my husband refuses to read or learn anything.what can i do?

Question

i'm a final year medical student, and 3 months ago i got married to a guy who didn't finish school.

he is now meeting my friends,mostly professionals, but he seems to have communication problem because he doesn't know anything much.he only read news headlines, no books and doesn't even watch the news.

i feel very embarrassed about this, and i think he should read to be able to talk about something.i have asked him to read anything at all, but he gets angry with my advice.
i bought him sports n music magazines,but he just looks at the pictures and considers it "Read".

any advice on how to get him to read?

Answer 1

Why did you marry this man? You knew it wasn't a good match. You're Ridiculous!

Answer 2

Well, I think you need to ask the question: Why did I get married? You knew prior to your marriage that this guy wasn't Mister Intellectual and hopefully you knew prior to getting married that he hadn't finished high school.

Now, examine the answer to the above question. Do you still love him? Is it that important the he become someone different than the man you married? Where you not embarrassed by him prior to the marriage? I think you should re-examine your priorities about your marriage.

There is also another possiblity. He could have a reading disorder (such as dyslexia) that makes reading extremely difficult. Or... he may not be able to at a skill level high enough for him to absorb what he is reading. Many people with Dyslexia or other reading disorders (or low reading skill) don't like to read because they spend all their cognetive efforts on trying to read the word that they can't understand the text.

So... if you love him you need to find a way to help him using a method HE prefers or let him be the man you married (you know, the one that had not finished high school and didn't read much).

Good luck and I hope this helps.

Answer 3

other that leaving him, the only thing you can do is try to encourage him through the things he is interested in. Like if he is good at bowling or golf, help/encourage him to pursue it further, help him to keep up with the stats of professionals in those fields. As far as learning, you married the guy....I know he was like this before. You are the one who is changing.....you are the one becoming a 'professional' while he is still the same guy you met and married. While marriage shouldn't become stagnant, you can't change a person so greatly that he will ever have much to say to medical professionals. I have a masters, yet would feel horribly inept with medical professionals, lawyers, investors, etc.....b/c that isn't in my rhelm of knowledge or concern. He probably feels embarrassed that he is so uneducated around them, thus he doesn't know what to say. So he says nothing or the wrong thing. Maybe you should find a wider circle of friends, some of which share his interests/ background. He is required to change/adjust in the marriage, but you are not entitled to an entirely new, educated man, just because you are now more educated. I know you want him to be his best self, but maybe his goals of himself are not the same as yours are for him. Find his goals, and help him to achieve them. This will make him proud to stand by your side and more comfortable in his own skin. good luck!!

Answer 4

I am going through EXACTLY the same thing. Me and my husband are Pinky and the Brain. It started out as mildly irritating, but as time went on I am starting to think he has severe dyslexia. Little things tip me off like how he can insist we are on E 116th st when we are on E 161st. How he always picks out the wrong thing from the grocery store (like a salmon tv dinner instead of chicken). He grew up in another country, and when he came here he went to a poor school. I was surprised to find out that public schools do not and are not required to test for dyslexia.

So we are talking through it and basically his whole life he has settled for being dumb. Every time I brought up something even remotely educational it struck fear into him. He over compensated by trying to be funny and cute...which is getting old now that he is a full blown adult. He is now admitting the problem and is trying to find a neurologist or somebody to test him...and surprisingly now that he understands the problem he is finding workarounds and learning about things in other ways, taking interest in things like politics and religion and what not. He isn't dumb after all...

Don't listen to these people. You married him for a reason. Who wants to be with someone EXACTLY like them? How boring....

It's ok for MEN to have trophy wives.....lol......

Answer 5

You married him knowing that he was like this. You accepted him the way he was. Why all of the sudden you want to change him into something you want? You should not be embarrassed that he doesn't read and can not keep up with your professional friends you should be embarrassed of yourself by trying to make your loved one do it to make you look good. Just love your husband for the way he is. You should not and cannot change him.

Answer 6

Did he become illiterate in the last 3 months, or did you somehow think he would change as soon as you married him?

You have ZERO right to complain. When you marry someone you accept their shortcomings. Love him as you promised you would only 3 months ago.

If this were a man complaining about his uneducated wife everyone would call him a pig.

Answer 7

You had to know this person's education level and ambtions in life before you married him, and yet you loved him and married him anyway.

Dont' try to change him now, it never works to want to change your spouse to suit yourself after you marry them. Don't ever be embarassed by your husband no matter what he says, does or does not know. My guess is he is proud of you being a doctor. And I am sure he believe his job in life is important too.

You sound as if you married him so he could put you through medical school. If you are truely embarassed by him then leave him and let him find someone who loves him the way he deserves to be loved.

And you should never make him feel like you are ashamed of him. My guess is that he is smarter than you and your professional colleagues in many ways. You just have to see them.

Good Luck

Answer 8

He probably feels intimidated by your new lifestyle and friends. In his eyes, when you ask him to expand his horizons, you are really calling him stupid. There isn't much you can do to help him until he is willing to talk to you about the way he feels. This might be a problem, since it is likely that he doesn't realize himself why he is acting this way. If you can't bear the situation, my best advice is to try and get him to attend couples therapy with you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

It’s next to impossible to get people to read if they don’t want to read.

And I can understand the difficulties this will cause when he’s trying to deal with your professional circles. I’ve witnessed similar type situations when my husband’s middle-aged co-workers bring their newly-acquired, barely-legal trophy wives (whose interests are limited to the latest MTV shows and celebrity gossip) to company parties. It’s always uncomfortable for everyone involved. (and by the way, to date NONE of these marriages have lasted)

BUT, I assume you knew this about him when you married him (if you didn’t then you didn’t know him well enough to marry him), so therefore, you have basically no right to complain about it now.

I think your best hope is to try to get him interested in current events. If he refuses to watch the news, then talk to him about current events at dinner. Surely you can find SOMETHING that will interest him. I have teenage boys and their interests are very limited, but yet I always manage to find some current event that interests them enough for us to discuss it at dinner.

Answer 10

first off, i would say i doubt he quit reading after you got married. if it was that big of a concern to you, maybe you should've re-thought marriage???

maybe try just bringing up current events and stuff like that in daily conversation so he knows what's going on in the world.

also find a book that you think he would like, something that he can relate to and is fun to read.

Answer 11

You chose this man to be with...AS IS. Now that you are all going to be a hoity toity doctor with hoity toity friends, you suddenly want him to read. You can't go and change him now to suit YOUR needs. You either accept him the way he is or you leave the way he is and find someone who is on your more intellectual level. Intellects aren't always what they are cracked up to be...some can be quite boring too.