why he is my ex. He smoked it once around the baby and that was IT!! I dont even let him have visitation now because he is still a big pot head, I can tell you it just isn't worth it.

Answer 8

Yes you told him to stop before the kids - if you divorce him for that- then you really dont love him and should get a divorce anyway. I know parents who smoked and their kids didnt find out till they were teens. also the kids didnt end up dumb or anything. I need to smoke weed at least once every 2 days, i consider it much much less bad then a cig smoker who lites up every hour!

Answer 9

It is a bad habit and illegal as well. Was it a habit of his before you guys got married or after? If he's been that way from the beginning why wait until after marriage and after having a baby for it to really affect your life? If you didn't like it from the beginning you should have done something about it instead of letting it go this far. When I met my husband it was his bad habit as well, when I had enough of it, I gave him an ultimatum. It's not the problem of him doing it, it's the amount of money he's spending on it that bothers me. With marriage and raising a child it isn't fair to us and I've had enough of it. I left him alone to make his own decisions, it's something he's done from the beginning I can't change it he has to WANT to CHANGE for himself.

Answer 10

Wow, he is great except for one thing and you want to get a divorce! I think you need to assess your marriage vows, learn to communicate with your husband, and get to work on building a home that is calm and peaceful. Then maybe he will not feel a need for a substance to relax with. Then again you could force the issue and he could quit smoking and go out with the guys for a couple of drinks after work instead.