My wife and I have been together for about a year now, the relationship started off on the wrong foot. A month into the relationship, she tells me that my boss (who is married) was her ex, who is also her boss... This made my work environment very uncomfortable but it also opened up my eyes about his behaviour towards her. I always thought he was very affectionate towards her, yet knowing what I now know. My perception became clearer, he acted that way because he was still interested in her. I mean, if he was married and they had a relationship, why would he respect ours. He has constantly been flirting with her, tapping her nose with paper, pushing her, always staring at her, and he even walks behind her computer to see who she's emailing.
Also, it isn't just him, she told me 4 to 5 months into the relationship that she still had feelings for him. She answered a Yahoo! question stating that she didn't know what love meant up until a couple of years ago, which was the time that she
2007-10-23 06:51:37 · 22 answers · asked by tc 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
was dating him. I mean all of these little signs and nuisinces really add up and put a drain on my feelings towards her. I am putting my all into this relationship and for some reason I dont feel like she is reciporcating.
I tell my wife this isn't appropriate but she tells me he is no longer interested, I think either she is denying the truth, liking the attention, or is just naive.
Do I have the right to feel upset?
2007-10-23 06:58:35 · update #1
I did quit that job already, and yes I do know I might have made a mistake in marrying so early but I really do want to make it work. Thanks.
2007-10-23 07:02:35 · update #2
I have asked her to find a new job but because of her current situation she doesn't have too many options and to fit school into that equations narrows the choices even more. I have talked to her about this repeatedly and I do understand her reasoning but part of me believes she likes it there because of him too...
2007-10-23 07:05:02 · update #3
MWestbrook - Wow, thanks for your input from your personal life I really appriciate it. But her situation differs from yours in one way, she dated a married guy and now I feel he doesn't have respect for my marriage because of their previous relationship. Thanks again!
2007-10-23 07:59:34 · update #4
I myself work for my ex. When I moved back to FL he told me he was interested in starting the relationship again. I on the other hand was not. I met my current boyfriend 8 months later. I was honest with him about my working for my ex and about his interest in me, as he asked, and though I didn't want to plant any seeds of doubt, we have a very healthy relationship and I wanted to be completely open with him. He admitted to me recently that he had reservations about dating me when he'd heard I was working for my ex. I let him know that I have NO interest in my ex. The ex also has many, many lady friends. The thing is this: Your wife was open and honest with you. She did this because she loves you unconditionally and wants complete honesty between the two of you. The fact that she told you she had feelings for her old flame is ridiculous. People are an ex for a reason. Maybe she just meant she cared for him as a human being in general? Hell, if Alex was hit by a plane I'd feel just awful. But I'd never entertain the idea of having a romantic interest in him; when it's over, it's over. It's as simple as that. The working environment you described makes for an uncomfortable situation. In my case, Alex The Ex knows I have a boyfriend with whom I plan to be with forever. I'm certain he isn't completely comfortable with the idea; after all we dated once. But too bad. If he wants me to work for him he will have to respect this. Which he does. However, if my boyfriend ever asked me to quit the only job that pays me ridiculous money for what I actually do and gives me serious time off to take vacations with him (boyfriend) and spend time with my child, I'd do it in a heartbeat to please Robbie (boyfriend.) Your wife, if this working environment is making her uncomfortable, needs to find another job. Plain and simple. The Yahoo answer she gave regarding the understanding of love when she met this other guy some years ago doesn't mean a damn thing. So don't worry. It only means that she didn't know real love until she met that guy. Therefore, she was better to realize that SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!! Good deal. As far as him flirting with her at the office: If Alex The Ex ever did that with me, I'd quit. He's done dumb stuff to be on a friendly level and plays and makes jokes (like hitting me with water) but it's not meant as a flirtation. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with this situation, speak up now. If she respects you (and respects herself) she will find other employment. Good luck!
**Oh I see...Ahh...the plot thickens...I should have read more closely. Tell your loving wife this man DOES NOT have respect for mariage and you being a man yourself, know men are often oppertunistic. Your wife will most likely be faithful to you, should she remain in that position. But you shouldn't believe in happenstance and you should impliment damage control. Her quitting will not eliminate her possibly having an affair with him but it will certainly help the situation not to happen, in the first place! Ask her to quit. See, once you are married, ex flames and potentially dangerous situations are best avoided!
2007-10-23 07:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to be upset. I would sit down and have a serious talk with her about your feelings. Explain to her that something needs to be done about this either she pull away from this man by not flirting back and even telling him that is makes her uncomfortable or that she look for a new job. You are absolutely right if he had a relationship with her while he was married he won't respect your marriage and you may even need to think a little more into it b/c she may not respect your marriage neither if she took his marriage so lightly. If she loves you and wants your marriage to work then she should be willing to do this. But the key here is that you explain your feelings about this to her in an accusing manner and that you try to make her understand how she would feel if she were in your shoes.
2007-10-23 07:03:32 · answer #2 · answered by misbotta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, you have every right to be upset for goodness sake. You need to drop her like a bad habit. You shouldn't put up with that for a minute. She stays at that job because she wants too, if she really cared about your feelings and her marriage she would find a way to get a new job maybe put the education on hold for a semester, she would do whatever it takes. It doesn't seem like thats what she wants to do. You guys are supposed to be a team and it seems like your the only one putting in the effort. Shame on her for even putting you in that type of situation and not even trying to correct it.
2007-10-23 07:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by MJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-09 07:18:41 · answer #4 · answered by larrinaga 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you. I'd be upset too. Your wife and her ex still want each other. Their working together is not good for your marriage because they both feed on seeing each other. The best thing you can do is both quit the job and move far enough away that they can't see each other any more. Otherwise your marriage is doomed.
2007-10-23 06:59:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She shouldn't have married you if she still had feelings for him. Of course you have the right to be upset with her, both for the fact that she has feelings for someone else when she is married to you, and because she wasn't upfront about it with you about it before you got married (assuming this to be the case).
You should seriously consider whether or not you made a mistake and talk with her about this situation thoroughly.
2007-10-23 06:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by btpage0630 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you should be upset and you need to sit her down and tell her to either end it with the boss, and act like a employee or get another job or you want out so she can have a man that will never want her like you do and be there for her like you are
2007-10-23 06:56:21 · answer #7 · answered by switchmistress 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop over analyzing the situation.
Tell her to find a different job - period. She can make pretty decent money as a waitress even, so there are no excuses about not quitting.
2007-10-23 07:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to be the third wheel in a marriage let her learn the hard way that not only will he not leave his wife, but you won't be around for her to fall back on.
2007-10-23 06:56:58 · answer #9 · answered by jay k 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all if you are upset then you have that right to be upset, you don't need anyones approval for you to be upset. Secondly, Hell yeah, I'd be upset too. Maybe its time for you to talk to her about her relationship with her boss now. I hope you weren't the rebound guy.
2007-10-23 06:57:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋