Do you think its wrong for a couple to split bills down the middle in todays times?

Question

Its not 1950 anymore and today both parties need to make that ends meet I believe.. Im not rich yet! The cost of living in California is rediculous So I ask my fiance' for $320.00 a month to help things run smoothly around the house.. I dont think im asking for much. She makes about $1000.00 a month while going to school full time. She has $680.00 to herself that I dont touch or ask for anything She complains.

More over I dont believe in women living off of men .. Even when Im rich my wife will work and contribute cause thats the way I was brought up. I think relationships are teams.. and I dont spend a dime without discussing it..

Am I asking for to much?

Foxymor.. My Woman is in Nursing School and we both clean house wash dishes , cook, and take care of our daughter.. Im not above none of that.. When I come home its my shift to take care of my daughter while mommie is off to school. and on the weekends im daddy fulltime all day cause mommie is at work. I do my part.

$320.00 is for frills and thrills.. I pay all the bills everything... Food is on the table rent is paid we have internet super high speed cable.. High Definition television service and can call all around the world when she wants cause I pay for the best of everything so we can live comfortable and extra stuff.. like movies , dinner out and even gifts I really cant do cause Im doing it all around the house so her and my daughter can be comfortable during the day.. I dont think its much to ask for $320.00

Answer 1

I completely agree that there has to be a contribution from each side! Unfortunately, however, 50/50 doesn't always make the most sense. I think the best way to determine each person's input should come from a percentage. Here's an example:

X makes 60,000 annually
Y makes 40,000 annually
Combined income = 100,000

So X brings in 60% of the combined income and Y brings in 40% of the combined income.

Tally up your monthly combined living expenses (rent, groceries, utilities, insurance, etc). (I would not include personal credit card payments or student loan payments here. Just do COMBINED fixed expenses) Then, once you have the total, X should contribute 60% of the total and Y should contribute 40%.

Just for example, say total monthly living expenses were 2500. X Would pay 60% (1500) and Y would pay 40% (1000).

I think that is the most fair way possible to split up living expenses with your partner. Hope it works out for you!!

Answer 2

How a couple runs their finances is entirely their business. Many people choose to divide everything right down the middle. I don't think $320.00 a month is an unreasonable request since she has $680.00 left to do whatever she wants with at the end of each month. I have been a single parent for the majority of my children's life's and I have never had that much money left to spend any way I chose to. You don't want to get in a feud with her, but she needs to understand that if she were living on her own, she would not have all that money left over to do as she wants with. There is just one thing I would like to add. You mentioned that you do your share to help with your child and household chores. Since she pays her way, then you should help with 1/2 of all chores. Men often don't think about how much it would cost them if they had to hire someone to clean house, cook meals, do laundry, do the grocery shopping, watch the children...and the list goes on. You are talking about having to put out BIG money to pay someone to do all those things, so in a sense, the woman that doesn't get help in all these areas is earning her keep and then some.

Answer 3

When she complains about the $320 to help things run more smoothly, does she make animal noises or whining noises like children make? Or does she say WORDS? What are the words she says? What is her side of the story? She doesn't sound lazy or selfish, cos believe me THERE ARE NO LAZY OR SELFISH nurses. There is more to this, and what is it? Men, when observing nurses on the job, fantasize about being looked after body and soul by this wonderful Florence Nightingale, so there would be many doctors and patients wiling to take her on. You need financial counselling. Is she paying for the kid's dental work and you are buying golf clubs? Sorry if that was a bit harsh, but she must be complaining for some reason. You say your wife will work even when you are rich cos that is the way you were brought up? When you are an adult you make your own rules, not blindly follow the stuff your parents told you. If you do just everything the way it was done when you lived with them, then you are still a child. Why should your wife live by your parents' rules? How archaic. How fifties!! You two must make rules of your own to suit both of you. Child bearing alone must be worth a million dollars. Wrecking her body and making her tired. You don't give her one ounce of praise and it doesn't sound like you love her. Do you want her to be counting the days till she finishes her training, so she can be financially independent and then LEAVE YOU?

Answer 4

nope it isn't; it's a partnership! When in relationships, it's give and take. If you don't feel comfortable coming to your wife for help, then that says a lot. If she doesn't WANT to help then that's a HUGE problem. You are a team, teams work together. Did you guys discuss all of this BEFORE marriage? Things like these need to be discussed. Many women adhere to the adage "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine." LOL, that's funny but technically it's divisive especially when things are rough. Now, to a point that adage might be true, you know women like to shop and stuff but when it gets down to the nitty gritty she should be there to support you in all facets of life. This is a marriage not an arrangement.

You should talk with her and tell her how this makes you feel. As a man I understand perhaps that it might be difficult, but it's the only way to really settle this because if you don't address it you will harbor resentment and later on down the line, you'll be having huge arguments about rice and stuff,LOL, so just make sure she understands your stance on this and that if she can't contribute then you all will have to seek counseling.

Answer 5

I am a wife of one, mother of two. I am the proverbial soccer mom. My husband and I talked about this BEFORE having children. We BOTH decided that having them in daycare was not an option. We mutually agreed that I would stay home with them until they are old enough to stay home alone and take care of themselves. I do not contribute financially, but I do everything else! I cook, clean, run errands, do laundry, and everything else that comes with running a successful home. We raise the children together, but I have always done the "lion's share" when it comes to that - and I gladly do it. He DOES help, and I don't have to ask. In fact, I have been fairly ill over the last week, and he very sweetly brought me breakfast in bed one morning, then took the kids out for the day so I could rest.

We have a give and take relationship. Nothing is ever going to be 50-50. It's not possible. When one is not able to give their 100%, the other has to make up for it.

You two need to figure out what percentage you can give, and what the other needs to make up...I think you're being reasonable with what you're asking her to give.

Answer 6

no you are not asking too much at all. I am a female and I agree with you. I think a relationship is a two way street and both should contribute equally. you are def not asking too much plus she has an added bonus of having all this extra spending money after she gives you the 300. My personal opinion is that if you are going to marry this girl make sure this is what you want because if she thinks or believes she can live off of you once you get married then you 2 might grow apart. you both need to have the same goals and lifestyles else it might not work. If she wants to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you and you the same then you have to both be on the same page

hope this helps.

Answer 7

I don't see nothing wrong with that. Me and my fiance don't split the bills. We just like well, I get it this time and you get something else or get that same bill next month. You right about relationships being teams. I personally don't believe in living off a man. My fiance wants me to quit my job so I can take care of the baby, but I feel I need to contribute just as much as he does. If he is broke, we both broke. If I got money and he don't I give him some (even though he tells me not too) and vice a versa. You're not asking for to much! She expecting too much.

Answer 8

I agree with you that California is EXPENSIVE! Esp the Bay Area where I live. I make more money than my husband- but we split every bill down the middle- from rent to utilities. I do buy most of the food and household supplies but my husband does contribute to that as well. We both work very hard and neither of us takes advantage of the other financially. We discuss all our purchases and try to follow a budget. You have to work as team in CA or it won't work.

But I do hope you guys talk about this before you get married.You have to reach an understanding about financial obligations. Only because the fights about money seem to get worse AFTER you get married.

Answer 9

Not at all! I'm a firm believer in equal partnerships. I'm the main bread winner in my relationship. If my fiance has no money for food I help. But as far as bills go that is split down the middle. I think you should split bills evenly, even if that means living in a more modest enviorment to meet you partners lively hood. If you want a trip to Paris and your partner can't go, call you homies/girlfriends or go alone. You should not have to sacrifice you wants and desires. If your partner can't handle it then it's time to move on. There is now reason why that can't save or work a 2nd job to take care or their own wants. Unless something devastating happened where my partner could not work then I will rearrange my priorities and help my love one. But if your partner is healthy there is no reason they can't provide for themselves. Some people if you give an inch the will take a mile. Check out Tom Lykis radio show, he has some interesting advice on this subject.

Answer 10

The only thing you should ask for, over the $320.00 a month, is her hand in marriage--not in 3 or 4 years, after you've exhausted your search for Ms. Right; but in the next few months--while you're enjoying all the comforts of home! Hopefully, your "fiance" will figure you out real soon, otherwise.