Me and my girlfriend have been together for the last 2 1/2 years. Granted our relationship hasn't been perfect and I fault myself way more than I fault her. Well last week she decided to end it and just be friends. I'm totally crushed, I don't want to eat anything I'm having trouble sleeping and this is all I can think about. However, she is still spending some time with me or will still talk to me on the phone, for instance tonight were suppose to walk the lake, Friday we'll have lunch, and Saturday I'm going to a wedding with her, and she's going to a game with me. She says she has no interest in me and her right now, and were just going to be friends. If she only wanted to be just friends would she be spending this much time with me right now or even though she denys it, is she giving me the opportunity to show her I do still care about her, and that I want this to work. I really want me and her to get back together, but I just can't tell from these mixed signs what she wants.
2007-10-23 07:00:35 · 23 answers · asked by Advice 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Please I could use some people's advice.
2007-10-23 07:01:54 · update #1
i think the situation needs time and tlc. i was in the same situation, and now ive been married to him for 1year. let her know you care through your actions. once things settle down tell her how you feel. tell her what you did wrong hte first time and how you plan to fix it. hang in there, it will all work out in the long run.
2007-10-23 07:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she doesnt know what she wants. The way she is being must be so confusing for you! I recommend breaking all ties until you can get over the breakup and do some healing for yourself. Maybe after that you can find someone who you will treat better and therefore have a better relationship with. If it is meant for you two to get back together it will happen eventually. Just work on making yourself happy at this point without a relationship. You sound a little co-dependant. Good luck.
2007-10-23 07:08:11 · answer #2 · answered by hair princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she needs a break right now. You need to respect that. Pushing for her to come back will only push her farther away. Just relax and enjoy the time you spend together. Being real mellow right now may make her more comfortable and receptive for when she is ready to talk about it. Whether it works out or not there are plenty of fish in the sea
2007-10-23 07:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by natasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love her, and she doesn't love you in return, even though she did a moment ago. Love is so complicated. Although you are having fun with her, going out and enjoying her company, as friends, can you handle that for weeks, months, years or possibly forever in hope of her falling in love with you again? Or, even if she doesn't, will you be to handle things like her new lover, marriage, etc.?
If you can imagine your current emotional negative condition for a prolonged time and think you can handle it for unknown period of duration, you might be love sick.
Try to project how your future would look by spending time for a set duration (a month or so) with her, to see how you tolerate things.
Just do what she wants and see how she will treat you without trying to determine what is going on with her. If you like it at the end of the month, perhaps there may be something there.
But if you don't like it, just leave; you tried hard.
2007-10-23 07:21:36 · answer #4 · answered by falltowinter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi...
It doesn't sound to me like she wants to end your relationship at all. Any relationship I ever ended, and still wanted to remain "friends", I'd at least give my ex a wide berth for awhile. It's not fair to keep you dangling if she really wants to end it.
You might try telling her you hurt right now, and just don't feel like spending that much time with her, that it's too soon to be "just friends". I frankly don't think it's a good idea for you to spend that much time with her if you have any idea of getting over your pain. At least not for awhile. You need time to heal.
I think I would just tell her straight up...you still care for her and want to be in her life as you have been. She may want more....like marriage. Women as a rule like a more permanent commitment than just being together, especially after 2 1/2 years.
Whatever the case, just tell her, if you haven't already, how you feel. Seems to me she sure wants to spend more time with you than just a friendship. At this rate, you'll be dangling for a long time.
I guess it just depends on how long you're willing to dangle.
Good luck!
2007-10-23 07:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by Barbi T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is spending time with you because she feels guilty about hurting you. Try not to feel so down, look on the bright side - she is still talking to you! When most people break up they hardly ever speak again.
Please eat, you have to for your own good, and im sure she wouldn't like to see you in pain.
However, it is possible she is maybe trying to get you to prove yourself, but dont make any obvious moves, just compliment her alot and be a gentleman. Don't make any moves on her though, after about a week or so, maybe just discuss it with her. You can't just leave it, it needs to be discussed in order for you to either be together again, or move on.
Good Luck, i hope everything works out for you :)
2007-10-23 07:06:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys have been together for the last 2 1/2 years, so you are best friends and it sounds like that is what she is comfortable with.....perhaps your relationship just didn't turn into the type of love that makes a marriage. You can hang onto her in hopes she'll change her mind. It's comfortable for her, but it sounds like it will torment you.....what's right for you?
2007-10-23 07:10:17 · answer #7 · answered by LAL 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is "attached" to you -- or perhaps she is testing you? Maybe she DOES just want to be friends.
Give it a couple of weeks... and after this weekend, do not be so available to her! Let her know you are occupied with other things (even if you are not) when she wants to get together.
And DO find things to keep you busy -- a hobby, friends, etc.
After a couple weeks, see if she wants to reconsider the relationship.
This is not "game playing", but it is giving yourself some time away from each other. You both need time to think.
take care.
2007-10-23 07:08:25 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now, granted she is doing this as a way to give you the opportunity to show her you care, it is manipulative on her part. If she wanted your reassurance she should have been able to talk to you about it. For this reason my advice would be for you to NOT be so available to her. Get busy doing things without her. This will make her uncomfortable and force her to talk to you about the real issues at hand. I believe a friendship is not what she wants, you got to not be so easy to manipulate if you want her to have incentive to give the relationship the respect of honest communication. Best of luck to you!
2007-10-23 07:22:05 · answer #9 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 1st of all if she doesnt want to be your girlfriend anymore why are you both spending so much time together?? werid ok what you should do is cancel all plans with her and go out with some other girl for a change let her know how it feels to feel sad and lonely and trust me she will come crawling back to you once she finds out that you've started dating someone else it sounds like she wants her cake and eat it to but you have feelings too dont forget??? just please take my advice it should work.. good luck.
2007-10-23 07:17:20 · answer #10 · answered by valrietorres 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think what she is doing hanging around you while you are getting through this break up is very considerate of her. Say no thank you to the upcoming outings with her so that you can take some good care of yourself, do other things perhaps with other people, and not be strung along or get false hopes. She really is not very considerate is she?
2007-10-23 07:05:45 · answer #11 · answered by Twiggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋