Is my wife still there?

Question

How do you get your wife to fall back in love?
We've grown comfortable in our relationship. So much so that she never leaves me notes anymore. She never looks for sex.
She plans activities that never involve just she & I.
If I didn't talk to her for an entire day I doubt she'd raise a fuss.
What's left to try?

I need a companion so bad it hurts. I don't want another woman but I can't make her show more care.
Am I stuck in this situation for the rest of my life?
How many of you feel the same?
Please tell me I'm not alone.

I've had this talk with her and she sees no problem. Notes and letters get little to no feedback.

Thanks to you all. I had no idea so many people would answer.
I do the notes the flowers & all but it don't seem to be what's needed.
Sex used to be daily a few years back. Now it's once or twice a week.
I wish I knew more men that felt like this.
It would help me cope.

Answer 1

She's taking you for granted!I tell you with my own experience that dropping subtle hints won't work, pleading, getting angry won't work either.Ignore her & flirt with her friends.If you have children make sure they are on your side by caring for them.Pay her back in the same coin.As they say in urdu indifference hurts far more than hate. So be indifferent to her.Ignore her & if you can't ,practice,practice!!!!!.Just let go of her.Believe me it is really tough but the ONLY solution to your problem.

Answer 2

Well, remember this is a 2-way street.... what have YOU done to make things romantic between the 2 of you?? Usually when I feel that my partner isn't paying as much attention to me I tend to withdraw, so he will get the hint and will come back to me...... WRONG. I read an article the other day and it's a mistake. This only makes the gap bigger. I'm not saying you have to grovel while she plain ignores you, but she may have noticed that the nice gestures have also disappeared from your end...?? Do YOU ever leave her notes? Help her around the house? Bring her flowers or some treat she really likes from the store? Have YOU planned activities for the 2 of you?? How about surprising her with a night out, a romantic dinner, a night at a hotel room with jacuzzi? Not talking to her for an entire day isn't the solution because, as you said, this might not catch her attention and it will only push her farther away from you. Just show her your love and affection, that you WANT and need to be closer, that you miss those times when you romanced each other. She will then feel motivated to do something herself too -- and if she doesn't, then it does mean she isn't that into this relationship anymore. Just remember that we all (men & women) need motivation to show our love, we cannot show love if we don't feel loved and appreciated first. I know you're not feeling motivated to be sweet yourself, but if you're so concerned you will have to make the first step this time. Let's see what her response is and then you can go from there..... good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry that you are going through this and feeling lonely. Too many people are quick to say, leave find someone else. Divorce is not the quick fix. Unfortunately after people have been married a while, they become comfortable and lose the "romantic" side of themselves that helped win the mate in the first place. Why is it your wife's responsibility to create the romance you desire? Take action. YOU plan something together. YOU leave her notes and initiate the romance. Talk to her and let her know how you are feeling. Tell her you want to rekindle the passion that you two once felt for each other. Most women would jump at the chance to have more romance in their lives. Maybe she is just caught up in daily life, job, paying bills and responsibilities. Talk to her, and together I'm sure you two can work something out. A lot of couples plan a date night once a month with just the two of them. Maybe you could do something like that.

Answer 4

Because you are the one hurting it probably feels like she should be reaching out, not you because she probably knows how important she is to you. First things first, Sometimes Men and Womens sexual desires can be on totally different planets, usually with men wanting it much more. That doesn't mean that she doesn't love you only that her needs are just different. As for Romantic jestures. I think that you should shower her with the things that you want. Maybe, when she gets home or after the kids are in bed if you have them, make her a bubble bath complete with candles and wine, tell her that tonight is not about sex rather about reminding her how much she means to you, pull out old pics, home movie, things that may make her reminisce about how you two fell in love, get her laughing, after a few nights of this maybe arrange a couples massage for the two of you, talk to her tell her that you know that she loves you too and that you would just like for the two of you to start taking time for each other, like your getting to know each other all over again, dates, flowers, romantic dinners, etc. What woman could resist these things and before you know it she'll be back in your arms. Don't attack the way she has been, this will only drive her further from you, and maybe buy her a cool toy, and help her use it.......which will lead to your satisfaction as well...but, don't do this until you've done some of the other or she'll think it's just about the sex. I hope it all works out for you, and that she realizes how lucky she is to have a man that loves her so.

Answer 5

I was just like your wife. 2 years ago. We had gotten into the same old routine,like thursday meant spagetti. You are going to have initiate activities. Send some flowers for no reason. surprise her with a picnic. A foot rub. without wanting her to return the favor. My life was so boring plus some other problems until we stop talking and finally for the last 2 years, I slept on the sofa. I filed for divorce. So listen make some changes do what ever it was you did when you met her Make her fall in love with you all over again.. I wish you the best. If she is still there she's waiting for you to do something .

Answer 6

Hi there,

If I were you, I would plan something very special for the two of you. A couple nights away. Pamper her and write her a love letter telling her she is the love of your life. Start doing special things for her. Sometimes when you stop doing those things, she will too. Have you gained a lot of weight? Perhaps start working out, change your look for her. Also, go to a good church and seek some counseling. A Christian non-denominational church. God designed marriage to be wonderful and it can be! Don't hold back and SHOW her how much you need her and want her. She may need it more than you know. Find out what her love language is. Bring her flowers. Talk with her. Start planning trips and special things together.

Answer 7

Here's a suggestion: romance her without her knowing it. Many couples have the same problem as you. Tell her to set a date that you reserved for just the two of you.

Then plan an evening that includes something that you both like: a baseball game, tickets to a show, a night at the beach. After, take her to dinner, buy her something she truly loves (a necklace she's been wanting or something else). Take her a nice hotel, away from family or kids, outside of your usually life. Have a nice setup with flowers.

Just show her that you love her and that you enjoy spending time with her. This will remind her of how much she loves being with you.

Answer 8

You are not alone, no!

Maybe the pepp is missing. Maybe both of you need to get out of your comfort zones and do something really crazy challenging. If can give you a suggestion, plan a getaway with your wife, make it a surprise for her in an exotic place, or take up Safari or something. You know best, because you know your wife best.

Don't forget to have fun sometimes!

God luck!

People take good relationships on hold or take it for granted thinking it always gonna stay like that no matter what. Sometimes it takes your initiative to do something about it.

Answer 9

Please keep in mind that it takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to keep a marriage alive...it wasn't just your wife that allowed the romance to fade away...you let it fade also...and now you want it back...so go after want you want...how did you get your wife in the first place...YOU ROMANCED HER...well what r u waiting for instead of sitting on the computer you should be planning romantic dinners for 2...why does she have to do the planning? How about sending her flowers with a romantic I love you note for no reason....draw her a bubble bath after the kids go down to bed then slip in and join her....come on man use your imagination and romance your wife all over again...make it fun....why can't you leave her little notes?....why does it have to all be her?.....turn the tide...if then she doesn't come around then you do need to sit her down and talk to her and tell her how lonely you feel...and ask her what the problem is...two people can grow apart...but just like that they can get back again...give it some time and effort...best of luck to you!

Answer 10

I agree with most everyone, except the ones that say to leave and move on ..that doesn't help or solve anything ..

But I'd say ask her. Say I feel this this and this from you .. if you've been married for a while .. she'll know .. have you point blank asked her why?! Communication is never easy and if you haven't kept it is harder the longer you are married ..

No magicial answer here .. depends how much you want to put into it and make it work ..

Good luck!

Answer 11

If she's happy the way the marriage is, then you can't expect her to do anything. It's up to you. You plan special times for the two of you and surprise her. Treat her like you did when you were dating. Who knows if it will change anything but it's worth a shot. And even if it doesn't change alot between you two it will add some enjoyment to your life. Maybe if you add activities to your life, maybe week-end get aways, special trips or dinners...just something different....it may work. Try it!