Why would she want to be gansta?

Question

my daughter who is 16 yrs old, intelligent & pretty. She is always talking in slang, telling everyone she is a gangsta, We are middle class, more like low middle class family, we do have a comfortable home, two parents that work. We love and take care of our children. I get so upset with her, because she has no idea that there are families that live everyday with the gangster life and they don't think that is so glamourized. How can I make aware of the way it looks, and how stupid she is acting. I don't think it is funny to think that you would want to live like that if you had the chance not to. I have struggled my entire life to do the best I can with what I have. I want my children to have more and do more so their children can be better and so on. It seems to me I have raised a daughter that wants to be on drugs, live with the thugs and welfare is great to be on.

Answer 1

at 16, she is still finding herself? it is an awkward time in her life when social networking, rebellion, independence, and downright "fitting in" are the most important things in her life. unfortunately for a loving parent, such as yourself, hanging out with and communicating with parents aren't "hot." the music that she and her social group listen to have a high impact on her dress and behavior. she is imitating her favorite art and artists. and although, she may not have been brought up with inner-city struggles, to tell her otherwise will only distance yourself further from her. Because by doing this, you are invalidating her perceived reality.

as you are already aware, mainstream music (movies/tv shows) often openly touch on the use of illegal drugs or portray violence. but it is impossible to shield them from this. my advice is to stay attentive to her behavior, without violating her personal space, and avoid speaking condescendingly of her social circle or their perceived struggles. To be honest with you, it's gonna suck, but if you truly are a good parent, the basic lessons you have instilled on them will guide them through difficult decisions. I'm sure she will grow out of it within a couple years. just keep reminding them time and again, college is the next step after highschool. that's where they really see all different walks of life.

Answer 2

Unfortuantely she sounds young and therefore is insecure and trying to belong somewhere. It's a shame because a lot of these kids that are insecure are the ones that get taken advantage of by these gangs. If I were you, I would really get involved and do whatever you have to do to stop this before it gets out of hand. I probably don't have to tell you about really what goes on, and if you want to save your daughter from jail, or worse..death, I'd take time off work, get her therapy, have her change schools or even go as far as moving to a completely different neighbourhood. I've been around the block and I know what's out there in the gang life.. drugs, guns, death, rape, prostitution, and some of the worse things you can think of. Gangs are not clubs and the thugs in these gangs have such a low respect for themselves, let alone the women that they intice to hang with them and do their bidding. If you need help, let me know..I'd be happy to make some calls and get her started in a better direction. Good Luck and sorry for the honesty but I think it is very important that you know exactly what you're dealing with here. D'n'D

Answer 3

It could be a phase, it could not be. At that age, teens go through many phases and they all depend on the people around them. Do you know who your daughter is hanging out with? Make sure she doesn't have any friends that might be a negative influence. You should keep tabs on your daughter as much as possible (without annoying her too severly) so you know that she's NOT getting involved with drugs. Another thing to consider is that, maybe it's just a joke. I know some kids these days just call each other "Gangsta" or even the N-word as "jokes." Some people simply try to act "ghetto" as a way of making fun of it. So either your daughter REALLY wants to be like that, or not. Talk to her and find out what's going on in her life. (Does she have new friends, a new boyfriend, are her grades dropping? Those can be signs of trouble.) However, if she's NOT doing anything that could endanger her, then you should just let her be. Children need to express themselves, as long as they are safe.

Answer 4

What are her friends like? If she's only "imitating" the thug or gansta lifestyle I say take her to an area that is really thug or gansta & have her volunteer in a soup kitchen or shelter.

I can't say I have an answer. I don't think this is something that has sprouted up overnight. It sounds like you give her way too much. She takes for granted what it means to have a roof over your head, food in the fridge & all the bills paid. Stop giving her an allowance. Make her earn her money. I wish you luck. At 16 she's young but a lot of her ideas are already formed. You can't undo 16 years of psychology. Psychology is an idea. Perhaps family counseling is in order?

If your daughter REALLY is into the lifestyle she could get caught up in drug running & wind up in jail. You really need to have a talk with her. Realize that her choices are her choices you can't fix her.

Answer 5

Well first off I think your daughter needs to learn some self respect. It's not cool to butcher the english language, get addicted to drugs, abuse women, or kill police. Show her that by buying into this nonsense she is only letting guys know that the message of treating women as property is just fine by her.

I think that because all her needs have been met she doesn't realize the struggle you have been through to make this life possible for her, to keep her out of the ghetto and off welfare, share your experiences with her. My parents both grew up in poor families and struggled to do better for their children

My mother once shared these words of wisdom with a girl in a similar situation: "Are you trying to be the best trash you can be?". Well... maybe that's not really helpful, but it was really funny.

Answer 6

Give her a reality check. Does she really want to through her life away. She's 16, she's trying to find a way to pretty much piss you off. This is her way of sending a message or just fighting for attention. Some teenagers cut, some wanna be gangsta, some get piercings, some get tattoos. It's a way of rebelion and attention. What can I say other than hope it's a fad that she'll get over.

Answer 7

Because your daughter is watching too much TV and buying inot the pop culture like most kids her age do.

There are all kinds of things you can try but nothing is going to work until she gets it thru her head that that life is not cool
If you got time take her to a place that treats kids hurt in gang violence and then she can see how much fun it is to be a gansta. Guns shot wounds tend to turn people off.

Also teenagers know everything and youre a just some stupid adult that has no clue.

There is no quick fix and no easy answers. Lts of time patience and understanding

Answer 8

this is a tricky situation, you must be wondering how to 'draw the line'? Sometimes parents of teens cant do right for doing wrong? I think given that your daughter has had a good upbringing and environment, it may be wise not to let your fear known too much, and i think to take an attitude, slightly amused and that youre taking it for granted that she will grow out of it would be a good thing. Explain, without criticism that you understand that she may find it exciting, and that you like her, obviously sympathise, but that that is the way life is, ppl are lucky in different and individual ways. Teens are known to be rebels, and it is important that you let her know in a non confrontational way, what you expect from her re; her future ambitions/aims

Answer 9

Very interesting. I think she's just going through that phase of being trapped between 2 worlds. She is in both the world of being a intelligent girl and wanting to be with the "crowd" that appears to be cool. I recently had a friend's younger brother go through that type of experience of being in 2 worlds. He was a student who was well active in school, but he was also hanging with those "gangsters" etc. Unfortunately, he was recently shot and killed at the age of only 17. I'm almost 21 now and I'm pretty sure I went through that stage. I wanted to be one of THEM. The only way I can think of letting her know is just telling her. She either listens or she doesn't. Its sad to say that its just one of those things she'll learn on her own. Your daughter can choose her actions, but not her consequences and I think that's what you have to make her realize.

Answer 10

Hopefully your daughter is going through a faze. I would not force either way on her. She is learing who she is and isnt. I would guide her against drugs definitely and just be supportive.

My best friend lived in the projects. As we grew up, we went our different ways. I am now in college and I am trying to enourage her to do the same. I would not take my past away for anything. I believe it has made me who I am, and I will be able to help other young girls who are in their teens; because I can relate and understand.

Your daughter is having fun. She enjoys her friends. Just make sure she is safe and have her friends come to your house so you can meet them and they will be in your supervision most of the time.

Try to enourage activities like movies instead of her standing out in the streets. My Dad use to drop me off or let me get the car and we went to concerts and all that. Those were the days. A lot of things could have happened (bad) to us. A lot of things went on we had no business doing, like drinking and older guys.

Most people will prob say it is a phase or you need to change her friends. Definitely if it is illegal do so, but otherwise, she is around who she relates to. Higher class girls are not what she is relating to and she doesnt have anything in common with them. I am still that way to this day.

I am rambling...but I wish you the best. Please make sure she is not having sex with whom and what ever....some of the phase could be that she is looking for attention and it usually comes from sexy older guys. Sorry but true.