i know most men fantasize about girl/girl action...my husband included. now, i am not willing to engage in a threesome because it would hurt me too much as i am already insecure enough as it is. now, he has enough sence not to ask me for one but i know that if i voluntereed he would be all about it. so, i now feel like im not enough for him and even though i've always been extremely sexual and open minded when it comes to everything else...now i've pretty much lost interest in sex because i feel like i'll never be able to satisfy him on my own...and he'll always feel like he's missing out on something. this is really killing me and i have no idea what to do. i mean, i guess i can just accept that i'll never be enough or leave him so he can feel free to have as crazy and fulfilling a sex life as the men in the porn's he watches does. men, do you have any advice?
2007-10-23 06:14:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i can completely understand how you, the sad part is, there is nothing you can do about the way you feel or what he wants. i guess men really dont care how much they destroy our self-esteem. maybe we should say to our men: my fantasy is having a life with a successful guy with a big house and big car, since men have more insecurities with being successful. wonder how they would like it if they live a life knowing they never ever meet our dreams and that we admire other men that have what we want.
2007-10-23 06:31:32 · answer #1 · answered by not this way 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't pull your hair out... There is nothing wrong. I'm sure your husband loves you and enjoys sex with you to the fullest. Men - even simple-minded men - know the difference between real life and fantasies. Threesomes belong to the realm of fantasy, that's the sort of thing he may want to watch in a porn video or dream about, but it's not for real life. If you are smart enough to let him escape to the fantasy world now and then you don't have to blame yourself for depriving him of anything. Even if he brought the topic up with you (as in "wouldn't it be nice...!") he doesn't need it. Just tell him that you wouldn't feel comfortable with another woman around, and I'm sure he'll understand and will be happy with what he has got (as well he should be!)..
2007-10-23 13:26:38 · answer #2 · answered by cyranonew 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fantasies are harmless. Don't you have some of your own? Make a deal with your husband. You will encourage him to share his fantasies and will role play with him, but you want to take turns. And it's just fantasy. You both agree that none of this will really happen. Is your fantasy two guys? Your friend's cute husband? The pool boy? Think what fun it will be to be really uninhibited with your husband. This could be a good step forward for your marriage. If he's not comfortable with this, then back up and set some boundaries that apply to both of you. No fantasies about other people? No threesomes? Whatever you are both comfortable with.
2007-10-23 13:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by TG 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Ella, he wouldn't have married you if you weren't "enough" for him. From an experience point of view, my wife and I have been swinging for years now, and it is by no means "replacement" sex because we aren't "enough" for each other. In fact it's quite the opposite. We have a very good and abundant sex life together. For us adding others to our sex play is simply additional sex. We both turn each other on like there is not tomorrow, we don't need sex with others, we like to include others. It really is that simple.
I know that if my wife lusts another man or woman it is just that: lust. I know I am more than enough for her and it never has been a question of being "enough" for each other, it's not better sex with others, it's just different. That's all.
So don't worry that you aren't enough. It's normal to fantasize, I'm sure you've done it yourself and your husband isn't always the one your fantasy revolves around. He's just expressing a fantasy to you and the fact that he wants to share it WITH you. And it's just that... a fantasy. It doesn't mean you ever have to do it, but by listening and not being mad at him for having this fantasy and being honest with you, you will make your place in his heart even bigger. If you recoil like it sounds like you have you could push him away instead of draw him nearer.
2007-10-23 15:11:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, RELAX. C'mon, you ladies completely overthink these things. YES, a lot of us men would LOVE to see you with another woman, but it does NOT mean that you aren't "enough" for us, or that we don't love you. It just means that we would love to see it. The main problem that I have with men who want this fantasy are the guys who would not allow their wives/gfs to have a threesome with two guys. We can't be so hypocritical. The simple fact is that if you aren't comfortable doing anything like that then he has to respect that. If he loves you then he will do it. Don't indulge or tease him on this fantasy though. If you don't want it then don't mention it or just tell him that you know how much he would like it but you are not going to do it. It doesn't mean that he will be dissatisfied with you and go off to find some woman who will. Have you and your husband ever talked about your fantasies? Do you have any? Maybe yours is to have one with two guys, and you can compromise that you will give him his if he will give you yours. It is all up to you. Only do what is comfortable for you and then for the both of you together. Just relax and have fun though.
2007-10-23 13:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by No one 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Swirl
Porn is definitely has on affect on a man's sexual expectations.
He then expects his sexual partner to deliver the type of sex that is scripted & practised, not passionate & spontanious.
Get him off that sh*t
Porn has always been about male satisfaction only with no regard to women.
Fantacies are good but they must remain just that & only become a reality if both parties agree.
Cheers
B.
2007-10-23 15:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by Bruinou B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, here's your free advice. Your insecurities are wedging their way inbetween you and your partner. They are building up a wall between you both and creating problems in your sex life. Go seek therapy and work out your issues for the sake of your own personal sanity as well as your marriage. If your low self esteem doesn't kill the relationship through sex, it will certainly do it in another part of your relationship.
2007-10-23 13:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know why they are called fantasies? Becasue they are idea's that people know will more than likely never happen. Your husbands fantasies are just that, he loves you and he would have never married you if he wanted a wild crazy sex life. He married you for stability and love, he probalby enjoys that sex that you have. Don't worry, your husband loves you the way you are and respects how you feel.
2007-10-23 13:20:05 · answer #8 · answered by Buggy Jean 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I want to a batchelor party and the groom was tied in a chair and blindfolded and told to be ready for some same sex action. Naturally he was expecting girl on girl but to his suprise his future wife set up a man on man action. He had to sit throught it all.
2007-10-23 13:21:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not comfortable with it you should not do it. Simply as that. It will eat at you after the fact.
Just because he WANTS that doesn't mean he'll be miserable without it. I want a Ferrari. But I am not unhappy because I don't have one.
2007-10-23 13:20:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋