What would you Do if your husband ask you?

Question

I have been happily married now for 8 years,My husband and I have a very active sex life.The other night we were talking and my husband asked me if I would consider going to a swingers party.I have never thought about sleeping with another person since we have been married.I know he is very curious about the lifestyle,he said that if I said no that would be the end of the subject and he wouldnt ask me again.The thing is I am not sure what to do.I am a little curious about it but just dont think I could sleep with another man.And if I say no will he go behind my back.

Answer 1

Trust is the hardest thing to get and the easiest thing to lose.I would sit down with him and talk it over.Communication is the answer and a open mind.Tell him how you feel and hear his side.Discuss the pro and cons of the matter and take in consideration that he asked you how you would like it.He didnt say lets go now he whats to know you feeling on the matter.Listen to what your heart is saying and tell him to do the same.Also find someone who is in the lifestyle and have a chat to them they might be able to tell you what to expect at a party.But don't do anything in the fear of him going behind your back as I think if he was going to do that he wouldn't of ask you how you would feel about going to a party.Also there are other ways to look at how you would feel try a little roleplaying in the bedroom it might answer both of your questions on how you would feel.

Answer 2

I've always wondered about the swinger's lifestyle also; however, I could never actually go to a swinger's party because I think marriage is based off two people and that does not involve having sexual relations with other people. I don't think it's a good idea because you never know if he or you might form an emotional tie to someone you meet or even sleep with. I would stay away from that and just ask your husband if there is anything else you can do to spice up your sex life.

Answer 3

I know hard this is for you sweety I really do.We are a married couple of 12 years and also active swingers and have been for 5 years so it can work but only if both of you are 100% certain you are ready for this step.If you have any doubt at all in your mind dont do it.I was the one who asked my husband to try it and it was hard for me to do so as well.So your husband would of been just as scared as you are now to ask you.It is a lifestyle that is not for everyone and there are alot of people who will say it is a sin it not what marriage is all about and so on.But the thing is it is your marriage and your life so you must do what you want to do.There are places out there that allow first timers in and they are well looked after in a safe enviroment.You dont need to do anything if you dont want to.As for if your husband will go behind your back him asking you is enough for me to say he wont.He was open with you now you be open with him.If swinging isnt the answer there are many other thing that can aid you both.If you would like to chat more feel free to email me.
Jill

Answer 4

My wife and I have been swingers for about four years now. We were very happily married and had an abundant and great sex life before we got into swinging. We were both secure in ourselves, in each other, and in our value and worth to each other, therefore we were very secure in our relationship.

Because of this we were able to openly and honestly discuss our deepest sexual fantasies without fear of the other becoming jealous or feeling hurt or like they weren't "enough". When we did, we discovered we both had some very similar fantasies, many of which required more than two people in the room to accomplish. LOL

Now just because you go to a swingers party or a swingers club doesn't mean you have to have sex with anyone. In fact, many don't. Some people just like the adult and sexually-charged atmosphere which gets them worked-up and they go home and have great sex together.

You'll also find that 99% of swingers would never pressure you to do anything you weren't comfortable with. They were once "exploring" swinging and the parties themselves and know how you feel.

Swinger clubs are allot like regular night clubs you've always gone to, with a bar, tables, dance floor, sound system, DJ, etc, except their clientele is adult married couples instead of college-age singles. Some are even regular night clubs that close down to the public a few nights a month to host "couples nights". These are known as "off-premise" clubs since just like in any night club, if you find someone you want to hook-up with you have to take it off-premise to a hotel or home. Some states have "on-premise" clubs that are just like the off-premise clubs except they have both public and private rooms where you can go to have sex with just your spouse or with others if you please.

Swinger house parties are just like any other house party you go to with friends except again, there is places the host will provide to go and be alone with your spouse or another couple if you like. In our experience there is allot more standing around and talking and drinking than there is sex at these parties, though. But the flirting is in high gear!

Basically these clubs and parties are like any other non-swinger event except IF you found someone you had chemistry with and IF you wanted to hook-up with them, you could IF you wished. It's definitely not like what you see in porn or what most people think it is. It's not a non-stop orgy. I think most people would be disappointed if they actually went and that is what they were hoping for.

So I say go and check one out. You don't have to have sex with anyone. It's not like that at all.

Now would your husband go behind your back? I bet he wouldn't. Any person that really loves someone would listen to why they want to go and the other would listen to why they don't want to go, and they'd meet somewhere in the middle. It's called communication.

Be proud your husband trusts you enough to even broach the subject, most wives would freak-out from jealousy.

For some really good information from actual swingers and those just thinking about it like you, check-out The Swingers Board. You'll find lots of advice there from people in the know.

Answer 5

well..that's quite a dilemma. The most important thing is: Do YOU want to do it? If you are curious and willing to experiment, then ok. If that will put you in an embarrassing situation then not.
There is no guarantee that he will do it behind your back as you need two for that. You can't do it if you don't have a partner from what i've heard. I don't think that he's been cheating on you as he's asking you up front. If he wants to be with somebody else he probably will no matter if you agree on trying it out. Just think for yourself in this case. Would you enjoy it?

Answer 6

We are active swingers and enjoy the swingers lifestyle.but its not for all you have to be 100% certain its what you want.If you have any doubt dont do it.Talk it over with your man and listen to what he has to say and if you need to find out more look in your local area for a swingers group.they will help you.Look swinging isnt all about sex like most think it is, we are very social as well not all our parties a sexual ones.We welcome first timers and never are you made to do anything you dont want to do.No means no and it is a life style based on trust and respect.You never no he might be all for it now and when it comes to it he the one that will change his mind.

Answer 7

well I don't think its wise to dabble in that at all......I know people do it all the time but one thing...you say "I have never thought about sleeping with another person since we have been married. I am a little curious about it but just don't think I could sleep with another man." well how are you feeling about your husband of 8 yrs sleeping with another woman????? I wouldn't do it and if you are worried that he might go behind your back and cheat on you...cause its not swinging if your not involved as well, than its called cheating...than you must talk to your husband about how you feel...if he is for real when he says end of subject if you say no than you should trust his word and if you don't than you have a trust issue that should be addressed...

Answer 8

If you say yes but don't mean it, that would be the worst thing. Because what happens after that? You get tired of it and ask him to quit. But he has already had a taste of the forbidden fruit and will want more.

Just let him know it is something you currently have no interest in but might consider later on in the future. Honesty is best in relationships.

Answer 9

I would be so mad at my husband for putting me in a situation, I didn't want to be in. That's where you are now. You feel like you have to do something you don't want to do, because your worried about what he'll do, if you say no.
First of all, ask him why he would put you into this situation. Second, ask how this could have any benefit to your relationship.
God forbid, you get pregnant, and don't know exactly who's the father.
So ask some tough questions, because this has a high possibility of ruining your life together.

Answer 10

It's a matter of trust - do you think we will go behind your back?
If you are curious - go check it out - you don't have to sleep with someone. But beware of the pitfalls. What if you like it and he doesn't? What if he likes it and you don't? Make sure you talk about everything - before, during and after. Open communication is the only thing that will make it work.